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Published: April 30th 2007
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Well booking a trip to Halong bay from Hanoi shouldn't be done in haste or with a hangover. In fairness, we did ask around a couple of places before delighting our pushy hosts and signing up for a trip with them. All the places seem to offer the same trip for around the same price - a photo is shown of a beautiful junk with it's red sails up and luxurious cabin accommodation for the one night on the boat. Visits to spectacular caves, bbq fish suppers, sea kayaking and the Cat ba island national park are all included in the $50 price. Only thing extra are drinks! It all sounds wonderfully thought out and obviously runs like clockwork if they have being doing it so long. The fantasy soon fades, however, before the minibus has even left Hanoi for the 3 hour journey (which somehow extends to 4.5 hours even though our frenzied, horn-blowing driver nearly ran down several dozen people en route) as the tour guide goes through the schedule for the next 3 days. Even this is subject to change at any time as this agency of scammers try to cut corners and costs by getting the
maximum amount of people for each activity. The constant excuse was that it was a big holiday in Vietnam and everywhere very crazy. Just to give an idea of the changes and discrepancies. The boat finally got underway 2 hours after it was supposed to, to arrive at some caves with every other boat in the fleet. 50 boats, hundreds of tourists, absolute chaos. Another hours delay before pulling out and an "optional" $2 small boat trip meant that the kayaking was postponed until 6 the next morning before breakfast. Our vessel seemed to be the smallest and oldest of the whole fleet - it didn't have sails unless you count the clothes lines! The fish bbq was one steamed fish shared between 6 people. THe sumptuous cabin was a stuffy shoebox over the engine room with a toilet that wouldn't flush. The hotel on Cat ba was a 5 storey empty 2 km from the town - not the Princes as promised. The trip to the national park was a joke. They took us up a hill somewhere on a trail, said they had bought the tickets already and told us to take photos at the top - very
beautiful! Indeed it was and very cheap for them too as they saved a $1 on each of the 60 people they brought on their free hike. The paid for trip to Monkey Island was suddenly optional for $5 each, we declined and availed of the happy hour in the towns bars instead. Discovery tours - what a shower of cheapskate w**kers! I tried to put all this info in Tripadvisor under the Central Stars "hotel" especially because the get such sparkling reviews about the trips they organise. This is because they bribe travellers with free board to write these before they even go! Obviously when I mentioned this tripadvisor didn't publish my truthful account. We thought that Kellee and Conor would have a much better trip since the booked through the Golden Sun hotel which has a good reputation. They had nearly the very same experience. The only way to ensure value for money is to pay a bit more ($70) with the Kangaroo Cafe or for even more luxury Handspan tours.
Still, the landscape was beautiful, even if the water was filthy due to the boats and the people who live on the water in the sheltered bays.
They even have floating schools and amazingly floating bars with pool tables - random chance pool? Cat ba is worth seeing and it was an experience to paddle the kayak in near total tranquility around the bay at 6 in the morning - an hour I'm not normally awake. And you always meet someone with a worse story than yourself which makes you feel better. Some people had paid $75 dollars just for a 2 day/1 night trip. We met two Armagh lads who had our room the second night and made the mistake of sitting on the toilet. It split in half and the sewage gushed back up into their bathroom. They found it a hilarious tale to tell. I'm obviously losing my sense of humour with age and not cut out for this backpacking lark anymore.
We made it back to Hanoi, immediately changed hotels to the cosier and cheaper Dong Ha around the corner, ended up in the Dragonfly bar playing pool with ex-pat Nigerian football players and let Halong bay be washed away in a deluge of cocktails. Needless to say, the next day was write-off as we attempted to find the Bookworm to buy some
tomes about Vietnam. This proved to be a fruitless task when we eventually tracked down said bookstore in the French quarter. Just had time to pick up our luggage and meet Kellee and Conor for farewell drinks and springrolls before getting a taxi to the train station and hopping on the Reunification express overnight sleeper heading south.
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