Take Me to the Beeeeeeach


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Asia » Thailand » South-West Thailand » Phuket
November 19th 2014
Published: November 23rd 2014
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Tina Writes




After a few days of doing very little we finally sorted out some trips. Today we were headed on a zipline activity. There were loads of different companies offering the same thing much like GoApe here. It also wasn’t cheap, £32 each for about an hour of activity. It was in the afternoon so we lazily had breakfast and waited for or pick-up. We picked up another 2 people. Two girls from NZ. The zipline was much further away than expected and it took an hour to get to the place.

When we arrived we had to walk a bit to the base as it was right in the jungle basically. Walking up hills in this kind of heat is very tiring but we were there soon enough. Much to my delight, the first thing that greeted us was a tiny ginger kitten which came running and meowing towards us. I scooped it up and proceeded to cuddle. It really took to Rob and was all over him. It seems this wee thing must have been taken from his Mother too early as it started suckling on Rob’s T-shirt. It was very cute but also a wee shame.

The friendly owners geared us up with harnesses, helmets and gloves and off we went to the try out zipline. They showed us how to attach ourselves, keep safe and how to break using our glove which had a curved bit of rubber attached to it. Basically you just pulled down and squeezed the rope to slow down.

Now came the difficult bit, well for me anyway. We had to climb up some steep hills in order to reach the first zipline, which was obviously quite high up. If you were to refer back 4 years to my Inca Trail blog, you will learn that I am not a fit person by any means. In fact I am disgustingly unfit, it’s not right to be honest. The worst thing about this was the heat. I, particularly, can’t handle heat like this, and exertion. As Rob and the two young, skinny girls bounced up the hill, I was way behind, pissing of sweat and desperately trying to hide the asthma attack noises I was making. I had to stop several times, leaving them all waiting for me. It was incredibly embarrassing!

Eventually I reached the top and the others and we attached ourselves and let go. I was just so happy for the breeze which was being created, I barely noticed the ride. We all ziplined our way through the jungle at great speed and had a great time until we finally were back were we started. At this point you realise why it’s only an hour, much longer and it would have become too much.

We headed back to the base were fresh pineapple and kitten awaited us. This time the kitten decided to suckle the top of my vest so it kinda looked like I was breast feeding it. Finally my dream came true. If I could give birth to kittens, I would be preggers all the time!

Back to the hotel and we decided the sushi from the other night was so good, we would go there again for dinner, followed by a foot massage. Lovely. We also took another walk up Bangla Rd. I had decided we should go to a Ping Pong show before we left. On our way through the crowds of hawkers, Rob turned to me and said ‘just keep walking’. I assumed the worst, there must be a giant cockroach somewhere. When I turned to walk away there was a man holding a Slow Loris. I had never seen one of these monkeys before a few years ago, when I was watching Big Trouble in Thailand one night. They showed a hawker like this guy with a Slow Loris wearing a tiny tutu. It was the cutest and saddest thing I had ever seen. This kind of treatment of animals makes me sick but I also fell in love with that wee monkey and I really wish I could have one. I let out a weird squeaky noise when I saw it and carried on squeaking as Rob dragged me away. That played on my mind the rest of the evening. Poor, poor wee thing. I can’t imagine what it must be feeling being passed around to stupid drunk assholes in one of the loudest assaults of your senses I have ever experienced never mind for a wee tiny monkey whose natural place could not be further away.

We were then approached by a guy asking if we wanted to see a Ping Pong show, so we agreed to go in and have a look. We sat down and were shown the drinks menu. The drinks were in the region of £25 each. We couldn’t have gotten out that door any quicker with the bar lady following us up the street, trying to stop us. I assume she was going to half the prices or something but we weren’t giving her the chance. We went back to the hotel and were off to bed early as we had booked in for a trip next morning and were being picked up at 6.30am!

The driver was right on time and we shoved as much breakfast in us as possible before heading out for our trip. We picked up several other people on the way and were out on our fancy speedboat by 8am. We were headed to Phi Phi Ley and Maya Bay, this is the beach where ‘The Beach’ was filmed. We had booked a trip with a more expensive company in order to be at each destination much earlier than the mass hoards as we had heard it was horrible. When we arrived there was no doubt about it, this was undoubtedly ‘The Beach’ beach. It was so beautiful, just as it is in the movie except a shit load of people. It was still very busy despite being there so early. These people were either paying more like us or had hired a private boat. We got on shore and the sand was lovely. We went around the back and seen one of the buildings used in the film which is now used by the park ranger (cool job!). You could also swim in the beautiful blue waters but only within a designated place or you would get hit by one of the many long boats and speed boats all vying for a space to park onshore. We didn’t bother swimming, it was quite busy and we didn’t want to get wet just yet. We probably should have because our next stop was just around the corner which was our first swimming stop. We both dived off the front of the speedboat and into the lovely waters. The temperature was perfect. One of the guides told us that this cove had saved many fishermen when the tsunami hit as they were able to shelter here while it completely destroyed Phi Phi.

Next was a snorkelling spot. They gave us a snorkel mask and fins and in we went. I tried and tried but brain was just screaming NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOO, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO in Sarah Conner style, every time I put my face in the water. I was panic breathing and I also kept getting the snorkel under the water which meant a giant lung full of salt water, and that really didn’t help! I eventually got used to it and soon realised snorkelling is BRILLIANT! We both loved it. There were loads of pretty fish everywhere. They kept surrounding me. I think they might have been attracted by the colour of my swim suit. One of them even bit me!

Off we went again to another snorkelling spot, around the back of an island called Bamboo island. Again this was great fun. They were filming us throughout the whole trip including underwater. Me and Rob had spent quite a lot of time sticking our fingers up at each other under the water, all of which was caught on camera. Shame we weren’t willing to pay the £36 they wanted for the ‘documentary’. I had applied factor 50 that morning and assumed it was waterproof. I did reapply but it was half hearted. Oh my, what a mistake that was! We headed to another island for lunch which was set up on the beach. Then we swam some more in the very wavy sea and got battered around a bit. It was like swimming in bath water.

Back on land I could feel I had probably got a little sunburnt. Once back at the hotel we discovered the extent of it. It was bad, really really bad. I could barely move. This is very typical of me. We had planned on going to see the ladyboy show that night and get at least two massages before we left the next day but I couldn’t do any of this. Not only was I in too much pain and could not tolerate being out in the heat for even a minute, but I looked fucking ridiculous! So room service it was. Pad Thai for Rob and a burger for me followed by a few ep’s of Breaking Bad.

Next morning was our last morning in Phuket. In fact we had to head to the airport as soon as we finished breakfast. We decided a private taxi was best, so the hotel arranged one for us. Have you ever played that game ‘Crazy Taxi’? Well we have played a real life version. The man drove like a maniac. I don’t mean he was a bit nuts like most Thai taxi drivers, I mean he was insane! I really didn’t think we would make it. Neither of us tend to bother with seatbelts in the back but Rob put his on and loudly whispered to me to put mine on. I didn’t, even although I genuinely thought we would crash and roll any second, it just wasn’t worth the pain of the belt on my severely burnt skin. To my surprise we made it to the airport, probably in record time.

A half hour delay later and we were on our way to Bangkok. We had had a great last couple of days but I was kinda glad to see the back of Phuket. Our flight home wasn’t until 2am, so we changed airport and left our cases there while we headed into Bangkok to hang around. The delay had scuppered our plans to revisit the Forensic Museum, which we had tried to visit before on the one day it is closed. So we went to Central World, one of the big shopping malls we had missed before. Starving, we headed for the food floor and took a long time to decide on the very cheap steak place. A T-bone steak, chips and a drink each later, we paid out £13!! bill and off we went to the dessert cafe where I had something called Nutella Toast. It was like a large chunk of toast covered in a sweet melted butter and melted Nutella. It was delicious but it was so sweet I couldn’t handle it and all but threw up. We wondered around looking at the huge Christmas decorations and eventually it was time to head back to the airport and check-in for our flight home.

Believe it or not but I am quite a bit of a homebody and I am usually really looking forward to getting home by this point but I was close to crying every time I realised it was home time. The idea of two really long flights didn’t help either. Although we managed to get emergency exit seats on both flights, giving Rob the extra leg room he craves so much.

I thoroughly enjoyed this trip. It was really wonderful. South East Asia will be visited again, soon. Of course the first question I asked Rob when we landed, as always was.......





Where we going next year?


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