Joe Blogs - Last Day in Thailand

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Last day in Thailand (sniff).

A quick word about the language. They have this sound ‘ka’ ( pronounce ‘car’ ) which is said by females, with the male equivalent being ‘krap’ (pronounce ‘crap’). If you put it at the end of sentences, it makes it polite.

So, “thanks” is “cap coon”. “Thank you”, polite version, is “cap coon ka” for women, and “cap coon krap” for men.

It becomes a bit of a ubiquitous sound you hear everywhere, especially in the lilting way the local Thai people say it (bit whiny to our hardened, guttural Western ears).

I’ve not come across a language before where you have the same phrase that is different according to whether you are male or female. (I wonder what ladyboys say?).

Anyway, as you may have gathered, we’ve had a great time here. Really chilled. Paradise on Earth. Sun, sea, and diving sausages. We shall miss it. How to sum it all up ? Perhaps some poetry:

Oh Thailand,
With your ping pong in Patpong
And your crabs in Krabi
Why have we forsaken thee for so long ?

Oh Thailand
With your monkeys and massage
Margaritas and diving sausage ( Ed: pronounce as ‘sosarj’ )
Why have we forsaken thee for so long ?

I don’t know.
Says Thailand.
Was it the heat?
No.
Was it the distance?
No, I don’t think so.
Was it the money?
No, maybe a bit.
Was it the food?
Look, mind your own business.
I’m sorry, I’m just trying to write some poe. . . .
I’m warning you . . .
Wat (shh pardon)?
Why don’t you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut,
Why don’t you take a flying fuck at the moooooooooooooooon!!



Oh dear, I’m sorry. That didn’t end how I expected it to.

Would we come again ?

To Heaven ?

You joking me ?

Sawasdee krap.

(Cue urgent news music)

BBC NEWS . . . . . BRITISH BOWEL CORPORATION STOOL REPORT . . . . . (repeat as ticker tape)

Until recently, both of our botties have had the following signs at their respective entrance (or rather, exit) turnstiles:

CLOSED FOR BUSINESS DUE TO ESSENTIAL MAINTENANCE REPAIRS

More recently, these have been removed and we are starting to see a return to normal service. I can’t say it’s with the same confidence and vigor than when we started the trip, but it’s certainly on the up.

And now the weather . . . .

Postscript:

Had a really nice meal tonight. Moi ordered Bailey's ice-cream for desert and they came to the table and made it there and then using milk, cream, sugar, eggs, choc chips, Baileys and liquid nitrogen !! There they were, stirring a bubbling cauldron of deliciousnous like something out of Hamlet. It was delightful !!!

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