Ting Tong Thai Time

Asia
November 30th 2009

Published: January 3rd 2010

Okay, so it's been a while since I've written anything here, which means, yes, every country in the world (or at least Asia) is better than China. I've written half of this blog before, and lost it due to a shitty internet connection, so I'm just going to write a list of what I did, with as little punctuation as possible:

Realised on the bus from the airport that i'd lost all my social skills in China and couldn't flirt back properly when a Chileno started talking to me. Felt a bit giddy, i was so excited to be out of China.
met a girl from Cardiff Uni on the bus from Bangkok airport and drank cider before we found our hidden hostel
went to a club on ko san road, got free whisky from a blonde brazilian doing capoira, ate BBQ crickets, read a photocopy of yesterdays Sun, genius
met a hot boy from Martinique who was studying to be a thai boxing referee and had a gold tooth
broke a bed, it was a rubbish bed anyway
met an Auzzie girl with a Thai boyfriend (usually the other way round, eh?) who were determined to get me wasted. they succeeded. ate grasshoppers, drank sangsom, realised I can't understand Thai accents, lost about six hours of my life.
has to call the bus to Koh Chang back to my hostel the next morning because I missed it, and hadn't packed. misunderstood that they WERE coming back, went back to bed, and the hostel receptionist had to pack for me
spent the full six hours throwing up into a 7-11 bag, which i realised 5 hours in had a hole in, felt bad for the girl sat next to me, fell asleep on the ferry, nearly went back and forth twice
arrived in Koh Chang, drank some milk, watched an amazing sunset, found somewhere to stay, slept, watched films and drank more milk
got lots of free whisky from a Thai boy with dreads. had the exact same conversation with him, three times. got asked if i was visiting family in China (i said no, i'm visiting my friend louisa's family) got called boring because i wanted to go home early. realised the free drinks would dry up soon. went to another beach.
stayed in and read some books on the days it pissed down. have read a lot of books this holiday. Would not recommend coming to Thailand in November, prices are high season, but the weather hasn't caught up.
ate danish food, flirted with danish barman old enough to be my dad, got evils off is thai bride. made friends with an American girl called Amber. Thought she was a little crazy, but the free drinks kept coming, so i put up with it and her ugly Turk boyfriend. she declared me her new best friend. this lasted about twenty minutes. played with some really cute puppies. more free drinks. helped the barman with his flyer designs and how to make the appeal to Brits, more free drinks. Amber came back, and I realised she was just a little bit TOO manic, driving in her brand new lexus, buying her ugly boyfriend drinks on her gold card and taking crazy Thai prescription drugs that "make your brain work better." Felt a little bit Mischa Barton, and I was battered, so I somehow managed to get home.
Met a really cool Canadian couple who looked like Sinead O'Conner and George Clooney, danced with them a lot. broke my flip flops. lost another six to eight hours of my life. fucking sangsom.
Met the two funniest people i've ever met, Neil and Dawn, who knew lots of famous people (David Attenboroughs a cock apparently) and Dawn used to date Nicky Holloway.
Got the bus back to Bangkok, wasn't sick in a bag once. congratulated myself. wished i could tell people on my bus how lucky they were, didn't think they'd fully grasp how lucky they were.
met a wierd American man walking down the street who was making sideways eye contact, i thought he was going to rob me, so i stopped at a stall, but he stopped too and asked if he could help me. I assumed he was selling drugs or was high cos he looked shifty but then he insisted on walking with me and telling me how he was in Bangkok because he was trying to come out of his shell, and that was why he was so "socially awkward." I was freaked out, and assumed his therapist back in the states had sent him on a mission. I invited him to eat with me, but he was a veggie and i wanted meat, so i talked to him a little while longer, and then he dissapeared as quickly as he'd arrived. Odd. Odd. Odd.
He came to my hostel the next night, and sat down to talk to me, but as though we'd never spoken before, he told me all the same stuff he'd said before, and asked the same questions, but then revealed he used to be a monk! He'd stopped being a monk and was trying to get back into real life (unsuccessfully, i think) which explains the shaved head, veggie-status and lack of free drinks he wasn't buying me. Freaked me out some more because he had found where I live, and then he started saying how its awkward when someone doesn't wanna speak to someone but they have to find an excuse to get them to go away, like, "i'm sorry, but i really want to read my book." I gave it about ten minutes and then told him, I was really sorry, I really wanted to read my book. he didn't take the hint, and gave me his "business card" which was actually a small, small square of paper with his address and email and phone number on, and asked if i wanted to call him and chat sometimes. then he (thankfully) left. Odd.Odd.Odd.
Went for a drink with my friend from Denmark Nanna who is studying in Bangkok.
Decided to go to Koh Phan Gan. Arrived at the bus on time (it was a night bus). Met two Irish lads, Marcus and Liam, and a cool Auzzie lady called Tanya. Apparently the aversion I have to certain materials is because I'm a Taurus. Tanya's cool, and I wanna be like her when I grow up, I think. Couldn't sleep on the bus, even though i was knackered from the night before.
Realised my hotel (which was lovely, nicest place I've stayed and not expensive) was at the furthest point on the island from Haad Rin, where the full moon parties were. Was tired from the journey, so ate some food and went to bed. Had a great 21 hour sleep.
Went to the beach, met a small Thai boy who liked to make up his own words (usually about the fish he was cooking) to Bob Dylan songs. I think Kate would love him. Made him do some fire breathing, and somersaults and give me a free drink. For some reason he listened.
Met a cool Auzzie guy called Dave who loves McDonalds, and can climb from his window to McDonalds without anyone else in his house finding out. Made a date with him to get a pizza-breakfast in the morning, but i slept in and missed it. I know where he lives though, and am going to take him a happy meal when I get to Auzzie.
Saw a cockroach in my room, but was half asleep, so didn't really care.
Went to Shiva Moon Party with the Irish and Tanya. Started on the sangsom too early, started on the mushroom shakes too early. Me and Liam got hammered and spent an hour haggling over a quid on the taxi fare. Both lost our flip flops,, but didn't care because at least we'd both lost them. Took lots of pictures of our bare feet. (As proof? I have no idea, it made sense at the time)
Next morning, went to Ko Samui with the boys to see their English mate Jimmy (Jamie? I was singing Jimmy to him, and the Irish thought they'd picked up a nutter) who had great arms, but only an okay face. He was a bit uptight and wouldn't take his shirt off when I asked him to. This is why I don't like english boys, even ones with great guns.
Was all wasted again by 6pm. There were lost of prostitutes, who loved me and gave me free shots. Me and Liam lost Marcus and got up on the table/pole dancing thing and danced with the hot prostitutes. One of them asked me to buy her a drink, which i refused to do, i'm a girl, thats not my job.
Bought some meat on a stick, had Liam declare his love (always nice) got locked out because Marcus had the keys. Tried to break in, fail. Had to find a night watchman to let us in. Both passed out and missed Marcus pulling a Thai bird, which we'd been dying to see!
Had a worried call from the boys at my hostel because I'd been gone nearly three days and they thought maybe i was dead. I wasn't. They were relieved.
Bought some new flip flops, which I'd like to point out are the sixth pair since i left China. And only the first pair i lost were Havianas, so when I'm back in Thailand, I'm on a mission to get another pair of Havianas.
Started off on my journey to Malaysia, which involved a taxi to the pier, a boat to the mainland, a bus to the town centre, a taxi to the train station, a train across the border, getting off the train to go through customs, getting back on the train to Kuala Lumpur and then a train to the airport. That took more or less three days.
Met an Auzzie who works for Auzzie Intro, which helps backpackers learn to backpack. Think I would be good at that job, if I didn't think it was a bit ludicrous that people need to learn that.

Overall, Thailand was cool, if only for the fact that it wasn't China. I seem to be the only person in the world who hates Thai food (bloody lemongrass). Dislike having to take my shoes off all the time then drunkenly losing them. Beer should be cheaper, with no restrictions on when you can sell it. I should have embraced the Sangsom earlier I think. Thais are cute and smiley and lovely. I ate A LOT of tuna sandwiches, and think monks are amazing (but not wierd stalker like ex-monks). Took hardly any photos, but I'm going back in February, so I'll do it then. Liked riding in a truck like a Mexican, especially the trucks with hammocks in the back. Overall: Would recommend to a friend.

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