Five Years in the Making (pt 3, final)

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August 2014

During this journey I felt completely changed. In January of 2014 I moved out -of the only house I had ever known- to the outskirts of Washington D.C. (Falls Church, VA, to be precise). I learned so much about myself in the five months I was there, but I ultimately decided to move back to Maine when city life started to drive me up the wall and money just wasn't seeming to stay in my bank account. During the last three months of my stay I was working at an absolutely fabulous private elementary school (Eastern Ridge School) and I quickly found my passion for teaching. So, when I moved back to Maine I already had been mulling over the "idea" of teaching at Fuente de Esperanza (the school His Hands helps to support).
Let me tell you, moving back was far from easy. I was living the next town over from where I grew up, working at the same job I had left, and living with my sister. The summer was a lot of fun, but most of the time I was simply facing the circumstances I was presented with and not holding myself to any sort of standard. Where I gained all this self-respect, I lost all of these morals I had always held on to. Maybe it's part of growing up? We all go through tests and trials. My name literally means one who is strong and I know for a fact this is true. Every trial I've faced has only made me stronger, even if there's scars left behind.
I was not overly excited about this trip. Why wouldn't I be? Shouldn't I have been through the roof excited about the new opportunity I was about to start putting training wheels on? Shouldn't I have been feeling throughly blessed that God's plan was bringing me back to a place only a year ago I thought I might never see again? The answer is somewhat simple: when you're depressed it's hard to be excited for anything. The alternative is a little more complex, but basically it boils down to the fact that my life felt like it was in the same place as it had been when I returned from Guatemala in 2013. No progression, no regression, just stagnant. I had thought that everything would be different, that I would be somehow evolved, that all sorts of new achievements would be under my belt. Don't get me wrong, they were there, just not as many as I had expected and not the kinds I was dreaming of.

The first day we helped with an English vocabulary bee at Membrillal, the next day we did the same thing in Zapote. It was a fun competition that let the kids showcase some of the new vocabulary they had learned. We did our normal processing information for the sponsors and then we went from My Father's House to the church's property in San Lucas. That night I had the opportunity to sit down with Merari, Lucky, Patricia, and my parents. So we could discuss plans for me to be used in their ministry. Patricia agreed to open her house to me, and Merari and Lucky agreed that I could definitely be used as an English teacher in Membrillal. Through the course of the conversation I felt all of my previous worries/doubts/stress fade away. I knew I was surrounded by people who encouraged me, supported me, and wanted to see me succeed.
On our second to last day we went to Antigua, did the usual shopping. Halfway through my dad, Hugo, and I snuck off to a chocolate factory. It was a really cool (if not slightly touristy) place that gave free samples -how can you not like free samples?-. After we were done shopping we ate at a restaurant that would remind you of the garden of Eden. The food was so good it soothed my soul. Then we took a trip up a mountain side to a place that had all these shops and artwork, we intended to get dessert there, but we wound up just being content to look around and enjoy the views. The ride down was terrifying because the road felt like it was at a 90 degree angle and was all sharp turns, but I just pretended it was a roller coaster ride and stopped thinking about specifics of brake mechanisms. Once we were on flat ground again I enjoyed the breeze flowing through my hair -forgot to mention I was in the back of the pick-up truck- and for the first time I had the overwhelming feeling of peace that I've come to know so closely since I've been living here.
I felt the same way when I was on the plane, about to land in Houston. I was listening to Quintessence from the Secret Life of Walter Mitty. The sun was setting on the clouds. I knew I was coming back soon. The only thought I could think as I smiled profusely was I'm extraordinarily happy with this beautiful life I'm living. I think about this everyday and I try to make it a reality. I have the tattoo design all done, just need to figure out where to put it... but first I want to always feel extraordinarily happy with this absolutely beautiful life I'm living and since I've been here... I do.

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