Frustrations as a Teacher... A Rant


Advertisement
Published: March 3rd 2010
Edit Blog Post

Warning: This entry is a long rant of me whining and complaining. If you aren't going to feel sorry for me, don't read it 😉 Also, it's a private entry so only those signed in may see it.

Life as a teacher has been frustrating lately. I'm unsure of whether it's this Country, my school, my current position, or me...

I had a breakdown in my principal's office last week. I went to talk about things I needed for the musical (black theatre boxes, curtains, etc.) but instead we got a little off topic and discussed a whole lot more:

We discussed the LICE incident and how because of their neglect last time (AND making me feel like I was crazy and my words had no validity) there was another outbreak in my class (AND first grade) and that something should be done about it this time... but also that I need to be careful how I come across in delivering this message so as not to seem pushy... didn't realize telling them; they should check my whole class, remove the rugs and pillows from my class, send home the students who had it, and sending home info with the families about how to clean their house, was being pushy.

We discussed the most difficult student in my class and how hard I've been trying with him. We discussed all the strategies I've tried and how what works in resource (threatening to call his dad - who happens to be the president of the Parent/Teacher Organization that runs our school) will not work in my class as his parents dislike me and look for every reason to try to go to the principal about me (including making up lies that I didn't include a geometry quiz date on my class blog, which I later had to forward to the principal in my own defense to prove that I did).

We discussed how I've been compared to my 4th grade co-teacher, and how because she graduated from the school (yes, we are a breeding ground for teachers), and because she is Honduran and has been around for awhile, she knows how to properly manage (manipulate!) the school and the parents.

We discussed the behavioural problems that have been happening in my classes lately. In 4th grade I have boys sexually harassing the girls. In 2nd grade I have bullying to the point where a kid peed on another kid's assignment folder (after school while changing for basketball), while another spit on the folder, and another threw his glasses in the garbage. Apparently there's nothing the school can do about the SEVERE behavioural problems we have, as the students aren't disciplined at home (probably because they're being raised by their nannies and drivers!)

We discussed how hard it is to teach students to be stand-up members of society while their parents are demonstrating lying (usually to excuse their child from something they've done wrong) and that if you whine and complain long enough, you'll eventually get what you want.

We discussed how I constantly feel like I am walking on eggshells, as no one speaks their minds (for fear of being fired), and our school is a sesspot for gossip (teachers and administration included!)

We discussed how I shouldn't have to defend my relationship to anyone at the school, despite hearing rumours that there have been some administration talking about how we North Americans have been "stepping out of our social class" by dating the Honduran men that we have chosen here. I was pretty sure it was none of their business and that her telling me a story about a former teacher who got married, had a baby and then was ditched and left alone with the baby had no relevance to me.

We discussed how overwhelming it has been as a first year teacher to have to figure out e-beam boards, CELL literacy framework, 6+1 traits of writing, mountain math, DRA testing, powerschool, California standards that don't match the report card standards, Plato testing (which matches Minnesota standards), all while planning brand new lessons. I'm doing too much or too many things and not doing any ONE thing WELL (except for Musical which is going swimmingly!) Every day is a panic attack waiting to happen.

Today was another one of those moments...

After musical rehearsal, I finally sat down and took a good look at the Plato Math test results of our most recent assessment. Students are tested 3 times a year - beginning, middle, and end. I looked at 2nd grade first and was not surprised at what I found. Only 2 students were below where they should be and those students were 2 of the 4 "at risk students" I had according to the first test. Many students made great improvements, and only few did not.

Next I looked at 4th grade. I seriously wanted to cry. I had NO idea how to interpret my results, why I had about 8 students DROP in grades (did they really LOSE knowledge?!), why ONLY about 3 students actually improved the 12 marks they're supposed to, and why HALF of my class is under where they should be. I am so lost about where to go from here and feel incredibly overwhelmed with this horrible news, since I'm sure horrible things will be said about me behind my back (by both parents AND administration) and I'm unsure how to defend it.

I need serious assistance, and I don't feel I'm getting it from administration. I've had days where I tell myself I shouldn't be a teacher, as this level of stress is not how I want to live my life. I've questioned my abilities so many times recently, and am at least glad to know I am not alone. Many other teachers have been feeling the pressure too.

I wonder if it will be like this in Canada as well. Thank goodness for the reassuring from myself and others, so I don't throw in the towel just yet. Thank goodness for Walt moving in soon, for Easter vacation, and even for summer...

...I need a holiday... PRONTO!

Advertisement



3rd March 2010

Just keep swimming
Sarah- I know you and I both (as the only certified teachers our year) went through all these questions several times. I questioned and doubted our 'administration" so much that I eventually quit. When I returned to the states I was so worried that maybe I wasn't meant to be a teacher, maybe I wasn't a good teacher. I have since realized a few things. #1 it IS the country... Honduras just is not where Canada or the States are when it comes to education in every sense of the word. You are absolutly right about the lack of disciplain due to nannys raising kids... they do not beleive anyone is the authority. Schools and administrations have yet to take the initiative and implement any sort of system this way and until they do this will not change. #2 Once you find where you belong in the teaching world, you will know... you will look forward to going to work, to planning new lessons to seeing your students. When I taught 2 years of high school in Colorado, I was a good teacher and did my job well, but I didn't really enjoy it. When I began teachin ESL at the college level, I realized I was always meant to teach, but at this level not the secondary level. You will find where you fit, but I can almost garuntee you it will not be in Honduras, not any time soon any way. Especailly if your school is supposed to be so much better than EBH, and still isn't... just do your best, learn all you can and be the best teacher you know how to be, so that when you realize where you fit you can enjoy every part of it!! Love ya chica fruerza!
3rd March 2010

We need to talk
We need to talk - soon as possible on Skype - it's been too long Love Mom
4th March 2010

Well said Kari
Great advice Kari - I especially love the last bit about just learning all she can and doing her best - hang in there Sarah - I hope words of encouragment like that help! I know you are an amazing teacher - you have touched so many kids lives already for the better Love Mom
5th April 2010

You are NOT alone
Not sure if you know this yet but I'm currently teaching over here and the pressures are HUGE. Not as much the pressure from the parents or admin but pressure I put on myself. I am driving myself crazy trying to be perfect. I am up super late, waking up with nightmares, then rising ridiculously early to prepare. I'm petrified by the upcoming literacy test, terrified that my students will fail and reflect badly on me, I'm worried about everything and my stress level is through the roof but Sarah, rumour has it that is what first year teaching is all about. I can't even count on my two hands the amount of times I've cried or the hours of sleep i've lost as I try try try to be my own dream teacher. The thing I'm trying to learn and come to terms with is that the perfection will all come with time and even then, I doubt it will be perfect. The first year is about survival, about just making it through on a day to day basis and it's okay to feel crappy some days and exhilarated the next. I hope everything improves there, just remember to pay attention to the small moments of beauty -- one kid opening up when they never have before, another writing with more clarity and confidence, another taking responsibility for himself when he never has before. Right now, in these first few years, its the tiny miro-moments of awesome that matter.

Tot: 0.109s; Tpl: 0.01s; cc: 15; qc: 36; dbt: 0.0653s; 1; m:domysql w:travelblog (10.17.0.13); sld: 1; ; mem: 1.1mb