A 'different type of cold' - yeah right!!

---

When telling people that I was visiting Finland during February, I was often told that 'yes it is cold, BUT a different type of cold', thus insinuating that the colder temperatures of Finland are somehow more bearable than the wet and grey cold nights of England. What a load of cobblers. Let me tell you: there's cold, there's extremely cold, there's 'oh no I can't stand this much longer' and then there is a whole lot colder than that. Finland in February stings your skin and makes your eyes water, you need to spend at least a month's wages on cold weather gear to survive it - it was -7 when we arrived sinking to -9 later.

And if that isn't cold enough for you, why not step into a bar where the barman is wearing a woolly hat, hoodie (with hood up) and fur-lined coat whilst dropping ice into your husband's coke - but it's ok because he put a 2 volt fan heater on the bar which might warm it up within the next ten years so long as no one opens the door ever again. Still, I like Helsinki even if it is rather small having only taken me and my hubby about 5 minutes to walk around.

Naturally for us the day started ridiculously early and we left home at 3am to drive to Gatwick which is the most OTT security ridiculousness I have ever seen, causing stressed passengers to miss their flights. Both Glyn and I were collared to be felt up by security plus a half arsed attempt to search my bag was made.

Finland is two hours ahead of the U.K. so by the time we were circling over Helsinki it was after half past two and the shadows of the almost black trees against the glaring snow were extremely long. We spent our flight sat behind the British Lawnmower Racing Association on their way to an event in Lavia (no, we weren't expecting that either) but imagine our disappointment when there was no sign of them bringing their own mowers when waiting at the baggage carousel. After almost accidentally running off with the wrong luggage, we found our own and headed to the rail station after taking a tinkle in the public loos where fake birdsong trilled loudly through hidden speakers.

The station was the size of a cathedral belonging to a long extinct giant alien race and this was necessary because the trains are tall enough to accommodate large giraffes having a stretch. We missed the first train because there is only one ticket machine per platform and by the time Glyn read the part about tickets being available for purchase on the actual train via the conductor, the train had sodded off. We boarded the next train, ignoring the complicated looking machine and awaiting the conductor who decided not to put in an appearance. So within the first hour of being in Helsinki, we had already broken the law and are now officially fare-dodgers.

It took half an hour to get to the central station whose frontage is adorned with four large regal statues holding orbs and doing fairly good impressions of long dead kings of Gondor. A ten minute walk took us to Hotel Finn - cheap for Helsinki - but not that cheap! It is next door to a metal bar, but on the 6th floor. Fortunately there is a lift just large enough for myself and Glyn plus one large suitcase (Glyn says it is medium sized but at 20.4kg, I'll let you decide). The lift had no inner door so we watched the walls race by and a typed sign at the top telling us to 'push', let us know we had arrived.

The overly animated receptionist guy welcomed us and it was the first time of many that we noticed that the Finns speak English with an American accent and don't sound Scandinavian at all. And also, they speak it fluently.

We walked past the Esplandi where I thought I heard Glyn saying he was looking at 'staff shoes' but this is because I was covered by hats and hoods. Really he was looking at statues. The ground had a bit of snow but mostly it was dry due to hot water pumped under the pavements - I had asked overly animated receptionist about this later and was told that Helsinki gets very little snow due to being 'shit and dark' and close to the sea. There was plenty of ice about but everywhere is thickly gritted so even I never even came close to sliding over. Not even once.

At Etelasatama we saw the ferries and ships frozen in ice as the sea was solid, Glyn tried to convince me to walk in it but I'm not a div. Further out, boats were smashing through the chunky waters to get to various islands and Estonia. The light was failing now, being after 5pm and the harbour lights reflected nicely on the ice if you like that kind of thing. We did spot a couple partaking in Viking Bathing, an activity that requires the sea to be frozen before you swim in it. As Glyn said, how can that be even good for you?

Helsinki is more like a large town than than a capital city and it didn't take us long to find the 'main attractions' mentioned in my pocket guide - namely two cathedrals and some museums. We were soon back at the station wondering had we really seen it all within a few hours walking? Well were it summer, the answer would be no. But it is winter. However, it is lovely and clean with tidy buildings.

Glyn began to realise that it was many hours since we had eaten and as we had spotted a Sushi Burrito Cafe earlier, marvelling at the idea of it all, we headed there. The staff spoke in American but the menu was in Finnish, Luckily, the words 'vegan' and 'tofu' were recognisable under the 'Tokyo Bitch' and I opted for that. It was very messy to eat and I left the floor strewn with various veggies, but was incredibly delicious. Highly recommended.

The final stop of the day was Bar Bakkari which like everything in Helsinki was about a 10 minute walk away. This is one of many metal bars in the city as this genre of music is very popular here. But to our joy, they played stuff less metal and more what I like, such as Rage Against The Machine, System of a Down, Nick Cave and some old American punk. There was a handful of local clientele, all wrapped up in coats as it was cold and the barman was wearing a think woolly hat and coat.

The prices were of a typical capital city rate and not quite as ridiculously expensive as I was led to expect. Glyn ordered a coffee and soon regretted it as it was served in a glass, with a carton of milk slopped in at our table. Apparently it was disgusting and he needed a coke to cover the taste. After playing it safe with a Stella, I asked to try a Finnish beer and got given a Karhu which was worth trying a second time. Lastly we gave the loos a go, which were gender identifiable by crudely drawn chalk images of genitalia on each door. Not overly clean, but far better than a lot of rock/alternative venues I've visited (yes I'm talking about you, The Underground in Stoke with the toilet roll kept hanging outside the cubicles!).

---