A bit inward the story goes

Published: April 28th 2006
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This is gonna be a bit less about the sites around me, and a bit more about what is goin on in my head, so bear with me if you wish.

so for the past few days, I have been spending my time in Granada (looking up jobs online :S), nearby at the laguna de apoyo, and yesterday at the market in Masaya (looking at hammocks and Nica baseball jerseys).

I think my first reaction of complete enamor and excitement of the city has cooled down (though the temperatures sure haven't, it is by far the hottest place I have been yet.. sweat pours down, without doing anything active). I like the city, though don't have the same connection as I did say in Antigua, or a couple cities on that island in the caribbean.

I have been doing a lot of thinking and writing lately, in a sense trying to figure out where I am at on this trip, what I have gotten out of it, and what I hope to get out of the rest. Everyday in my head, I run over my schedule for the next month, how I can fit Peru in at the end of my trip, along with Monteverde, Corcovado, and volunteering in Costa Rica, and possibly a stop in Panama to see how cheap the ipods are.

But the past few days, I've been questioning my recent motives. Originally the trip was going to be just volunteering in Costa Rica, getting experience working in conservation/restoration work. It quickly inflated to become a whole trip throughout central america, with a number of weeks still volunteering. Now it has turned into a week, maybe two of volunteering, and then trying to see and do as much as possible.

Although I am in much better spirits than I was in Italy 3 years ago, planning a much more sane itinerary, having better luck, ad inn a better place in my head; (really there is no comparison) At the same time, I am beginning to experience a similar sensation as Italia, like I'm not getting exactly what i should out of this trip.

This time it isn't about art (though sadly I haven't done any) It is more that I am here in Nicaragua or Guatemala in one of the poorer countries in the world, and hardly see it. Or in Costa Rica say, I have been enjoying the forests, but I'm not learning about the plants much, or learning about the destruction forces, or rehab processes... granted the turtle work was good in that sense.

A big part of this doubt may come from my recent exhaustion. I have seen and done so much, learned a whole lot, met great people, and have been hiking like crazy. In a sense I am ready to come back. But there is another part of me, craving, needing to really wake up, to experience what we don't hear about or see much in the news, and to help, as much as I can in the little time that I have.

I think events in the past few days have also affected me. I haven't really being too social, as I guess I feel my life is already full of so many great, incredible people. Also I realize I'm going to Ometepe, the Island, just because everyone says it is amazing, and worth it, which no doubt it is... but I just feel my head is also full of so many gorgeous places lately, and canĀ“t fit too many more memories into my head.

Then the most recent addition to all of this is that a good friend of the family, is very sick with the later stages of cancer. This and having watched Hotel Rwanda, just has me thinking about the fragility of life, and yet how traveling you don't really feel that.... I least I haven't been.

Anyway, I think that is enough rambling, but to kinda put an end to this... I am thinking about checking this project out in Managua, a city that doesn't interest me in the least, and at the same time, recently pulls me to see the dirtiness, the harshness of it all. A friend told me about a project they checked out working with street children who live at the dump in Managua in some of the worst conditions. I might just check it out for a few days, or might work. Still don't know about peru... I would love to go, finish the trip there... but may have to do it some other time.

okay con ve mando pace ed amore a tutti
and my thoughts go out to lawrence


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