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Published: June 25th 2017
Geo: 52.3124, 104.296
The Trans Siberian Express has almost the same mythical allure that the Orient Express has/had and like the Orient Express, there are a number of flavours. The one that most tourists take connects Moscow with Beijing via Mongolia but the 'real' Trans Siberian connects Moscow with Vladivostok and is the longest single train ride in the world. We've already been to both China and Mongolia and since we wanted the bragging rights of surviving 7 days and 6 nights on a Russian train heading across the barren tundra of Siberia, we boarded the train in Vladivostok.
The experience from that point on was somewhat surreal- The tiny cabin that was to be our home for the next week would make a phone booth seem excessively spacious. There were two narrow benches that folded down into beds, a small table, a big window coated in mud... and that was about it. Washroom was at one end of the car and was shared with our Russian neighbours (a big hit with DH). Despite the fact that Vlad was seven hours ahead of Moscow, all trains in Russia run on Moscow time so five minutes after boarding we had no idea what
time it really was- and since the Russian alphabet (cryllic) was completely illegible to us, we also had no idea where we were. And we quickly found out that absolutely no one else on this train spoke any English- that would prove to be somewhat tricky since our ticket included one meal per day but we had to order it from a menu we couldn't read and verbalize it to the restaurant matron we couldn't understand, all in the hope that we could get food that we probably wouldn't recognize. After a relatively short game of charades our well endowed, but somewhat intimidating matron (whose shirt buttons seemed to be sweating from the strain) turned on her heel and stormed off. Thinking that we would need to be rationing our emergency granola bar stash, we were pleasantly surprised when Comrade Well-Endowed returned with a couple plates of food that seemed to be a mix of everything on offer. And so it went for the rest of our journey- we were never sure where, when, or what food would show up, but it always did arrive and was usually a tasty experience. Our restaurant matron and her hard-working buttons seemed to
warm up to us over time but there was never any question as to who was in charge- asking for a different plate of food was not an option.
The matron in charge of our car was a different matter- defying all Russian stereotypes, she was always in a good mood and would stop by our cabin every day in a vain attempt to get us counting to ten in Russian as well as the usual greetings. Her English matched our Russian but we still managed to exchange stories and she loved the photos on DH's iPad.
It was great to have her as an ally particularly when we got off the train at stations along the way. The odd time the train would stop for twenty minutes which was enough time to poke through the ware of the various vendors but sometimes the stop would only be a couple of minutes- there was no departing signal we could detect (perhaps a whistle that only Russians could hear??) but our Matron would frantically wave us back onto the train so we didn't end up stranded.
And there were plenty of opportunities to be stranded. The length of the Vladivostok to Moscow route
is 9,288 kms. It crosses 8 time zones, passes through 87 towns and cities and crosses 16 major rivers, including the Volga, Ob, Yenisey, Oka and Amur. The longest bridge is 2.5 kms long and the longest tunnel is almost 2 kms long. The route passes through Europe for 19% (1777 km) of its length and Asia for 81% (7511 km). There are 990 stations on the entire network and although at times it seemed like we stopped at all of them, we were on the express train. And just to top off my list of fun, slightly pointless facts; Sludyanka station, near Lake Baikal, is the only railway station in the world to be built entirely of marble.
We debated getting off in a couple of spots for a day or two but in addition to disqualifying our attempt at completing the world's longest train journey without interruption, there didn't seem to be a lot to hold our interest (in a country the size of Russia??). The highlight stop was supposed to be Irkutsk where, nearby, you'd be able to see the worlds oldest and deepest lake, Lake Baikal, but I'm not sure that if you're standing lakeside, the worlds
deepest lake looks much different than the worlds shallowest lake?
We've had a couple of people suggest that the Trans Siberian was a bucket list item for them and that they were looking for the details of our experience. I wish I could say that the Murder On The Trans Siberian Express came alive for us, with Hercule Poroit (or former super-cop, DH) solving a vodka-fueled murder in a neighbouring cabin, or that we chased miscreants across the top of the train cars, or that I resisted all of the seduction attempts of a sultry KGB double agent. But mostly it was forest, beat up rural areas, forest, rusty looking cities/towns, and more forest. You're never going to get your better neighbourhoods locating next to the railway tracks but this trip made it clear that not all Russians are robber-baron oligarchs buying soccer teams in England with the money they hide in Cypriot banks. Russia still has a lot of poverty and decay that it will need to address in the short term. But just so I don't tread too heavily on anyone's bucket list, I suspect the more touristy Trans Siberian, which takes in
parts of China and Mongolia, might have a more varied and interesting set of stops and sights.
No heart racing adventures but we had a good time and it was a great way to cross the breadth of Russia.
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David Rubnitz
non-member comment
Siberia was much greener than I expected. very nice