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February 25th 2007
Published: February 25th 2007
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Following the intimate details of Sea Snakes and Hammocks provided by Deise Dave, I thought I would regale you all with tales of my latest travelling adventures. In Carrigaline.

I woke fully refreshed and after a hearty meal of Tayto crisps, gather my belongings and set off from my accomodation. (It was a cute 2004 style end of terrace dwelling, filled with modren things like kettles and a shower, but more of that later). It was the tranquil predawn skies that echoed my good mood, indigo blue skies fading quickly into light as the dawn chill disappeared.

The first landmark promised by the guide book sounded intriguing and I was determined to reach it before the hordes would gather, there nothing like other tourists to wreck your holiday. I checked the map once more and having turned right, right again and marched happily for 43 seconds I reached it.

There, towering majestically into the sky, an undulating peak, nestled against the dawn sky, calling out to me through time and space. The speedbump.

My breath was taken away by the sheer architectural simplicity of it all, one long peak, moving from left to right, obviously representing the timeline of humanity. Had early dinosaurs leapt over this speedbump, velociraptors snarling viciously as the T Rex leapt from the top of the sppedbump, teeth agape? Did humanoids survive millenia of evolution only to stumble at the feet of the speedbump?

A local native passed by and in the local patois that I had picked up from the guide book, I endeavoured to ask him about his knowledge of this truly amazing landmark and whether he could confirm that the ancient egyptians (who werent ancient until now, they were quite young when they were alive) had been led from here by Pharaohs into battle against the Feen-icians. "Feck off ye tool" he said, emphatically. I thanked him for his advice and moved on. Quickly.

Removing the crampons and grappling hooks from my bag, I slung my equipment together and used the last year of climbing training from Base camp everest to good effect as I struck out for the summit of the Speedbump. Several seconds later, sweat teeming from every pore, i slung my leg over and lay sated, my goal reached. I had climbed the Speedbump.

Life ambition fulfilled, I took some beef jerky from my pack and chewed merrily, a smile playing about my lips at the thoughts of my great adventure. Lost in thought I spent the day, ruminating on my acheivement and the tale it would be for my grandchildren. As Orions belt twinkled overhead in the night sky, I descended carefully and returned to my camp, ready for another adventure. After some days recovery, I was ready to head for....THE SHOP!!!!


21st March 2007

always be prepared
Crazy Corkman! How foolish of you to attempt a mission such as this without the aid of a qualified and experienced guide. You're damn lucky to have lived to tell the tale. And don't you think there's a step missing in the plan to regale your grandchildren with your achievement? That said, I look forward to the next installment of your amazing adventures...

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