update

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I am completely overwhelmed. I thought I knew what the next step in our life was, and then I went to the Peace Corps Close of Service conference and I am so confused.

More about that later.

Also, Lenin and I are going to Wiwili on Wednesday through Sunday.

I have so many things going through my mind. What has these last two years in Nicaragua taught me? What have I brought to the table as a volunteer? What are we going to do in the States.

Also, I am so angry. Angry with life in this village and angry with their sense of entitlement. Angry with the business practices that FAIL and how they make nothing being a small farmer and how they do not even DO THE MATH to seeeee how they are failing and whhyyyyyyyy this is a third world nation.

There is nothing any of us can do about the govenment. Or whether or not there is rain or not or too much rain. These are problems for anyone in any country who is trying to make a living as a farmer.

But dear god. So they all have their cosechas in, their harvests. A boy in my family just sold a quintal of beans for 800 cords. That is 8 cords a pound, or less than 50 cents. Now, two months ago before there were any beans and last year´s ran out, we were buying freaking beans for 20 cords a pound in Somoto.

Think about this. Sell now when EVERYONE is selling for 8 cords a pound. And later BUY YOUR OWN BEANS back for 20 cords a pound. This happens allllllllll the time! They think I NEED MONEY NOW so they sell at a ridiculously low price (supply and demand, anyone?) and then when the beans run out in the house, they buy back their own freaking beans (or corn or coffee).

It just makes me soooooo ANGRY. Angry that I cannot say this to them because they don´t listen, angry that intelligent people make such bad decisions.

And the worst part is that most families have small silos! Like they COULD store their harvest and wait for a better price. BUT THEY DON´T.

How am I supposed to make a difference as an agriculture volunteer when they have the tools (silos) and they don´t use them? I can only say things a few thousand times and then I just stop saying them.

...............

I have a TO DO list that is like miles long that incorporates all the paper work to finish my service, things I need to finish up here in Moropoto, lists of things for the job search after-during service, and things to do for the embassy for visa stuff.

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