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Published: June 20th 2020
Covid 19 diary - Saturday - another week has gone by. Rain most days but sunny this morning for a while . Will today be much different to yesterday? I guess it will . Saturday used to be shopping day . Long since moved to Wednesday it has now become cleaning day. The sun was streaming through the window. The windscreen man could have come today but I guess he has Saturday off. Let's hope the clear weather holds until Tuesday for him to sort Gabby out. As I lay there in bed waiting to force myself out for my walk I found myself tangling with the idea of "if" and "what if?"
If you had told me in January I would not be going on holiday in May I would have laughed at you. We have not missed a Spring holiday since the early 2000's. For that matter we have not missed our September holidays either . And in between trips out . Sometimes day trips .Occasionally longer trips.
If you had told me that I would be confined indoors by an invisible threat I would have grinned and said something like "Don't be daft" Nothing stops me
in my tracks . How wrong I was on both counts. If only things had been different . If only we had locked down earlier would it have made any difference? If only ......................
I let myself out . Stuck my nose out and decided a coat was unnecessary today. The sky was tinged with a funny colour . I think it was blue . Not that there was much of it up there and I had not seen it for such a long time that I had forgotten what blue looked like . If we had been in Gabby we would have cut our losses over the last week and packed up and moved on in search of better weather and better views . If only ...................
I walked for a while . Just me and my mate "If only". I wondered what life would have been like if only the people who were buying our house nearly two years ago had completed ? Would we have bought the house in Wales on the River Dee? Flooded now perhaps we made the right decision to back out when they backed out .. The second couple - what
if we had not pulled out? Where could we have been? If only ....................
We still want to move but ...............if only ..............
As I walked I stopped as I waited for a couple of horses to pass me by . The riders greeted me . From their high vantage point - the horses were large they told me they could hear a tractor in the distance . Or perhaps it was a bike . Whatever it was the horses did not like it so they were waiting for it to pass .
I walked on lost in my thoughts of what if and if only. What if Maggie Thatcher had not sold all the council houses I was passing through? Would we still have a shortage of rented accomodation and greedy landlords ? Has she levelled up the north by selling them ? No not really . I looked into the gardens and scruffy as they were I felt saddened . If only they were still owned by the councils. Perhaps housing would not be in such a mess .
My walk took me past the school , the closed churches and the forever now
shut cafe . The school using a one way system having invested heavily in signage . Stay 2 metres apart . No doubt next week Boris will have consulted his colleagues and the distance will be reduced to 1 and a half metres . All that waste . Maths was never my strong point but tell me this as I am mightily confused . 2 metres is 6 foot 6 inches . Always has been and always will be so the distance we stand apart is exactly 2 metres or 6 foot 6 " So where does the 2 metres = 6foot that is bandied about on signs . Either my maths is wrong or ..................... well I cannot think of anything that makes that maths right .
I walked on through very regal sounding surroundings . Queens Walk. Victoria Walk . Nothing could be further from the truth . Closed pubs . Some might not reopen . What if they did not re-open? A couple of closed churches . But then it is Saturday. A for sale sign on the cafe .
I pondered what if I had chosen a different path at work ? What if part time had been available when my children had been young? What if there was better childcare ? What if I had gone to work in Sheffield ? Where would I be now? If only some things had been available then as they are now .
The chemist was closed . It was early. Football is on the TV later . What about the Northern powerhouse ? I wondered why things had not levelled up even though many civil service jobs had moved out of London years ago to the provinces. Would things be different now ? I seemed as if my walk because there was nothing of interest had sent me off into my thoughts about what if. What if things could change? What would I want different ?
If only ........................ now there is a thought for you .
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