A Sideways Slide Through The European Tour School: The Spanish Slapper Part 1

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Welcome to the (end of) November edition of the Slapper in its new and improved format!

This month we travel to the sunny European country of Spain where yours truly was guiding Scotty Gardiner around the hallowed turf of not one, but two, of the most famous courses in the L'Estartit area (1.5 hours North of Barcelona). The advice I gave him on club selection, wind direction, ground moisture content, humidity, green speed, grass texture and pollen count proved invaluable as he unfortunately missed the cut by 2 and set sail for the Aussie Open and warmer climes!

In between honing Scott’s game to a razor sharp point and watching all 6 episodes of the Office again (+ the extras that came with the Dvd's) I occasionally found the time to wander down to the beach to ponder such things as the 10 degree temperature difference between Edinburgh and Spain, the reason for packing 18 kilos of stuff for a 12 day trip, and the joys of being able to wear a t-shirt, shorts and thongs (flip-flops for the UK readers here!) again. I also wondered whether, due to the length of the trip covered in this Slapper, it would be better to write this one in a diary-type format and also serialise it over two issues (possibly 3 depending on how much I ramble on!). I consulted with the Slapper committee (me) and decided that while this was a brave, and possibly costly move in terms of a potential loss of readership etc it was something that had to be done to keep the whole thing up-vibe and interesting!

So here is the 2 (possibly 3/4) part edition of the Slapper, starting today the 25th of Nov, and ending sometime before the end of the week.

"The Diaries of Kurt Slapper - aka: my Twelve Days in Spanish Nirvana!"

Cast of Characters:

Narrator:- me
Scotty:- Scott Gardiner
Rummy:- Brett Rumford
Brian/ Gary Busey: Brian Nilsson



Day One - Monday the 11th of November

Today I packed nearly everything I owned into my sturdy little overnight backpack and headed off to Edinburgh Airport to catch KLM Dutch Airways flight 2076 to Amsterdam. Everything went well from hostel to Airport and I managed to be there a full hour and a bit before my plane left - this is boring I know, but unfortunately it's the truth. The first bit of excitement for the trip was my setting off of the beepers as I went through the security area. This, apparently, necessitated not only a waving over with the beepy-thing but also a search of the soles of my shoes (looking for wicks I presume). I was going to explain that, being a backpacker, the last thing I was going to do was blow up my shoes (presumably not realising that my feet go too!) but due to the sensitive nature of our current times decided not to do so! The flight to Amsterdam was great and the airport was extremely impressive, as a result of this I was only to happy to pay 6 Euros for 30 mins internet time and an exorbitant amount of money for a chocolate thing.

I arrived in Barcelona at about 6:30pm local time not realising until now that I hadn't actually discussed with Scott meeting times, contact details etc and proceeded to wander the airport for 5 mins or so until fate took its part in things and we met up outside my arrivals gate! It turned out that we were staying at a place called L'Estartit, an hour up the coast from Barcelona. This means that someone has to drive the rented vehicle now in our possession from the Airport to our hotel in L'Estartit on the wrong side of the road (for us of course). Scott Gardiner quickly cancels himself out of the equation by running his airport trolley into two pylons and narrowly avoiding taking out the locals whilst still inside the airport, and then negotiating the pedestrian crossing sideways, finally finishing off a neat little move by clattering off the pavement and doing a 180 to finish a mere two metres from the hire car facing in the wrong direction. Had I known what I was to find out a little later about Mr. B. Rumford's off-road racing ambitions Scotty might have been the wiser choice!

Due to the local traffic conditions at the time the trip to our final destination of L'Estartit (1.5 hours North of Barcelona, apparently) started at a somewhat slow pace. However, by the time we approached the general area we were supposed to be in, Rummy had found 6th gear and was using it with gusto. We arrived in L'Estartit about 1 hour behind schedule after getting hopelessly lost, calling in to a restaurant on the way to ask directions and then merrily driving off on the wrong side of the road for a couple of hundred metres before a car coming down the road toward us highlighted the error of our ways. It can be tricky stuff, this driving on the wrong side of the road thing - especially when your driver/pilot has decided that rather than play in the Tour School, he is going to have a shot at the Spanish off-road title instead!

The Hotel we stayed in was really nice, had a pool and everything. I noticed that the weather was considerably warmer than Edinburgh at about 17-18 degrees. Upon arrival we headed off to find some food and ended up at a local Chinese restaurant. The restaurant offered such well-known delicacies as "Happy Family Stew", "Beef Iron Plate" and "3 Delicious" - although 3 delicious whats were never actually explained to us.

Had a somewhat early night, apparently we have to get up early tomorrow to go to the course! This wasn't in the contract - we're only 800 metres from the beach for Christ sakes!

Day Two - Tuesday the 12th of November

Today we got our first look at Emporda Golf Club, looks pretty easy to me! Unfortunately the Gardiner/Wilson (or should I say Wilson/Gardiner!) partnership got off to a bad start today when Scotty lost a 10 Euro bet to Rummy in a challenge on the back nine. I have to say that I caddied pretty well, but Scott let me down badly - if this continues to happen I'm going to the beach instead.

Stage One of the Spanish Off-road Challenge saw us winding our way back from the club to the house via some very startled Spanish pedestrians, and some slightly worse for wear underpants. Strangely enough this stage included a stop at a local supermarket which is something you don't see often, and at this moment I realised just how tough shopping can be. It's not hard to pick up a pigs leg, or a sheep’s lower intestine, but try to find a simple jar of honey anywhere and you draw a complete blank (there was a washing powder called 'Colon', but we weren't sure whether it would actually make your clothes cleaner!?) We arrived home with a basket full of goodies in preparation for a night's cooking, only to find that resident prankster Brian/Gary Busey had kindly slipped a jar of baby food into our basket when we weren't looking.

The first cricket series ever to be held in Spain got underway in our unit at about 8pm. Using an umbrella and a tennis ball the series was tied at 2 a piece when a lady came up from downstairs talking about the 'bang, bang, bang' on the floor. She said other things too, but it was all in Spanish so we weren't actually sure whether she was commentating, or complaining about the noise.

Day Three - Wednesday the 13th of November

Today we had our first look at Pals Golf Course, after getting lost on the way there, and it looks a little tighter than the other course. Rummy set a land speed record on the way to the course, which was a nice way to start the day, and I have to say, on behalf of the other guys, that we were all extremely proud of him! Not to mention happy to be alive. The thing that we all admire about the man is the fact that he doesn't let a small thing like having never been here before and not knowing the directions stand in the way of getting somewhere and getting somewhere fast! And I think there's a lesson in that for all of us!

We had a lovely day wandering around the course, which was close to the beach. Some of the Spanish houses in the area were pretty amazing, and it was good to see them at a pace that didn't actually make them look blurry. We were joined by a couple of Irish guys who had apparently spent the previous day walking around a course that wasn't even being used for the Tour School - which we found amazing on the one hand, but (after hearing all the Irish jokes) completely understandable on the other.

Stage Two of the Spanish Off-Road Challenge saw us tearing back to the hotel at the speed of light, again stopping at the Supermarket to pick up some selected items. The boys (Scott and Rummy) were obviously feeling a bit frisky after a day on the course and at one stage in the shop Scott picked up a basketball and after receiving the call, passed it to his partner in crime - who then turned around and walked away as it bounced into some unsuspecting Spanish passers-by. I suggested picking up some Colon, realising that there would be a lot of washing done this week - especially of underwear, but Brian/Gary Busey vetoed this idea, saying he had plenty of colon back at the hotel. This brought plenty of laughs from all concerned. As we were leaving I wondered out loud about a section of the Supermarket to the side of the main bit, was it "like the garden section at K-Mart", I pondered. Scotty told me that it was where you could get all sorts of Italian books. I had to point out that this would indeed be true, except that we were in Spain.

We arrived back at the hotel at about 5:30pm, which was a surprise to all as we hadn't left the course until 5:45. I'm not saying B.Rumford drove at breakneck speeds, but the sight of the sun coming back over the horizon it had disappeared over only 10 mins before was a special moment for everyone.

I wandered down to the beach to have a look at it in the fading light of the evening. It looked quite nice, although the town itself is absolutely deserted. The night's highlight though was again a minor test series in the lounge room, however once again we were joined by the Spanish Richie Benaud who put an end to our game for the second night running with talk of 'Bang, Bang, Bang'.


.........................TO BE CONTINUED!

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