Portugal: The Quest for Halal Cow Leg

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Today's mission was to find halal meat since there's no such thing in Tavira. I read on a forum that there's a little shop in Albufeira ... and as I wanted to go there to see my mate anyway, it made sense.

I left the house quite late and decided to take the toll road to Albufeira, otherwise a 40 min journey becomes 1.5 hours ... and I want to see if this TollCard thing will work. When i got to Albufeira I decided to go check out the Eden Resort, a place they call 'heaven on earth' where I stayed in 2011 when I came with the intention of buying a 2nd apartment in Portugal (i didnt go ahead with it, right choice or id be in deep scheißen now). It was very quiet but still awesome ... ended up shooting some pool while I was there.

Then I go to find halal meat. The website said its behind macdonalds near a mosque ... found that no probs ... but walking behind i see no mosque nor grocery store, only a door with a sign saying "Africanos" and a load of African heavies sat on the stoop. Im about to give up when half hour later I see 2 African dudes in a car wearing islamic headgear. I walk up, car door is open, and the dude looks at me, turns to his mate and carries on talking. After about a minute he decides to give me his time.

Me: Farla Ingles?
He: No
Me: Halal carne?
He: Follow me

And he takes me straight to that shop with "Africanos" sign and the heavies on the stoop. He greets each one "Aslam Alakum", Im thinking "should i do the same thing?" but im getting a look from them kinda like "what u gwan do here man". So i quietly go inside.

2 dudes are now talking about me in there then 1 dude comes out from behind the shop and says "Parle vouz Francais?" ... I say "No, ingles, urdu, espanol" ... so then we realize we cant communicate in words.

I make him understand i want halal meat, he disappears for a while and comes back and points at his leg, "si?" so I say "si" ... then he disappears and comes back with a massive bag of frozen meat ... I just want to get out of there coz it isnt a butcher shop at all, i dont know what it is ... so i say "um kilo" (1 kilo) and he says "no um kilo" and gives me the entire bag. At this point i think "feck it, lets see if i can get some chicken too":

Me: tem chicken? (tem means 'do you have' in portuguese, learnt that in my 2nd lesson yesterday)
He: puzzled look
Me: i start flapping my arms and making the sounds of a chicken, the heavies lookin at me too
He: just staring at me puzzled and possibly pissed off
Me: (thinking of the little chicken toy my portuguese tutor was playing with in my lesson) ... desperately trying to remember the word, i finally remember ... "gallina"
He: Gallinas ... si, tres dias, come back tres dias

I pay a large sum of money and get out of there, and he shouts "make sure you come back in tres dias".

After that I go to see a friend of mine in Albufeira, and come across an indian supermarket along the way ... I now have dal, sego, semolina and a whole load of other things i needed ... bonus.

I see my mate, he gives me his special pineapple/banana/prawn pizza and I go to chill on the beach listening to Buddha Bar until it gets dark.

Now im home and I realize why the butcher dude was pointing at his leg ... basically I have a big cow leg defrosting in my kitchen sink ... WTF ???

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