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Published: September 30th 2017
Mary Moment #12: Mary walking around Tallinn with her big bag of panties, showing them to as many Estonians as she could.
People gawked. Some laughed. Parents could be seen rushing to cover the eyes of their children. A group of tourists from the UK howled "I guess we don't have to go to the strip joint tonight!!!"
She was the talk of the town. I suspect Estonians have never seen such a brazen display of exhibitionism ever before.
Like at the United Nations with its many colourful and unique flags flapping in the wind, so were Mary's undies in all their colourful glory. But the Estonians didn't pledge allegiance to these flags - they merely shrieked in horror and disbelief.
Seeing their reactions, Mary rubbed salt in the wound by proclaiming at the top of her lungs "I AM A DIRTY GIRL!!!"
This further traumatized the masses. A young boy held his little sister as she wept "Why? WHY? WHY??!?!" As she buried her face in her brother's shoulder to shield her innocent eyes he comforted her "It's OK little one ... I'll protect you ..."
Geo: 59.4392, 24.7586
Knowing that she hadn't eaten dinner last night, I left a few granola bars on Mary's pillow before going to sleep. This morning, she told me she thought "What a great hostel! They leave food on your pillow!" She was a little disappointed when I explained that it was NOT the Estonian equivalent of a mint on the pillow.
Mary did a crazy thing last night - she slept with 4 guys!!! Of course, it was 4 guys all sleeping in separate bunks, but that's a minor detail that makes the story less interesting.
The hostel serves a good breakfast - toast, cereal, yogurt, ham, cheese, tomatoes, good jam, and juice/coffee/tea. They also had some powdery mix of grains that is supposed to be a traditional Estonian breakfast when mixed with yogurt. I never tried it - but one of the other guests remarked that it tasted like flour mixed with yogurt ... it didn't sound too appetizing.
We chatted with a couple from Berlin - they had just visited Saaremaa Island (our next destination). It didn't sound like they found it very exciting when they described it as just being an island of trees. They did give us some
Sweet function on the washing machine - I never knew that you could program a slut!
tips for areas to stay when we go to Berlin.
Off to do some laundry - there was a place conveniently located just down the street from the hostel. Unfortunately, they were swamped and couldn't have our laundry ready until Tuesday - not very good since we leave Tallinn on Monday morning. The lady was pretty friendly and did suggest another place we could try.
Unlucky Mary - just before leaving the hostel, she asked if she should put her dirty laundry in a backpack to cover it up. I said no, because it's just down the street. Well, it turned out that the other laundromat was quite a distance away - so Mary had to walk 20 minutes through the touristy (and packed) old town to get to the laundromat, all the while displaying her panties for all to see. Hordes of people were subjected to Mary's "Panty Parade".
We found the other laundromat and the laundry Nazis that were employed there. Pat and Mary Asian Circus-Sideshow Freak in the Baltics Moment #3: "NO MACHINE!!!" they barked at us, as they pointed to the bags of laundry on the floor, waiting to be cleaned. Ok ... what did this
We waited for our laundry at a nice little park perched atop a hill, and killed time by planning our time in Tallinn.
It was here that I heard about Mary Moments #13: Apparently it took her 5-10 minutes to figure out how to turn on the shower last night. And all that time I thought she was just enjoying an extra long shower!
And Mary Moment #14: Mary quite excitedly recounted her experience in the dorm room this morning. Nicholas, a Swiss guy, had stripped down into his banana sling in front of her. She commented on the size of Swiss "Toblerones".
I didn't think anything could ruin chocolate for me ... but Mary did just exactly that with her comment.
mean? Should we come back later? "NO MACHINE!!! NO MACHINE!!!" We finally got instructions to return at 7 AM tomorrow morning!
It was a terrible start to the day - they were so rude that I wondered if it was racism. But then they yelled "NO MACHINE FOR DIRTY GIRL LIKE YOU!!!" as we left. Apparently, they had heard about the Panty Parade on the news this morning.
We walked around Tallinn and finally found a place that could take our laundry. In total, it took us almost 1.5 hours to find a place! After returning our laundry to the hostel (giving Mary another chance to extend the Panty Party), we grabbed lunch at "Kompressor". It's one of the few places in town that isn't ultra-touristy, though it does still get quite a few tourists.
There were students hanging out here drinking ... milk?!?? It's funny - in most countries, people go out for a beer, but here they go out for a milk! Perhaps that's why Estonians are so tall?
Lunch was a great deal at 10 euros for the both of us, and we couldn't even finish it all. It was a day of happy pancakes for me, and happy
Students dispensing coffee samples from their giant coffee "backpacks". Companies could probably increase productivity significantly if they had people like this walking around the office, pouring coffee directly down the throats of their employees.
panties for Mary!
Off to the photo museum - nowadays, I tend to find photo exhibits better than art museums. But today I didn't find that to be the case. It was more an assorted collection of old photos taken in Tallinn, than a collection of photos of important historical events. We browsed for a bit and then went to the Dominican monastery.
We had dinner at an ultra-tacky restaurant, but only after another experience with a rude person at our first choice of restaurants. What the heck? We tried avoiding the touristy places, but pretty much everything in the old town is tacky and reminiscent of all the bad parts of Prague that I despise.
I felt better after sampling the pear cider - wow!!! Light, refreshing, sweet ... kind of like Spanish hotties! Anyway, we were stuffed after. But the highlight of the meal was probably the waitress - quite possibly the cutest waitress in all of Estonia, and VERY probably the shortest waitress in all of Estonia (5'-4" isn't much in this land of giants!)
We took a quick walk around town - though it's known for nightlife, there isn't much to see or do in the old town
Mmmm ... giant Estonian pancakes. I had one stuffed with smoked chicken and feta cheese, and served with a delicious flavoured sour cream. Their liberal use of sour cream makes the Estonians my kind of people!
Mary had one filled with trout and cream cheese. There wasn't much trout and it definitely wasn't as good as mine.
I tried the local brew, A. Le Loq - decent.
if you're just walking around. That's why I like Spain so much - just walking around at night is fun and memorable there. But if you like strip joints, Tallinn is the place to be!
I had a very uncomfortable sleep tonight - I shrunk my sleeping shorts and they were pretty tight. Or perhaps as Mary predicted, my butt grew. Who knows ...
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