The Glacier Express!

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The Glacier Express! A must-do for all you potential visitors! 7.5 hours in a low-speed glasshouse, the most appalling food you’ve ever been overcharged for, and non-stop sensational scenery. Every misconception you’ve ever had about Switzerland is true and you can see it all without leaving your seat.

Tips for those thinking of indulging:

1) BYO lunch. Even if it’s only bread and cheese. Don’t be fooled by the nice-looking menu or the gourmet words. The “breaded filet hake with salad” was a fish finger hammered flat with a mallet and served with a bowl of French dressing and three pieces of lettuce. And the food is even slower than the train.

2) The train changes direction several times, which means you can get stuck going backwards. I think we avoided this by booking two people with two window seats, thus sitting opposite each other, and perhaps (we think) booking out the entire foursome of seats. A couple opposite had booked so they were sitting together (a window and an aisle), and at the first stop they received a third passenger, who sat opposite them and facing forward for most of the journey after the train changed direction. Because we had the whole foursome we were free to swap sides at our leisure.

3) Bring a hat and sunnies. Go on a sunny day. Take lots of water if you don’t want to pay $5 a bottle.

We also took an unopened packet of Spicy Thai crisps, which served as a very fine barometer, sagging in the valleys and nearly exploding on the high passes. We ate them after reaching the highest point.

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