Life's a beach

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We had a huge backpacker versus flashpacker decision to make at (the fantastic) Bangkok airport as to how to get to the island of Koh Tao several hundred miles to the south. Flights were leaving within a few hours to Koh Samui at ninety-odd quid each and, although we didn’t really fancy Koh Samui, it would be a short boat ride to one of the other islands. Plan B was to get a train and taxi to the backpacker area of Bangkok where we could buy a ticket for an overnight bus and boat trip for about a tenner. The female half of our party was particularly keen to fly however I felt that we had been hopping around on too many flights recently and now was the time to get a feel for the area we were travelling through- and we would save over £150!! After a brief discussion, some hair-pulling, eye-gouging and biting, I overpowered Karen with a double-Nelson, gained a submission, then off into Bangkok we headed. A few favourite haunts were revisited and the afternoon passed quickly until we boarded a bus entirely populated by backpackers. Many sported the ‘white-person with dreadlocks and baggy pants’ look which appears very popular in these parts. Despite appearing like they could do with a good scrub, our travelling companions were relaxed and convivial. A good bus with plenty space and several DVDs meant the 6pm-3am trip wasn’t too unpleasant. A group of 12 of us were then dumped at a roadside in the middle of nowhere for about an hour. Eventually a woman with a converted cattle truck picked us up and drove about 30 minutes to the quayside where yet more dreadlocks were waiting. We slept on the concrete dock for a couple of hours before the ferry set sail at 7am. Despite the discomfort, it was beautiful to watch the sunrise over the water and we didn’t feel unsafe due to the sense of community. We would have slept a lot better if it hadn’t been for some particularly noisy French travellers! We conveniently befriended a Mancunian who was a dive instructor on Koh Tao so learnt the dos and don’ts over the 2.5 hour boat trip. He had visited Koh Tao 4 years ago, learnt to dive and never returned to his old job. Mmm, food for thought!!!! (only kidding again parents!!)
Koh Tao was our favourite of the three islands we visited. It was only 21km2 and had two adjacent resorts which were laid-back, relaxed and friendly without being too commercialised or tacky (but did show live world cup rugby). Many bars appeared to have replaced chairs with bean bags or roll-mats. I think this communicates a certain degree of informality and comfort that we found agreeable. We spent 2 nights in each of the two resorts in apartments overlooking the crystal clear blue water and white beaches where we could almost literally jump into the sea from our balconies! When we made the ‘big move’ between the two resorts we realised that the two flats were only about half a mile apart and we could see one from the other! I have found that by strapping a heavy backpack to Karen in the heat and pointing her up a hill whilst cracking the metaphorical whip always ensures that she is in good humour. I feel that, in the absence of her personal trainer, someone has to make sure that she does a little exercise! May efforts are invariably met with kind words and a gentle smile.
Whilst in Koh Tao we hired a little scooter/hairdryer and explored the island for a day. Guidebooks warned that due to the steep hills and the unfinished, rocky, sandy roads, only experienced riders should use motorbikes. Buoyed by our recent successful pillion escapades in Vietnam and by my many years on a silver Striker as a wee boy, this advice was disregarded as off we sped into the distance at the crazy speed of up to 20mph!! Despite small children walking past us, we bravely persevered and found numerous deserted coves and beaches which were explored with our snorkelling gear. Most of these coves (unsurprisingly) did actually have ridiculously steep slopes with sand and rocks aplenty which were a bit tricky. Many of the hills were so steep that the massive 125cc engine wasn’t powerful enough to propel both of us up them. Karen had to dismount and walk up these. I took no pleasure in this and did not make any jokes about her weight. Neither did I suggest that this is a landmark in a relationship when the woman is too heavy to get home on the back of her suitor’s bike. I think my discrete sensitivity was much appreciated. Our relationship and bodies survived the day intact and in good spirits. Snorkelling, chilling on/by the beach, watching rugby and drinking beer filled the remainder of our time and is a common vein that runs through our visits to Thailand’s islands. Sheer hell.
After Koh Tao, we took a ferry to Koh Pha Ngan- a bigger island which was (in)famous for a monthly full moon beach party which attracts over 10,000 revellers for all-night shenanigans. Unfortunately this not-to-be-missed event occurred the week before we hit their shores so had-to-be-missed. We repacked our whistles, amphetamines and glow sticks and headed to the relaxed, opposite end of the island. We headed there with a degree of urgency as England were due to play the mighty Georgians in the mid afternoon. Karen’s humour wore remarkably thin as we struggled to find a suitable venue to view the spectacle- it appears that she is really developing into a rugby fan. Her frustration soon turned to deep inebriation as our quest was successful and we settled down with a like-minded South African couple to watch the Georgian pack marmalise the English. We found a fully air-conditioned beachfront bungalow complete with cable TV, hot showers and a hammock on the porch so shelled out the crazy sum of £15 a night. After beers all afternoon, our new African chums introduced us to buckets of cheap Thai whisky mixed with red bull. We went out for dinner together and have little recollection of anything else. We did make the thirty yards back to our bungalow from the beach after 2 or 3 false starts into other resorts. We have vowed never to drink Thai whisky again. Hangovers and returning sobriety took a day out of our schedule before we ventured back into the world of motorsport. This time the roads were fantastic as we ventured down to the party capital of the island. We found it strangely subdued there with pleasant back-to-back beaches and just the odd smear of fluorescent body paint to hint at what had come before us. On the way there we had a run in with the law and fell foul of them! We were fined £4.50 for not wearing a helmet when it appeared that about 60% of motorcyclists on the island were doing likewise. We had not been informed that this was compulsory and, after gauging the risks versus benefits, had opted for the option of no head gear- I had, after all, managed to hit higher speeds on my silver Striker as an 8-year old! It clearly was a bit of a scam set up by the local constabulary to make a few quid out of the tourists and, had it been a heavier tax, we may have put up a bit more resistance. Instead, we minded our manners and handed over a few quid. Sadly, as I now have a criminal record in Koh Pha Ngan, that is one area that I will not be able to further my medical career!!
As fugitives from the law, we laid low around the 50 metre long pool and made a break for it on the early morning ferry a couple of days later, cunningly disguised as hapless tourists. We decided a ferry-bus-ferry option was most likely to fox the feds so we headed for Koh Phi Phi off the west coast of the Thai peninsula. This island is also very small (has no roads or cars) and relies on little taxi boats to ferry tourists around. The main port was a tad overdeveloped for our liking. All that was missing was kiss-me-quick hats although a charming substitute was a t-shirt with the slogan “ See it, **** it, forget it”. Nice. Blackpool seems archaically quaint all of a sudden! With her rucksack strapped to her back, Karen bravely researched the housing market. A hillside luxury apartment at £28 was too remote whilst a sweaty, scruffy wee flat at £6 was blatantly inappropriate. After drinks stops, we wandered along the coast through a plethora of resorts which were either crap or beyond our budget. Cutting a long story down a little, we ended up sweatily clambering along a rugged coastal pathway, riddled with tree roots and rocks, to the Viking Nature Resort. This was sold in the literature as a eco-friendly tourist haven in quaint, isolated coves overlooking the sea. Sadly, it had far more nature than resort. We were just happy to find a place to lay our now weary backpacks. We spent the night in a glorified tree-basket on stilts with flaps for windows and a cold water hose for a shower. It looked fantastic and was very romantic but even pushed my sense of adventure a little. Karen was stoical as she forced down a chilled beer to relieve her angst and swore at the cold water. The complex was actually very friendly and laid on a free curry tasting in the next cove. The following morning brought more energy and a final push around to Long Beach and the Paradise Pearl resort which truly lived up to its name. Karen basked on the beach and gradually turned chestnut brown. I realised that more than 2 days with no stimulation means that I go nuts. I avoided madness by visiting the adjacent island of Koh Phi Phi Ley - made famous by the Leonardo di Caprio film The Beach in 2000. I suggest looking up youtube.com to view the trailer for this film to get the idea of what we experienced. Truly wonderful and possibly paradise. En route to this island we visited Monkey Beach. As the name suggests, it was a beach with monkeys on it. Cute you would think. One fella on our boat got chased by a really aggressive group of 3 or 4 large male monkeys which ended up with him falling over and him getting a deep gash in his hand. Cue Dr Carson giving a free opinion of “you’d better go to hospital to get stitches, mate” so he never saw the fabled beach and will no doubt have monkey nightmares for many years.
Another early rise and short ferry trip took us back to the mainland and the pleasant, sleepy town of Krabi. Karen had to have her fingers prized from the sun tan lotion in Koh Phi Phi but soon forgot about the beaches when she again became preoccupied with finding another pub to watch England’s titanic clash against Romania. A grumpy frustration soon evaporated as the Chang beer and tries flowed in equally large quantities. A couple of days in Krabi were ample to address a few practical issues (as they had proper shops!) and gave us time to explore the tidal mangrove swamps and caves by kayak. This was a real highlight- a mixture of serene open water, caves (some with prehistoric paintings) and narrow, winding paths through dense foliage- all in beautiful sunny weather with our personal guide. Sadly, the morning went more to plan than the afternoon. We took our place in the local sports bar and sat engrossed as a valiant Scottish team were narrowed outpointed by Argentina. A few bewildered Thai women watched as we reacted to the events on TV but seemed to empathise that it isn’t easy being a Scottish sports fan. It now looks odds-on that we will be watching Argentina play New Zealand in Auckland as a huge victory over England seems somewhat unlikely.
It’s off to Singapore in the morning for 3 days before we get to New Zealand so that I can give the boys a few words of wisdom before the crucial pool B decider. We have absolutely loved Thailand. It probably gets our vote over Vietnam as it is a bit more organised, has tastier food and the people are that bit more smiley! I believe that they are pretty useless at rugby too so I may suggest that the SRU pop in on the way home to help rebuild team morale.

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Photos

Our house - Koh Pha Ngan
David chilling on the porch...