Listening To Tragedy

Published: August 23rd 2007
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This entry has nothing to do with where I am travelling or what I am doing, but a lot to do with how I got here. This exact time last year is when my life screamed change. Apart from the official ending of my very diverse yet challenging thirty something era, there was a number of valid reasons for all this selling up, travelling, cultivating and much needed changing. This was partly due to me losing a dear work colleague at London Ambulance her name was Jane Rolt. She was taken from this crazy earth by a high speed collision involving her motorbike and a lorry, she was 42.

I understand that nothing happens by chance, so the coincidences that happened before and after Jane’s death how could take serious note. Three weeks before, while on my way to a cardiac arrest I was hit by a monster lorry. At the time I felt mild whiplash nothing more, the car was a right off. One week after Jane’s similar yet fatal accident I was back to work and was hit for a second time by another lorry reversing into my stationary car, my boss tried to hide his despair that two response cars were now off the road, but at least I was OK.

I now see that the universe was literally bumping me off that path and on to this one. Four months after my two accidents, I developed deafening tinnitus and bad headaches. On a day when my head pain was too much my car broke down right outside a cranial osteopath, over the previous six months my C1 vertebrae had gone under the original hospital radars as it had shifted slightly to the right which caused inner swelling in my head. It was while I was waiting for my first session I learnt about Lake Atitlan In Guatemala, the girl at reception had a friend already there, I saw photos and heard the stories, since then I have been dreaming about being here, now I am here this is where I am healing a lot of stuff, all round it’s been a powerful journey. I was definitely guided in being here today.

So, with a number of other weird situations going on at during that time and even though I didn’t physically die in those two lorry smashes, I did in a way. At that
Ompah the special cat Ompah the special cat Ompah the special cat

She came from knowhere, she sat with me all day on my bed on 27/07/07 in room 7, as I was remembering and giving thanks...
same time my inner lands were fast becoming barren. I needed uprooting, ploughing and re-seeding, fear kept me rooted in despair this was my only coping mechanism. In a sense Jane’s death was my shovel, seeds, water and sunshine, the death of her became the birth of me, the soul cultivator was born. This proves that everything really does happen for a reason.


What's it like. To be back?

You see things in life and you'd be surprised what you see.

Your whole life is changes.

You go through changes in your life.

One second, you got it made.

Next second you're down in the dumps.

And it goes back and forth throughout your whole life.

One second you got the most beautiful girl in the world,

Next second you don't even have a girlfriend no more.

And it goes back and forth and back and forth, you know?

And this is life, man, its changes.

This is what you gotta go through throughout your whole lifetime.

I'm going through changes*

And it goes back and forth and back and forth, you know?

Never, Never, Land BY UNKLE

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Spread your wingsSpread your wings
Spread your wings

Don't be afraid, to find balance & beauty.

23rd August 2007

shovel & seeds
Lovely meditation on death & life, Soulgirl...I'm missing you here at the Lago!! Weirdly (or perhaps not), someone at the Iguana Perdida just turned me on to an incredible movie called "THE FOUNTAIN" -- you absolutely must get your hands on it -- it is literally ABOUT death as "shovel, seeds, water and sunshine"...from a Mayan perspective no less!!! Stars Hugh Jackman & Rachel Weisz. Your mind will be blown, I promise. Luv & kisses 2U from MoonGirl!
23rd August 2007

brilliant writing as always
Claire, you surprise me every time I read your blog, it is magic and your journey even more so, I am thrilled you have changed your life, and a little envious, we are all trying to escape the shit bit by bit, seems others are following, people leaving London in droves, leaving the country, the message is getting through, stop being muppets, stop giving blood to the government, forget human rights, remember, you have rights too, its your life, get a life! Love youxxxx
25th August 2007

Know it too well
Hey babe I loved reading this, made me stop and think. Jane was cool, i remember the first time i worked with her we chatted for ages and ate pink sweets. I was so hyper all shift. x
29th August 2007

what a tribute..
Dont even know this girl and im very moved, you ambulance people do great work. Great story soulgirl, keep em coming. Mac.

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