Jesus es mi Dios!

Published: September 9th 2008
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So after hitting up the Guatemalan circuit, its the List of random observations you've been waiting for (compiled with help from my dear friend Michelle). Future blogs commenting on specific places are to come.

• Miss riding your old yellow school bus? No worries. Its been dressed up, accessoried with various religious goods and phrases and is waiting for you in Guatemala. Such fantastic phrases include "Mi Dios es Real" or "Jesus es mi Dios" or "Dios vive".

• Feel a little lacklustre in your sex/drugs/rock n roll lifestyle? Make a visit to Maximon and pay for a favor. Or at least curse your neighbor for fun. After all, that jerk did steal your chick(en).

• Forgot to shave your legs? Allow heat from volcanic lava to singe it off.

• Fancy meeting an ex-sailor? You may come across one in Rio Dulce. Its the boatyard of choice for yacht insurers during hurricane season.

• If you ever wished you had a flat forehead & were cross eyed? You'd be a hit with the ancient Mayan elite.

• Bored at your local playground? Come on down to Livingston's where they have live alligators for your amusement. Be sure not to jump in when you're drunk no matter what your friends tell you.

• In certain areas, large amounts of garbage easily viewed in public could be signs of a wealthy town/village.

• You know you're paranoid when you spend hours inspecting the red bumps on your body deciding which are bedbugs vs. mosquito bites

• packs of wild dogs barking like a symphony orchestra + roosters crowing at any and all hours of the night + mariachi band + never ending fireworks in honor of a Guatemalan ritual/birthday/celebration/occasion = thank goodness for stolen earplugs from roommate's work

• Double fisting shots of tequila in an effort to best Montezuma's revenge.

• Not getting enough of Jesus in Church? Don't worry. He's been turned into furniture for your sitting pleasure.

• The universal sales phrase: For you my friend, I give you good price.

• FYI: According to the Mayans, the world is ending in 2012. Party at Tikal and everyone's invited!

• Bimbos arn't just brainless trashy women. They're in doughtnut form here.

• There's an odd feeling as though you've seen this Guatemalan/Mexican/MTV music video first on MuchMusic/MTV back home by a completely different artist.

• Don't remember spanish verb tenses? Start every sentence with "Es possible... (+ verb). it worked for me and I'm not lost yet.

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