Bohemian boudoirs and Habsburg harangues

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Next up on my journey on the well-trodden path is one of Eastern, um, I mean Central Europe's (sorry, Czechs, my bad) most beloved tourist traps. Český Krumlov is the Czech Republic's second biggest tourist draw, after Prague, of course. Austrians hop over in droves, so do Germans, Russians, French, Italians, and, like with all other European snow globe towns, Chinese and Japanese.

Before I get there, however, I stop by at České Budějovice, also known as Budweis. Ungh, one of those things where I think "Do I really have to explain that?": Budweis is the home town of one of the best Czech beers (which makes it one of the world's best beers by default), Budweiser. Apparently, they've been having some copyright issues with a beer of the same name, which is brewed in the US and A, making it an insanely popular shit quality beer (almost) by default. But anyway, in my Czech blogs I meant to talk about all the great beers I tried, and not mention piss beers from insignificant countries.

České Budějovice does have a lot more to offer than just beer, in any case. The first thing I notice is the breathtaking architecture. Its central square, Naměstí Přemysla Otakara II, is one of the largest and most beautiful squares I've seen anywhere. Gothic, Renaissance and Baroque buildings all coexist on it, but pale in comparison to the shining star, České Budějovice's baroque town hall. Originally built in 1387, but rebuilt several times, the town hall's roofline features a tall clock tower as well as a low turret at each corner. The strikingly blue façade is decorated with intricate relief sculptures, the city's coat of arms and the symbols of Bohemia, Moravia and Silesia, amongst others. Between the turrets and the clock tower stand four statues, representing Justice, Bravery, Wisdom and Prudence.

For another hour, I wander through the old town's small cobble-stoned alleys, along the river promenade, and visit the old Dominican Monastery, which sports some fascinating and hilarious frescoes. A short bus ride (less than one hour) later, I'm in Český Krumlov. I've already heard a lot about Krumlov from fellow travellers; the town appears to feature regularly on Eurotrip itineraries of young Merkins, Aussies and weird Québécois. It must somehow encompass everything that people from other continents think of as 'European': a fortified old town on a river, accessible via picturesque bridges, a medieval castle, cobblestones, great beer and an 800-year history including emperors, Nazis and Communists, amongst many other things. My first impression is a highly positive one: you got the pretty Renaissance castle looming above the centre, which is basically the nose of a peninsula on the Vltava/Moldau river. Strolling around the inner town makes you feel slightly medieval, just the old people tour groups start getting to me after a while.

I enter a fabulous little beer parlour with a wood-panelled interior, decorated with old (not vintage) enamel plates, medium-sized beer barrels and old photos of the town. It's no secret that Czech cuisine is a little heavy on the meat, but they do have at least a few vegetarian dishes on the menu. The potatoes and boiled vegetables, topped with Balkan cheese, a huge dish, turns out to be pretty satisfying. Even more so is the beer on tap: Krumlov's own Eggenberg. I try the sublime dark lager and the refreshing light beer. While both are world-class brews, the dark one is probably among the top five beers I've ever had, and that's saying something, trust me!

As I'm chomping down on the food, a group of around 15 mostly corpulent old folks enter the place, taking over the two biggest tables in the small pub. Turns out they're Austrian, which doesn't come as a surprise, as Austria is less than an hour's drive away. I reckon nobody must have notified them that Krumlov is in a different country and that the people speak a different language, or maybe they know, but just don't give a fuck. They order their food in Austrian German with a commanding tone that rubs me the wrong way. Even I have a hard time understanding what they're saying, but surprisingly, the waiter comprehends their lingo. One red-faced fatso with Wilhelmine moustache orders mineral water with his dead pig trotters, to which the waiter asks whether he wants with or without gas. The man says "Do as you please" in an incomprehensible mumble, which not only comes across as incredibly rude and supremely ignorant, but also fails to answer the poor waiter's question, for he doesn't understand the grumbler's gibberish. Not only do all of them, no exception, fail to say 'please' or even 'I would like...' or 'Could I get...', they also receive their drinks and food without a word of thanks or at least a little nod. I am so embarrassed by their crude and blunt behaviour and their bad manners that I feel like apologising to the service staff on their behalf: "You have to understand, they're from Austria, they don't know any better."

After that, I take a relaxing walk along the river, enjoying the afternoon sun. I ignore the group of kids in matching shirts getting drunk after kayaking on the river (naturally, Krumlov features all activities that scream 'dumb tourist'; I bet there are several companies that offer old-town Segway tours and forest quad bike-racing) and make my way towards the castle. Český Krumlov's castle, built in the 13th century, is very spread out on the hills overlooking the old town. Inside, I come across a vast garden complex that features a massive fountain with intricate statuettes and a hedge labyrinth.

At a kiosk next to a viewpoint, I buy myself another beer, lounge in a chair and relish the vista. Krumlov does make for a pretty good day trip, but I can't help but think that I would have enjoyed it a lot more, had I had more time, maybe staying there for a night or two. The surrounding hills and forests must make for some nice hikes, and I certainly wouldn't have minded a few more of those divine Eggenberg beers.

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Photos

Eggenberg dark
Krumlov's own and probably one of the top 5 beers I've ever tasted

Column detail
Český Krumlov

Black Tower and St. Nicholas Cathedral
České Budějovice

Naměstí Přemysla Otakara II
České Budějovice

Impressive setting for a castle
Český Krumlov

Náměstí Svornosti
Český Krumlov

Eggenberg light
Light refers to the colour, not calories

Comments

[D MJ Binkley]

Exploring
Fantastic photo.

[Susurros somnolientos]

Thanks! :)