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Published: December 14th 2008
The Monolith
The main feature of the Vigeland Sculpture Park.Admittedly, in the days before I left for Oslo I did not have the feeling of excitement or anticipation that usually preceded a holiday. I had heard that Oslo was expensive, freezing, dark and with not a lot to do - so not only was I lacking enthusiasm before the trip, I was almost filled with dread. Didn't help that I was going to one of the world's most expensive countries just days before payday.
However, Norway is part of Scandinavia, of which I have a very high opinion after my visit to Sweden, Denmark and Finland last year. On top of that, it would be another country ticked off the list, Ryanair were offering £2 return airfares, and *apparently* the girls there are stunning, so that was enough to get me on the plane.
Getting to Oslo via Ryanair though, is a bit of a b*tch.
Seventy minutes on the Stansted coach is then followed by a ninety minute flight followed by a £30, 105-minute coach journey from the Ryanair airport in Torp, to Oslo.
After finally arriving at the Oslo bus station, starving after not really eating all day, I went to get myself a snack only to
find that I wouldn't be able to get anything of substance for less than £4. Being on limited funds, I was freaking out. I eventually got a small-ish calzone type thing for 45NOK (Norwegian Kroner. 10NOK = £1. You do the math.).
I then took a look at the pitch-black darkness outside. I then looked at my watch. 4pm. Just like London then.
My trusty sidekick Davies and I then left the bus terminal building. It was freezing - literally. The puddles on the footpath were iced over.
It was at this exact moment that I thought; "what the hell possessed me to come here?".
It was fair to say that my dreaded expectations before the trip were frighteningly met within just a few minutes of arrival.
Our hostel was just a short stroll from the bus station and it was a good one too.
At 30€ an night, it was one of the more expensive hostels that we have ever stayed at, but it had everything you could ask for in the form of sheets, towels, clean showers, central location, a communal lounge/kitchen and a friendly owner tolerant to drunken behaviour in the hostel.
Although we had booked
Oslo Opera House
People milling up to the top of the roof like lemmings. two beds in an 8-bed dorm, our beds were nicely partitioned from the other 6 beds which effectively made our space a twin room, although other people in the dorm had to pass through our room to get to their beds. Two of these other people, were a woman with very short hair and her boyfriend who spoke so loudly through the walls, that we would've picked up every single word they had said if we could've deciphered the very strange Italian-sounding language they were speaking.
Another of our roommates was an American called Randy who was in Oslo for the World Othello Championships. Yes, you read that correctly. He seemed pretty cool though, for someone who obviously plays a lot of Othello.
The hostel seemed quiet and with a couple of hours to kill, we decided to have a bit of a walk around the city centre to get ourselves acquainted with the city streets. Being outside however, was quite unpleasant as it was so cold that my head was hurting. Mind-numbing stuff, literally. After walking around for what seemed like forever, we were shocked to learn it was still only 5.30pm. It felt like 9pm.
After popping
Parliament
Norway's cool looking parliament building. into a small local supermarket ironically called "Kiwi" to pick up some supplies, we passed out back at the hostel for a couple of hours after a long day before grabbing some Burger King for dinner.
It was here that I paid £11.35 for a double-whopper (with cheese) combo. I had just paid NZ$30 for a double whopper meal. I can buy four double-whopper meals in New Zealand for that. I could've fed my whole family!
I know Norway is supposed to be expensive, but this is just taking the piss.
Anyway, we were both knackered (I swear that the cold takes a lot of energy out of you) and with three whole days here ahead of us we decided to have an early one.
What followed was the worst night's sleep - ever.
Firstly, I had gone to sleep too soon after eating and was getting indigestion and I had turned up the heating too much and was twisting and turning. Just as I was getting to sleep around 2.30am, three girls and a guy arrive in our dorm to wake me up again (I would later forgive them). Finally I feel like I am dozing off, and then
The City By Night
Oslo has some nice modern architecture as well - this shot reminds me a lot of the modern glass buildings I saw in Tallinn last year. I feel an itch on my arm. And then I feel another one. And then another one, and another one. The itches then start to sting. Oh no. This feels far too familiar. Yep...bedbugs.
For the next two hours, I'm not sleeping, nor am I awake. You can't really sleep knowing you have bugs ravaging your arms, but I'm so tired I can't be arsed moving.
At 6am, I finally cannot stand it anymore and switch on the lights. Davies spots one scuttling away on my mattress and I crush the bastard, smearing my own blood all over my sheets. Fortunately for Davies, bedbugs are quite localised, so he was not bitten at all. Unfortunately for me, my bag was right next to my bed and I had to kill another huge bedbug crawling all over it. My arm is absolutely savaged.
This "holiday" is NOT going well.
The next day, I had the pleasure of spending a good 45 minutes checking every single item in my bag, making sure I wasn't going to bring any bugs with me. As I was sifting through my stuff I got talking to Danny, the guy that arrived at the hostel at
National Theatre
Looks a lot like the one in Zagreb. 2.30am. Him and his three friends were students studying in Brighton who had come over on the cheap flights like us for the weekend. I also bumped into a Swedish guy on my way out.
Needless to say, Davies and I were moved to another room - a colder one without a partition. Damn. But at least I wouldn't be getting bitten in here, hopefully...
After all that, we are finally ready to check out the sights.
We start our tour of Oslo at the main train station that leads onto Oslo's main drag and shopping promenade, Karl Johan's Gate. The flash chain stores on either side of it reminded me a lot of Drottingsgatan in Stockholm. The first sight we see is the Parliament Building which is a pretty cool looking castle/palace building plonked right in the middle of the shopping/clubbing district.
In front of the parliament is a nice park which runs along Karl Johan's Gate. We keep walking along here past the stately-looking Oslo University, the National Theatre building (which looks suspiciously like the National Theatre building in
Zagreb) and then past another really cool baroque building before we get to the mustard yellow Royal Palace.
Cool Gothic-Baroque Building
Don't exactly what it is used for, but it looks pretty cool. We happen to be walking past just as the greencoat guards are changing. But really, once you've seen one changing of the guards, you've seen them all.
It was after this that we realised just how compact and walkable Oslo is - it reminded me a lot of the New Zealand capital, Wellington.
We keep walking around behind the palace where we come across what looks like a the wealthiest part of town where a whole lot of large, elegant suburban houses and classy, two-story terrace apartments live. We also passed a large traditional Norwegian wooden cottage along the way to our destination, the Frognerparken which contains the famous Vigeland Sculpture Park.
The park is basically an outdoor exhibition of 212 sculptures by the heralded Norwegian sculptor, Gustav Vigeland. We cross over a bridge lined with sculptures that crosses over a frozen lake to a monumental bronze fountain, which is quite impressive. Past the fountain is a nicely kept garden of sorts leading to an elevated plateau where the park's highlight is - the monolith.
The monolith is a giant carved obelisk depicting an orgy of naked people of all ages all hanging on tightly to each other, struggling towards
the top. Some of the people are sad, some in despair, some are happy, some are hopeful - I found it a really stimulating piece of art. The other sculptures around the monolith at the bottom were also very engaging and interesting, depicting common themes of the journey from life to death, the struggles along the way, and the relationships between human beings. Lots of nakedness.
The works were inspiring enough for us to want to visit the Vigeland Museum nearby - and it also gave me a chance to thaw out my face. The museum itself was very well presented and contains a more diverse collection of Vigeland's work.
After getting myself a 7-Eleven coffee to warm myself up again, we then caught two buses to the leafy, north-east-American-looking suburb of Bygdøy, where the Vikingskipmuseet, the Viking Ship Museum, lived.
Remembering how cool the
Vasamuseet was in Stockholm was, we were definitely keen to check the Norwegian version out.
Inside were three ships, the Oseberg, the Gokstad and the Tune, all over 1000 years old, and all restored and re-assembled. It was interesting to learn how these ships were built and how sturdy and manoeuvarble they were. After these ships had
Frognerparken
The sculpture park from the monolith plateau. done their service on the sea, many were then used to bury people of high status under huge piles of dirt. Buried in the ship alongside the corpses, were many items of treasure, as well as food and equipment for the afterlife. Of course, all the treasure had been looted by the time the ships were excavated in the 19th century, but what was left was on display at this museum.
Have to say that public transport in Oslo is very efficient, with an underground metro system (T-Bane), buses and trams. Makes me wonder again what the hell Auckland's problem is - there is only a third of Auckland's population in Oslo.
Anyway the bus took us almost directly from the museum to the hostel, where we decided that we were not going to brave the cold again and would instead try some Norwegian cuisine in the restaurant downstairs.
I don't remember what I ordered but what came out was a traditional Norwegian dish of potatos, stewed peas, and meat patties with brown sauce that Davies likened to meatloaf. It was very tasty though and very hearty - just what was required in this freezing weather.
After dinner, it
Sculptures Beneath The Monolith
The scenes depicted in some of the sculptures were physics-defying - check out the one left, background. was time to get pissed and check out the nightlife that Oslo had to offer.
Knowing that alcohol was probably going to be super-expensive over here, we cleverly bought duty-free and managed to score a litre of Bacardi and a litre of vodka for a little more than a Norwegian double-whopper meal. Trouble was, we would not be able to take it back with us on the plane due to the liquid restrictions - so it would all have to be drunk in two nights!
The atmosphere in the common room wasn't too happening unfortunately - but after a few vodkas it didn't matter. Interestingly, Red Bull is illegal in Norway, so they have this other stuff called Burn that tastes like cough medicine that doesn't quite go with vodka. Don't quite know why Red Bull is banned while this crap is legal since they're essentially the same thing?
Just as we were leaving to head into the night, Danny and his mates Kathy, Jenny and Veronika came down and invited us for a drink with them. Unfortunately though, they were unable to help us out with our alcohol consumption as they had two litres of 60% proof vodka of
Vigeland Museum
More of Vigeland's work could be found Inside the warm, well-presented museum next to the park. their own to get through - which funnily enough was the cause of their late night entry into our dorm. They had basically missed the last bus from Torp while buying the duty-free vodka and ended up paying a whopping £250 to taxi into Oslo which finally arrived at 2.30am in the morning. Ouch - but not as painful as
my missed bus/expensive cab disaster in Paris last year.
Anyway, it was also revealed that two other people had been put into our bedbug-infested beds! That is so not cool.
We were all hammered by now and I drunkenly forgot where I left my coat and ended up going into a rage thinking it was stolen - I even asked the owner to break into every room to find it. Ah, that must've looked as hilarious as it was embarrassing.
Anyway, we all stumbled outside into the cold as I directed us - while singing, dancing and skipping - to Club Mono, a place I had read up about and scoped out the night before that was apparently one of Oslo's hotspots, playing a heady mix of indie and electro. Unfortunately, the club had a minimum age of 22, and our student friends did not qualify. I don't
The Oslo Crew
From left; Random short-haired woman, busker, Kathy (kissing the fist?), Danny, Jenny, Davies, Veronika. know what is up with these rules because the legal age to drink in Norway is 18, yet all the clubs have self-imposed minimum ages far above the legal minimum. The only other place that I know has this kind of carry-on is in Helsinki. Luckily, I knew of another place round the corner called Garage, which was more of a rock bar. The minimum age here was also 22, but I managed to use my New Zealand accent to sweet-talk the bouncer into letting us all in, I think. The place was pretty cool - your typical grungy rock bar - and there was a live band downstairs rattling off Motorhead's "Ace Of Spades". Rock on.
Things start to get a bit hazy from here on in and all I really remember in detail is paying around £5 for pints of Kilkenny, having a conversation (which had some verbs) with a cool Norwegian guy about New Zealand, having conversations (that had some adjectives) with Jenny about music, and speaking to Kathy in French (???).
The next day started late and we would've started later had we not realised we only had 3 1/2 hours of sunlight left in
Akershus Fortress
Built in the 13th century to protect Oslo. the day.
Our first destination of the day was the Akershus Fortress on the waterfront, where err...a few prostitutes hang out.
The Akershus Fortress was built in the 13th century as a means to protect the city from invaders and was never actually captured by enemy forces. These days it is still a military base, evidenced by the royal guards patrolling the grounds, and is home to the Ministry of Defence, and the Norwegian Resistance and Armed Forces Museums. Unfortunately for us though, the main castle is closed for the winter. Admittedly, it isn't the most fantastic looking castle I've ever seen from the outside, but there are some stunning views of the harbour up there.
We then took a walk around the harbour, past the marina to Oslo's main waterfront. On the waterfront was big brown teepee, inside of which was a small fire and a selection of traditional Norwegian goods on sale, including fur and antler bottle openers! Not that I was buying anything - I was just inside to get some feeling back in my face.
We then walked past Aker Brygge, like Auckland's Viaduct but better, and the Nobel Peace Prize Museum on the way back
Oslo Harbour
The lovely still water and the islands in the distance reminded me of my cruise through the Stockholm Archipalego last year. to the National Theatre where we caught the T-Bane to the Munch Museum.
For those not familiar with art, Edvard Munch is the famous Norwegian painter whose most famous work, is "The Scream". Here was an entire museum of his works. He was definitely a talented guy - what struck me most how he could use such large strokes to create such detailed paintings. There were some great works in there and I liked a lot of them. Disappointingly, we only found out afterwards that "The Scream" was actually at the National Gallery and not the Munch Museum. Oh well.
We then took a walk through Gronland on the way back to the hostel, which felt more like walking down Edgware Road in London rather than being in Norway, such was the number of bazaars and dodgy kebab shops.
With all the attractions closed and with it being far too cold and dark to be outside, there isn't much to do between the hours of 4pm and 7pm, but to simply (and literally) chill. I decided to chillax to a rather appropriate Norwegian soundtrack of Kings Of Convenience, Sondre Lerche and errr....a-Ha.
Too cold to go outside for dinner
Fun Times At The Mona Lisa
Danny, Jenny, me and Kathy. so we settled for the restaurant downstairs again where Danny, Jenny, Kathy and Veronika all happened to be having dinner at the same time. Also down there was the Swedish guy I had bumped into the previous morning, Nils.
Nils had just moved to Oslo, and was looking for a job. According to him, you could earn 2000€-3000€ a month just working in a grocery store here! No wonder everything is expensive! Norway is in fact one of the richest countries in the world and Norwegians enjoy the second-highest GDP-per-capita in the world, due mainly to their oil and gas resources - which makes it a surprise to see so many homeless people around Oslo. Then again, a few kroner is not going to get you very far here!
We all then moved to the common room in an effort to try and finish the rest of our alcohol. This eventually moved on to drinking games, which inevitably led to Circle of Death (or Ring of Fire if you're English). Had to say that it was one of the more enjoyable games of Circle of Death that I have ever played - it's always hilarious playing with people who have
Later On That Night, Things Became A Bit Of A Blur...
The only shot I have with everyone in it unfortunately - though I guess this is partly my fault for getting a dude with a broken hand to take a photo of us. But you can maybe just make out from the left; Danny, Davies, Veronika, Jenny, me and Kathy. never played with "international" drinking game rules before (New Zealanders seem to be the only ones who play with them - I guess we're hard). This game was most notable for the nose-licking rule (don't ask).
We actually managed to finish an entire game, which I thought was a good effort, and we followed up with Truth or Dare.
Burger King double whopper meal - £11.35.
A shot of Jaegermeifter at the bar - £6.40.
Return coach journey to the airport - £30.
Being dared to slap a random guy's arse, doing it, getting the most fearsome glare you can imagine in return, feeling lucky that he hasn't punched me, before being photographed in compromising positions - priceless.
It was then time to hit the night.
I decided to try and get us into Z-Club which was apparently one of the better and bigger nightclubs in Oslo. Unfortunately, the age limit here was 24! We were then told that other big clubs such as Smuget would most probably be enforcing similar age limits. Even Garage turned us away this time.
We finally ended up at a club called Mona Lisa, where I have to say my memory kind of slows
Tip Of The "Iceberg"
Nickname for Oslo's Opera House rising out of the water. down a bit...but I remember there was dancing.
I also remember the hot dog I bought in the way home from one of the 11,726,223 7-Elevens dotted around Central Oslo. Hot dogs seem to be the national food over here, and can be picked up from any 7-Eleven or from one of the 20,287,485 locally run Narvesens in Oslo. At one point we spotted three Narvesens within 50 metres of each other. Ridiculous.
I also remember the beeping at the pedestrian crossings sounding suspiciously like the intro for
Flo Rida's "Low" and couldn't get the song out of my head all trip. Speaking of pedestrian crossings, they have one green man light, but two separate red man lights at each one. Norway seems to be fond of overkill (two red men, expensive prices, no Red Bull, ridiculous age limits to get into clubs).
Our only bus to the airport the next day was at 2.15pm, so when we checked out of the hostel at 12pm, we decided to spend our last couple of hours in Oslo at the "Iceberg" Opera House. An impressive piece of modern architecture, the opera house rises from the sea and the public (in theory) can walk
Inside The Opera House
As impressive inside as it was outside. staright out of the water and up to the roof of the building via marble ramps. Unfortunately, no skateboards or bicycles are allowed on the the opera house - we were both thinking how cool it would be to snowboard or slide down the opera house if the water ever froze over on it.
Inside was pretty impressive (and warm) as well and I'm a fan of sloping ceilings and huge panels of glass.
Then before we knew it, it was time to head to the bus station - but not before I saw a Karaoketaxi - yes, you read that right.
Overall I have to admit that Oslo is not the most exciting place to visit, and there really isn't too much there to keep you occupied. However, I still had an awesome time, and I don't regret coming here at all. I reckon I will come back to Norway again one day (when I'm rich) and would like to check out Bergen and just maybe, the Northern Lights.
So that is the end of my Norwegian adventure. My next blog entry will be coming from the slightly warmer clime of Dubai, where ironically, I will be
Karaoketaxi
Evidence. Awesome. spending Christmas.
Ha det!
Derek
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jenny
non-member comment
Oslo
I'm sorry you find my homecity so unattractive and cold. Please let me tell you that our summers are completely different. we have a beautiful summer which is a lot nicer than the rainy British summer. There is only dark a few hours at night and the temp usually lies between 16-26 degrees celcius. The reason Oslo is so expensive is because our wages are so high, you need to match that up. Our minimum wage is around 15 pounds, so you can do the math. I live in the UK myself, andI have to say that the standard of living here is a h*** of a lot lower than Norway's. But anyway, you should try to see Oslo sometime in the summer or autumn. Beautiful colours...! or alternatively, go somewhere else than Oslo next time you're in Norway!