A Man, A Plan, A Canal: Panama

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A Mom, a Menu, a Change, Mama Mia! Well maybe this second phrase isn’t exactly an example of a palindrome where the letters in a word or phrase are the same forwards as they are backwards; but, it is how Sharon and I begin to feel every time we take my mother to the Lido. We’re beginning to think we should stick to the Vista Dining Room where the HAL staff can give her the level of attention that she seems to be adjusting to on this cruise quite nicely. We set our alarm for 4:30 AM so that we could go up to the Crow’s Nest and hopefully get a good spot for viewing the Atlantic-side entrance to the Panama Canal. Our “today ON LOCATION” had us scheduled to reach the breakwater of the canal at 5:00 AM. It was still dark and from our cabin we could see that we must already be approaching the first lock. We saw what appeared to be a freighter pass us in the opposite direction. Sharon went up to the Crow’s Nest first, warning that it may already be crowded. I doubted that; but, showered and dressed nonetheless and went up to join her. We’d told my mother that we’d let her sleep until 5:30 AM; as, she wanted to see the canal also. The Exploration Lounge and Crow’s Nest were pitch black when I got there, and at first I thought I might need to call out to see if anybody was up there at all. I walked towards the front, past many empty chairs and bar tables. I heard a murmur up front by the window, and then saw the glow of Sharon’s cell phone and I spotted her to the left of where that first couple was already camped out with their legs using the front bench as an ottoman. There were many lights and unidentifiable objects in front and near us. There was a string of white lights leading to what might be the first lock; but, it looked much too small for this ship to pass through what had to be the narrowest of channels. I saw a series of red lights in front of us change to green, and made out that the many lights in front of us appeared to be a cargo ship with topside containers. We seemed to be following it. We’d brought up the larger laptop and I began working on the blog from the day before. It was about 6:00 AM when the room did seem to fill up and all of the forward seats were taken. The stewards set up a serving station for coffee. I decided that it was time to go and get my mother. The freighter that had been in front of us was entering the left channel of the locks; while, we were centering in on the right channel. We saw a small tug come out of the right channel and come out to approach the oncoming channel traffic. When I got to my mother’s cabin she was already dressed. We went up to the still dark but bustling Crow’s Nest and made our way towards the front. I motioned my mother to take the seat that I’d been sitting in. My mother started to sit down and Sharon turned to protect the seat saying, “I’m sorry, but my husband is sitting there.” I chuckled, sitting down on the forward bench on the other side of the small bar table with the laptop, and whispered, “Sharon, your husband is sitting here.” I got my mom a cup of coffee and Sharon handed me the camera. It was hard to take pictures through the slanted glass windows of the Crow’s Nest due to condensation, so I decided to go upstairs to the outside viewing deck, and took some pictures there, but you needed to stand on several stacked deck recliners to get above the glass barrier-fence, which I did manage to do, but all of the choice spots were already taken. I took a couple pictures and thought the Promenade Deck might offer a better opportunity for picture taking. On the port side I could see that the mules were already attached to the ship by their guide-wires, engaged in their tracks and keeping the ship on course. I walked around to the starboard side and noticed the channel was still wide here, and a nearby tugboat seemed to be standing by. That was when I noticed one of the crew on an outside drop down platform standing at our level handling wires dangling from the side of the ship. He was getting in place the guide-wires for the mules that would be guiding us from that side of the ship. It still didn’t seem that “This” ship was going to pass through “That” narrow opening ahead. But that sure seemed like what it intended to do. I went back up to the Crow’s Nest, and I’m sure there were those not happy with me sitting on the forward bench, but I tried to keep a small profile. The morning light was now increasing the visibility of these three sets of locks ahead of us was getting easier to make out. The gate we were approaching seemed to have a slight gap in it and water seemed to be trickling through. On the left, that freighter was completely in the lock on that side, with the lock-gate closed behind it. The Canal Guide was now onboard in the Crow’s Nest and giving occasional comments on what was going on, but it was nothing like the commentary Sharon remembers when they did their daylight half-transit of the Canal back just prior to the invasion of Panama. Sharon’s sister Erin had been in the Air Force at the time, and was in charge of doing medical evacuation planning for the upcoming invasion, which she knew was eminent; but, not the exact date… and she could do nothing to suggest to Sharon and her first husband that they might want to postpone that particular cruise for a year or two.

The three locks raise ships up a total of 85 feet. On the Pacific side, a set of two locks and a second set of three locks lowers the ship back down to sea level. You might ask, “Why is there a need for locks if you’re going from sea level on the Atlantic Side to sea level on the Pacific side?” Indeed, when the French began construction back in the 1880’s they planned to build a canal without locks. Their problems came when making cuts through the terrain trying to make a sea level passage through the continental divide, the soil in this tropical region was prone to many and frequent slides. So by raising the ships up 85 feet to cross the continent in the tiny isthmus of Panama you can potentially avoid having 85-plus feet of dirt, mud and rocks on either side of you constantly threatening to bury you. That’s why it’s a good idea to use locks, to make the Canal feasible to build; but, the main reason that you need locks is that the tides on the Pacific side are about plus or minus ten feet, and the tide occur twice a day. On the Atlantic side in this region of the Caribbean the tides are just plus-or-minus a foot and one-half.

Our ship was now in the first lock and we could see our vantage point changing. Initially the lock gate in front of us, which is hinged on the sides and opens in the middle was towering above us. As water flowed into our lock channel, with the lock-gate closed behind us, we began to rise. We could now see water in the lock ahead of us, and could also now see the water in the lock in front of that. The Panama Canal was designed to use the gravity flow of water to flow from the freshwater interior into the locks. This means that every time a ship transits a set of locks, 28 million gallons of fresh water ends up being discharged into the ocean. Approximately 38 ships pass through the Panama Canals each day. And that is the reason that ships are queued up to pass through the sets of locks in groups and not one at a time which would use the full discharge of water for just one vessel. This amount of water required a large freshwater reservoir. A lake to supply the water was constructed using as a source a river. At the time this was the largest man-made lake ever built; until, the Hoover Dam was built spawning the resulting Lake Mead. We noticed many large black birds circling overhead, and were told that these were vultures there to feast on the dead fish that results from the Panama Canal, as fresh water fish wind up being flushed into the ocean to die. Panama now owns and operates the Panama Canal and ships are charged a fee. Cargo ships a fee for the tonnage hauled. Cruise ships a fee for the number of cabins onboard… I believe the guide said the fee was about $134 per cabin, but that that was supposed to be a secret. The most a cruise ship ever paid to transit the Panama Canal was something like $450,000. The least ever paid to transit the canal was $1 when a swimmer swam the canal with his two guards in a rowboat… well, the guards were actually crocodile hunters, so I guess you’d have to really want to swim the Canal. From Team Trivia we had the length of the Canal at 40.3 miles but the guide mentioned that it was 43.0 miles so perhaps someone has a slight dyslexia problem. Google says the canal is 48.0 miles from end-to-end so who really knows. It seemed interminably long but eventually the gates in front of us did open and we began to move forward. Ever so briefly it seemed like we heard scraping sounds on the side of the ship, and I’m thinking, “This can’t be good.” But, the sounds abated and any Titanic-like thoughts that we might have had also went away. After all, we’re supposed to have 4 feet of clearance on each side. Our ship is known as a Panamax Vessel (e.g. maximum size appropriate for the Panama Canal); although the widest ship ever to transit the canal was a U.S. navy vessel and it had just 4 inches clearance on each side.

Mother was ready for some food, so we gave up our choice spot and headed for the Lido. Sharon offered to get my mother’s waffle and when I passed her in line after getting her some oatmeal, she asked, “Does she want the hot apples.” I said she probably should get her some on the side. When I dropped the oatmeal off for my mom, along with the banana and milk, I asked if she wanted apples, and my mom nodded yes, adding “…and some syrup.” I passed Sharon as the waffle was being removed from the waffle grill. “She wants apples and syrup.” Later when my mom was eating her waffle she told us “I can’t eat these apples… they put syrup on them too.” I’m not sure if she expected someone to rush off and get her apples with no syrup; but, nobody did. (Sharon – They’d only put the syrup on the waffle but some of it probably dripped onto the apples J )

We did transit the Canal, and we assembled in the Vista Lounge. We made sure my mom had everything that she needed, and she declined using the restroom before we left. Our excursion was called, “The Panama Railroad Dome Car” excursion to the Pacific locks. The Zuiderdam was now in the lake and we would tender ashore. As we passed down the Main Deck hallway, we were passing our cabins, and my mom decides she needs to take this time to use the bathroom. I asked if she really needed to go now, when she didn’t just fifteen minutes earlier, and she said that she did. Sharon just rolled her eyes and said she hoped that we’d make the tender. Fortunately, we were near the front of the group heading for the tender, and as the last couple walked by on the way to the tender my mother emerged from her cabin. Providence provided us with an elevator to Deck A which opened its doors for us as we got there, and others were backed up waiting to go down the stairs. We got on the tender, but couldn’t sit with Sharon who was already packed in like sardines in the rear of the tender. As the tender pulled away from the Zuiderdam we all saw sizeable scratch marks alongside the hull, as if concrete had scraped away the jet-black DAM ship paint. Ouch!

It was a short ride by bus to the Panama Atlantic Railway Station. Our train painted bright yellow, red and black was already waiting for us. And our car, Number 102, was easy to spot being the only one with the raised dome glass section for better viewing. Our guide was a very energetic retired woman, whose hair appeared too blond for her age, and she proudly confirmed what the number was of the Clairol product that gave her that color. She seemed to be proud of being twice-married and twice-divorced. She’d learned English because she’d gone to a private school where English was taught one hour per day. She’d gotten a job which paid a typical salary of $1,000 per month, so it seemed like a dream-come-true when the U.S. government offered her a comparable job on the base at two and one-half times that amount. She held that job until that base was closed. She claims that husband number-two is still pursuing her, and a comment she made led us to believe that he might be the man selling us snakes and sodas on the train. There is a restroom on either end of the train car, and she recommend that if you need to use it, it’s probably best for number one only. If you need to do the other, she wanted us to know that these toilets are the ones that you’re not to put any paper in. Boarding the train had been open-seating, and we wound up at the rear of a crowd that surged ahead to get choice seats. As all the seats were forward and backward facing benches for two with a table between, Sharon was right thinking it would be unlikely that we’d get one of those tables together. As we walked down the aisle those that surged ahead, and the tour guide sort of suggested that to get the seat that you wanted you needed to run to the front; but, also suggested it was better not to hurry. We passed table after table where one person had gotten a table holding it for the person with them. And nobody had paired up, leaving nowhere for three people to sit; except at the odd table at the end which we wound up at… it was a lower table so you couldn’t put your legs underneath the table as you could with the others. And the bench on the other side of it was sideways (so it didn’t face the table or its opposing bench. The one thing that we did have though was legroom… so this may have been perfect for us.

During the train ride we got to see the extent of the lake that was created. Stumps of many long dead trees still protrude from the waters. We passed through a rain forest. The guide noted that the fast growing grass along the tracks was from Vietnam. During that war, troops were prepared for battle there in the jungle using this rainforest, and the grass had been introduced to match conditions in Vietnam as part of their Jungle Training program. We passed the one-star hotel, the prison. This is the site that Noriega is now incarcerated. He still needs bodyguards and is now suffering from Alzheimer’s. On the approach to the Pacific Side locks, there is a tunnel. Our guide suggested that it would make things very dark in the car and it would offer those who were so inclined for a romantic moment. What the heck, I think Sharon and I were so inclined. What could be more romantic: Kissing in dark traveling through a tunnel in the middle of a Panamanian Rainforest with your mother watching you.

The guide told us to grab the box-snack as we got off the train, and the bottle of water, because you’d need the water (or an awful lot of saliva) to eat the Subway sandwich she would hand you as you got on the bus. It was a short bus trip to the locks and museum and viewing platform. She’d recommended to use the restrooms in this facility… these are normal and clean restrooms on each floor; but, the ones on the fourth floor are best of all because they’re the newest and still smell like vanilla. The Subway sandwich was subway roll with turkey and cheese (and appeared to have been squished together). Sharon was able to remove the cheese and we all got something to eat.

There was supposed to be a place to get gelato here, but we finally concluded that you couldn’t get to it from inside this facility, only outside if you walked up a bunch of stairs, so we finally dispensed with that plan. We saw the locks from the viewing platform on the fourth floor, and took some pictures (after using the vanilla scented bathrooms…and she was right about that!). We made our way to the coffee shop on the first floor outside and I got a chocolate mocha frappe which I shared with Sharon. My mom didn’t want anything. I think she was trying to avoid needing to use the bathroom again after the incident by our cabins this morning. There is a 10-minute movie on the Panama Canal in English that is shown on the hour (Spanish on the half-hour). We watched the 2:00 o’clock showing and then needed to get back on the bus. We met up with our guide, who had managed to get the bus up to the top, so that we didn’t need to go down the many stairs to catch the bus in the parking lot below where we’d been dropped off. There was an escalator going up; but, the one going down was broken… and it really would have been too much for mother to walk those steps.

We were supposed to take the bus back to the ship from here, but I guess there were no other returning fares, so we got to do the train ride back as well. In the train station I spotted a baseball hat that I looked pretty cool, featuring the Panamanian flag, the sun and some rain forest trees in colorful stitching. And then I saw the Panama hat, which I’d heard should range in price from $25 to $250. I asked about the hats and got them both for $20. Obviously not a high quality Panama hat, but it’s more for show than anything else. The baseball hat I plan to wear. Memo for the future… you need to check the size of the hat if it’s not a one-size-fits-all hat. Live and learn. When you’re in a rush, you sometimes overlook the fine details. I took quite a few pictures on the trip back. But at one point we came to a stop and we remained stopped for about fifteen minutes. Then a freight train passed us in the other direction. We’d been told that on this railroad, freight has priority. We ended up waiting there another thirty minutes and finally started on our way again after the second freight train passed us. The tour that had gone on a ferry to go through the Pacific side locks had gotten delayed until a sufficient number of crafts were ready to go through the Canal; and, those people ended up delaying the departure of the Zuiderdam by several hours, and they didn’t get back on board until about 10:30 PM. Our guide made a point to personally interact with everyone on the tour, and would promise prizes for those who correctly answered questions that she might pose, such as to name the Frenchman who had undertaken the first attempt to build the canal. She gave me a prize for going on a cruise and taking my mother (a bottle-opener key chain commemorating the American bridge which we’d seen from the train) and she gave my mother a key chain showing a silver and enamel outline of Panama for her 85th birthday come this Thursday. And she asked who the newlyweds were…there were none; or married just one year… there were none; but, she beamed when we acknowledged that we’d been married just five years. For that, Sharon got a silver spoon, and she told her what to do with it… it had to do with putting some honey on the spoon, every day, for thirty days, in the shower, and I guess I’ll leave the rest to your imagination, but something “good” is supposed to happen… but I’m thinking that something good might be best for much, much younger newlyweds.

After leaving the bus my mom saw a Panama Canal shirt that she thought she liked. She decided not to get it, and we asked her if she was sure she didn’t want it. She said she was sure. After passing through security on the ship she had a change of heart and decided that she did want the shirt after all. I reminded her, “If you see something that you want, the time to buy it is when you see it…” I’m just saying.

We asked for dinner for three and at first my mom wanted nothing to do with the cheese and beer soup that Sharon was sure she would order. She evidently hadn’t heard the “beer” part because she brightened significantly at trying a beer-based soup. I ordered that as well and we both enjoyed it a lot; although, I think my mom enjoyed it most of all. I wanted to try the chilled banana soup with vanilla ice cream. I also ordered the special salad for the day and the “angry rockfish” as my entrée. That really was tasty with a little bit of spiciness. Mother had the salad also and the daily grilled chicken. Sharon had the roast chicken and a baked potato. I had the bananas foster; and, I’m beginning to think that they must have a lot of bananas and vanilla ice cream that they’re trying to use up. Mother liked her orange sorbet, and Sharon ordered vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup which I guess qualifies as a special meal as chocolate sauce was nowhere on tonight’s menu.

After dinner we went to the Show. I was supposed to go and save us some seats and planned to get to the Vista Lounge 30 minutes before show time with my mother. Sharon was off to the casino to rendezvous with Bob. They’ve been having an on-again, off-again relationship this whole cruise, and I’m beginning to wonder if I should be jealous. We had “The 7 Deadly Sins” as the Bonus Trivia Question earlier this cruise, and although “jealousy” per se wasn’t among them, I wonder if it is covered by “envy”. We phoned Neal, my mom’s much, much older brother (that seems to be how Erin and Sharon measure four years) who lives in New Jersey. We’ve tried to call him every day this cruise; but, did miss a couple days due to our hectic schedules. I don’t quite make it to the Vista Lounge by my 7:30 PM plan. The Vista Lounge was already packed when I arrive, and I’m thinking, this isn’t good: and it was only 7:33 PM. I wasn’t that late; but, I’m sure that won’t matter to Sharon when I see her. And I do see her! Glaring at me with that “Where have you been look” which I sometimes confuse with her “You’re supposed to be here look”. And there she is, sitting in the seats that I was supposed to be saving. I’m thinking, Bob hadn’t been very good to her tonight. We make our way to our seats and sit down. I decide a slight change of subject might work, “How did you do?” pretty certain her answer would be something like her reply, “Don’t ask.” But it didn’t work, “It was your turn to save the seats!” To which I cheerfully observed “And we have the seats we wanted.” Sharon hasn’t quite mastered that Shirley smirk, but she is certainly working on it. Tonight the entertainer was Phil Hughs a ventriloquist/comedian that kept us thoroughly entertained. He claims that on the flight here he wound up with something extra in his luggage, and there are two large luggage items behind him. He walks over and takes out a TSA agent he says got stuck in his suitcase. The TSA’s agent’s name is “Jack”, and Phil encourages the audience all to say “Hi” to him, and playing along, the audience responds, “Hi, Jack!” Jack covers his ears and yells back, “Don’t say that word!” Later Phil gets a man and two women from the audience to join him on stage as his puppets. They’re supposed to move their mouths up and down when he touches them on the neck. He started with the man, whose adlib body actions seemed to perfectly complement the running banter and the very high pitched girly voice Phil had given him. The show was very entertaining, and my mother laughed out loud more than once.



After the show I took my mother back to the cabin. She felt too tired to go to the casino, as she’d had a long day and gotten up early to see the Canal. I joined Sharon in the casino and sat down to play blackjack. Things started out badly for me, but I hung in there. Sharon came over and is evidently back on speaking terms with Bob, who had a couple of nice payouts for her. She is certain that second progressive is due to hit; but, meanwhile she’s hanging in there. She headed back to the cabin with a nice profit for the day. I managed to get back to even, and that pit boss is still pacing behind me. I tell myself, I’ll play to get about $100 ahead and quit for the night, and I was halfway there. I was pressing a bit and made a $50 bet. With eleven against a 6, doubling is a good bet, and an eight is not a terrible card to get. Yes, a ten would have been much better, and I would have been paid instantly, and even won after the dealer revealed his five in the hole and the jack that he hit. Ouch. I never recovered from that, and when I made a playing error, instinctively standing on 13 against dealer’s three-card, normally a good play in blackjack; but, not so good in Fun-21. As it turned out, I missed out on hitting a seven… Ouch again. Two ouches at the same table, and it’s time to call it a night!

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