Chav peckerheads, crocodiles, proper golf (almost), Picasso, swimming and a load of Pollocks

---

Who bet on me getting ill on day 6 or 7? Well you share the prize as I have no idea what time I was up in the night being sick. Welll done you!

Today I was allowed to lie in until virtually the evening as the alarm didn't go off until 8.25am. I wasn't sure what to do at this late hour so I turned over and figured I'd wake up the next day.

Or I got up and we headed out in the direction of the Picasso Museum in Malaga with the plan to arrive as it opened at 10am. Plans of finding places down here usually go awry and this morning was no exception. We have the address, we have a map, we have a satnav.....and still we end up 14 bloody miles away. There are no useful signs obviously and even when we do get within the vicinity the 'you are here' maps lie through their teeth. A tourist information lady eventually found it for us but I reckon they move places every day just to keep us on our toes.

So, Picasso, not my favourite, that would be Dali, but I do have an interest. This museum doesn't house his most famous works despite him being born here but has almost 300 works of varying quality on display. Some of it really is crap. No excuses, it's utter crap. Even I could do better but I would need someone to market it and convince the world that it was art. Gullible toffs, look out, I have a plan!

The guy could paint, he was visionary but predominantly what he did was literally child's play. I found the museum very interesting though and it's nice to be able to go and see his works even if just to give a critical opinion.

We paid a couple of euros extra as there was a Jackson Pollock exhibition on too. Man that guy had a nerve! How the hell did he get away with that? Genius! As Claire said, it's like learning how to be a wonderful photographer and then ballsing it all up by ignoring everything you've learnt. Apparently someone gave him a year to do one picture and obviously paid him to do so. I'd have slapped him if he'd presented me with that nonsense after 12 whole months!

Surprisingly you could take photos of the loads of Pollocks but I got told off when I tried it in the Picasso bit. I did manage to sneak one which I include here even though it's out of focus. Actually, no, I meant to do that.....who'll give me £1m for an out of focus Picasso iPhone pic? Don't all rush at once.... Then we got told off for coming into one of the galleries through the exit door despite it not saying so. Calm down eh!

After taking pictures of the cathedral we went straight back to the car without getting lost and then straight to the Crocodile Park....without getting lost again!

The crocodile park is next door to a water park which looks fantastic with some amazing looking slides. Sadly, this was Torremolinos and the people you'd expect to be there were queuing up to make tits of themselves. The appalling music was stupidly loud and I feel sorry for the poor crocodiles living next door. Who goes to a water park to be bombarded with dreadful music (with apologies to musicians everywhere....even jazz ones)?

We managed to avoid all the turds going in to be deafened but could still hear the turgid cacophony from next door all throughout our visit to the amazing crocodiles. I reckon the crocs would enjoy swimming with the gimps next door....the sort of peckerheads who think The Inbetweeners movie is a documentary deserve to get chomped by a toothy reptile

So anyway, the croc park was really good and they have LOTS of crocs of varying sizes from babies up to Big Daddy who is 85 years old. You wander round various bits and there's a presentation three times a day, the last of which we managed to catch.

The guy presenting knows his crocs and jumps into the enclosures with only a stick. He talks about the crocs and demonstrates by getting reactions from them including them clamping their jaws closed very fast and hard. He even sat astride Big Daddy, the nutter.

It was difficult to hear him though so I wouldn't say we learnt a lot. The shocking racket from next door didn't help. Tossers. We then got to each hold a baby crocodile and have our pictures taken, all for a massive extra 50c each. Bargain. The crocs looked healthy and well looked after but Claire still prefers cats for some reason....

At one point we had something to eat in the cafe. The food isn't important, why we went there is. I haven't been feeling too good all day but Claire noticed I wasn't feeling well because I'd stopped speaking Spanish! Not because I looked pale or something but because I'd stopped saying crocodrillos very loudly in a bang on Spanish accent....ahem.... Anyway, the food was traditional Spanish fare, pizza for Claire and pork, egg and chips for me. I did feel better after though and was soon saying crocodrillos again. It doesn't sound anywhere near as scary as the word crocodile. You'd want to go dancing with a crocodrillo not run away from it!

And then we tried to find the crazy golf again....

And we did! With one hour to spare we just had enough time for me to thrash Claire round a course that was interesting but had no windmill....not a proper golf course then is it! There were some interesting water features and some difficult holes but we still both managed a hole in one so yeah, Fuengirola Adventure Golf folks. Mind you it is €8.50 a round!

It was then time to make sure we use more of the facilities offered us on our free holiday, the heated pool. Not very heated I might add but we had a swim round for a bit and then it was blogging time in the sun. Two days without rain, crikey!

---