For New Readers: Read The Almanac for a good introduction into this blog.
Also note that without a private invite (ask me!) you'll be completely lost

I was born and raised in NYC
I attended university in Montreal with summers in Tokyo, Tokyo, Texas, Tokyo

And in every single one of these locations, I fail miserably at reaching my ultimate goal-a long term relationship.
Instead, I end up doing idiotic things, getting super loser wasted and on the rare occasions when I manage to pick up a girl (or girls) I can never rope them into a relationship...

Disclaimer: This blog is meant to be a self deprecating, sarcastic and humorous outlook on my mundane life. The events described could be fictional, but the views expressed are all my own and no one else's. If you are offended by any part of this blog, um, use common sense and close the window instead of reading more and getting agitated...

I liberally sprinkle chauvinistic statements, racial stereotypes, misogynistic thoughts and crude language into my entries for humor, but these are a part of my humorous writing style and do not reflect, in any shape or form, my true leanings. They are jokes.

If you like what you see (highly unlikely), ask for a private subscription to read the more...colorful entries.

Europe » United Kingdom » England » Greater London » Holborn December 31st 2010

As mentioned many times, I do not travel for “culture”, “breath-taking scenery” and “gaining appreciation”. I am fully aware this alienates me from 99% of Travelblog and the 1% who read my shit are lonely single men who haven’t discovered free online porn, dating sites or craigslist hookers and sit there whacking off as they read about me whacking off to some girl I haven’t even gotten to first base with. I travel to have fun. Which does not mean I drop money on a plane ticket so I can pay an entrance fee to stare at objects I could’ve easily stared at by typing “London Musem of Art” in Google Image search from the comfort of my American home. Then again, I do drop money on a plane ticket and pay an entrance fee to ... read more
Besides Spelling Color with a 'U'
Brits Continue Their Mastery of the English Language
D-German Saddened by the Proof

Europe » United Kingdom » England » Greater London » Heathrow Airport December 28th 2010

Excuse the emotional deluge that was the previous entry. I had to write about it. To erase all confusion, though I did add a few lines in the end about writing that entry “last night”, the timeline for the blog stands in mid–August when I returned to America after visiting Teddy in Calgary. The rest of the summer/fall of 2010 was largely inconsequential. There was another Vegas trip in late October for Halloween/my birthday that was even crazier than the first (all pictures are from that weekend). We managed to sneak into a table at XS, DJ Tiesto just walked in one night and ripped up the club, Floyd Mayweather popped up in another club (presumably to duck Pacquiao), an 8-hour blackjack rampage ensued and a blacked out Kentucky managed to clear airport security on an ... read more
White Girls
The Vegas Crew
Floyd Mayweather Jr

North America » Canada » Alberta » Calgary August 5th 2010

July 25, 2010. I was vomiting blood into my sink. I slammed the faucet on. I grabbed my tee and swiped it over my bloody mouth, my bloody nose, and hurled it into a corner. I crawled to my bed. I need to straighten myself out. I flung my laptop onto the bed. Typed in my credit card number, clicked “Buy” and passed out. April 25, 2010. She had said wait while I make my decision. How long, I had asked. I’m insanely busy with work, and school, and finals, Miss KO had said. A month she had said. A month? I had asked incredulously. A fucking month? It was so obvious. She wanted to break up with me. She was going to break up with me. But she didn’t have the guts to do it. ... read more
Gen and Bridge
New Yorker Attempts To Roast Corn
The Morning After

Oceans and Seas » Pacific July 31st 2010

This is my 100th blog entry! So to celebrate, we bring back a reader favorite. The Almanac, Part 2. This only covers entries 50-100 and assumes you have some grasp of the basics of the blog (who I am, who Teddy is, the baseball metaphor) For new readers interested in the aforementioned basics read the Almanac Part 1 or start reading from the beginning of the blog. On to the good shit: Lack of Writing in 2009-2010 Excuse 1 I had a serious girlfriend for a few months and then a tumultuous breakup which left me a shell of the person I once was. Think of it like Tiger's extramarital affairs effecting his golfing dominance. (American/Standard) Female Rating System (mentioned everywhere) Why use a simple 10-based metric system for rating girls which makes intuitive sense? Why ... read more

North America » United States » Nevada » Las Vegas July 27th 2010

Brimming with the feel of making money (I had won over $400 in craps), I check the time…and oh shit! We should leave soon… So we drag ourselves upstairs and start waking the rest of the guys up. And blearily/drunkenly pack. And then smoke a bowl. And then pack. And then check-out. And then head to the van. It’s 11am and even with sunglasses the light is searing my contact fused retinas. We manage to load everything into the van and then peel off for LA. We breezed thru the first hour, the windows rolled down in our 1980’s full-sized van to keep the temperature reasonable (it was around 120 degrees). A few bowls were passed. Some comments were uttered. Rap music blared. And then with a hiss the van broke down in the middle of ... read more
Kentucky-Sans Head

North America » United States » Nevada » Las Vegas July 26th 2010

We got to Vegas and I won’t bore you with stories about how the lighted Vegas skyline leapt up from the desert, or how our room was baller, or how the girls were smoking hot, or how we stepped into the casino and were overwhelmed. People have written the same things countless times. Instead, picture 7 ragtag college students crammed into a 2 bedroom room in the priciest Strip hotel smoking bowl after bowl while taking swigs of whiskey at 4am in the morning. And then all of us passing out hard. We spent the greater part of the next day liquoring up and laying out in the European pool at our hotel. And here is where I make a slight aside. A European pool, for those unfamiliar, is a pool where people can strip nude. ... read more
Drunk Friends
Holding Chips

North America » United States » Nevada » Las Vegas July 25th 2010

I don’t remember what happened after I struck out (voluntarily, I will claim) against surprising Jewish competition and a run-of-the-mill Asian pitcher. Maybe I lamented the first penetration of a JAP by a Jap. Perhaps we hit on some girls on the way back. More likely, me and Kentucky wandered drunkenly to the motel and passed out, because we both woke up with banging hangovers underlining our lack of banging in life. For a week, our bodies punished us for the two nights of debauchery in San Francisco. By Thursday, all traces of the hangover finally disappeared, my muscles finally recovered from two straight nights of dancing and I actually felt human again. I bounded into work early (early for me being 10am), worked for two hours and then met Vams and Kentucky for lunch. We ... read more
Driving to LA

Read Day 1 here and here. Read the beginning of Day 2 here. In a testament to how messed up we were that morning, the first sip of Miller Lite tasted amazing. And immediately started wiping out huge swathes of memory. There is only one scene I can distinctly remember at the bar, occurring within my first beer and thus evading the complete annihilation consecutive beers had. It was Steven Gerrard’s 4th minute goal. Up to that point the bar had been worked up into a frenzy by the Star-Spangled Banner, ultra slow-motion high definition shots of David Beckham r... read more
Vams' Friend

Read Day 1 here and here. June 12, 2010 was like every morning after an insane night of drinking. Except 10,000 times worse. It started with the earsplitting racket only a cheap motel alarm clock can make. Still trying to clutch onto sleep, I threw my hand at the clock and fell out of bed. Right, this wasn’t my room. The distance to the sidetable was off. Sleep-deprived, head spinning from the fall, hungover yet still drunk, my mind was literally exploding from every “ANCK-ANCK-ANCK” the alarm clock was reverberating through the room. Eyes glued shut by contacts fusing my corneas with my inner eyelids, I waded to the source, and clumsily smashed... read more

As usual ask for a private entry to read the more interesting entries I have to hide. This entry is continued from the previous entry. After handing off the choke-artist pitcher (what an apt name on so many levels) to her friends, I sauntered back to the bar and told Kentucky all that transpired in the bathroom. Like most people who’ve partied with me, he was slightly disbelieving. Now some of you readers are confused. This guy just claimed to have almost gotten head in a bathroom, but she threw up, and he managed to do pull some Matrix move to get out of range? And add to that, both parties were Asian—Asian pitchers are notoriously hard to hit and Asian men are not graced with athletic prowess—so how the fuck is this believable on any ... read more
Prison Deuce and Kentucky

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