HCMC - Lunch = Lesson #1

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After our brief stop at the opera house for quick photographs we walked through Lam Son Park landing us on a gigantic roundabout. Consulting the map we stood on DL Le Loi which would lead us to Binh Thanh Market. Or if we walked down DL Nguyen Hue towards a plethora of restaurants and shops. "Are you finished consulting the map yet? I want a bowl of Pho," I heard over my shoulder. "Yes. We can walk this way, that way, or over there. Then we just need to pick whichever Pho place suits your stomachs desires."

Hopping back across DL Le Loi we scrambled past three cyclo drivers pushing to gain our attention and help us get to our desired location. "Sorry, we are going to eat," I said, not engaging with anyone in particular. Walking around the corner didn't stop the third one from asking if we needed help. Neglecting to reply I pointed across the street. "I think if we go into that alley there, we should find a few different Pho shops." "Great let's go."

Skipping across the first lane of traffic, we look across the remaining three very wide, very spread out lanes. Looking right, then left, then right again, cars, mopeds, trucks and bicycles went past at various speeds. The ultimate game of chicken I thought to myself. "Which street did you say?" Shauna asked as we finally reached the other side. "Phew! I hope we have a better strategy the next time we go across a road that wide," I smile, "around the corner," I point.

Walking around the corner we are presented with twelve signs all stating the same thing Pho. "Which one do you want to go into? Ciao Cafe? Pho 24? Lemon Grass?" "I'm not sure but this one over here has decent prices. I say this one." "Fine with me."

We enter into the dimly lit restaurant. We are asked to sit down. We smile as the waiter hands us menus. Expecting him to speak in Vietnamese, he says in English, "would you like something to drink?" Great! We've landed in America? What the...? I thought we were in Vietnam? "Please give us a moment," Shauna says politely.

Perusing the menu, I find they serve Pho, nine different ways but they do have a blendid tea made strictly from sugarcane. Perfect. Shauna waves down the waiter to ask how large the bowls are? Medium is this big, he gestures with his hands, about four inches deep. And Large is twice that size. We opt to order. I order Pho Bo because I cannot spot any vegetarian options. Shauna inquires about having only vegetables. The waiter smiles. Yes he says. Vegetable Pho comes in one size. I smile. "Me too, please. No Pho Bo. Two vegetable." This instantly confuses him. "So, you want latte, sugarcane, Pho Bo, Pho Vegetable and Pho Vegetable?" "No. Pho Bo," Shauna retorts. He smiles. Nods. And walks away.

Ten minutes after the Pho arrives, I point to Shauna's shoulder. "Are those crickets?" "Nope. Small cockroaches. I hope they don't fly." "Great, Pho with a bit of insect. Just what I wanted to eat. What do you think these things are?" I point to this tray the waiter has brought us. They appear to be deep fried tofu. We both assume (since we live in South Korea) that these are included with our meal. Hungry, I don't really care. And tear into one. As I chew on it, I notice people pushing the plate away from their table. "Those people must not like them. They keep pushing them away from their tables," I state. "Or, maybe they don't like tofu? Here try this," I pass a little chunk to Shauna. "I think it goes into your Pho. But you're right. It tastes like fried tofu."

As our bowl are set down in front of us, we both pick up the plastic wet napkins sitting on the table. Opening them up, we both wash our hands and faces before digging into our delicious meal. The drinks go down. The meal goes down. Pho 24, has filled our bellies. We smile. Looking at each other we wait. Ten minutes later we are still waiting for the bill. Or the waiter. Another five minutes and we've become fidgety. Finally, I stand up (usually this brings someone). No one approaches. I turn to head for the door. Still nothing. I cannot believe it. Shauna smiles. Stands up and is about to walk out the thresh hold when we are spotted exiting the restaurant but no one seems to mind we walk down the road. Eventually, a waiter waves us down just before we begin crossing the road way. "You must pay." We both laugh. "Pay? For what? Shitty service?" I totally had yea there didn't I... lol

Actually, we tried getting three different waiters attention until I decided to approach the manager looking guy. It took a couple of minutes longer but they handed me the receipt. I was expecting the total to be around 100,000 dong but it was 146,000? Why? Looking over the receipt there are three extra charges tacked onto the bottom of the bill. Each one was 5,000 dong or less. I showed Shauna the bill because maybe she ordered something I didn't hear? "I couldn't tell you what those are?" She said empathetically.

Again I walked over to the manager guy, holding out the receipt, I pointed at the first set of numbers and asked, "Can you tell me what 4 x 5,000 is for?" "Those are the banh mi. " "The what?" "Those there. In the plastic. They are 2 in each package. You at 2 packages," he smiles. "The fried tofu? That's 2 in a package?," I laugh. Unbelievable I think. "And this, I point to the 2 x 5,000. What is this?" "Those are the wet napkins on your table. You use two." Seriously? What the... I stop. Breath. Think. I'm not in Korea, anymore. Lesson #1. Nothing on the table is free in Vietnam. "And this? I point to the final extra charge." He smiles, "it is for the mints left by your waiter." Its my turn to smile. Pulling out the bills I hand him 150,000 dong, receive my change, take the bill and stuff it into my pocket. I walk over to Shauna, grab my bag and say, "time to go."

Outside she says to me, "Well? What were the charges for?" "5,000 each for the fried tofu. He said there were 2 in each package. 5,000 for using the wet napkins. And 5,000 for each breath mint. That's a total of 40,000 more. That explains why everyone else pushed the stuff off their tables," we both smile at each other. Laughter begins to erupt out of us both. We were just swindled for $2 USD within our first two hours in HCMC.

"You know the funny thing in all this?" I inquire of Shauna's intellect. "No. What?" She responds. "We just spent the equivalent of $7 USD," I begin grinning ear to ear. Laughter ringing out of my being. She grabs my arm, interlocking hers into mine, "Where are we off to next Mr. Guidebook man?" "This way," I say, pointing us down the sidewalk heading away from our hotel towards the Old Market.

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