Ko Lanta - beaches, cats and bats

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Ko Lanta

Admittedly my last blog on Phi Phi was a little angry. Long trips to places that aren't fruitful do that to you. Luckily Ko Lanta turned out to be a massive improvement. Well after the first half a day anyway! After docking we took a short stroll from the pier to our beach front room. It was very cheap so I had low expectations. Unfortunately it was awful and not as described. I could go on but in short we got our money back and got out of there faster than a cheetah in a race.

The apartment around the corner was much better. Everything we needed along with an on site pool and gym. Once again no free weights. How am I to make gains? We hired a moped and went exploring, found loads of local shops, restaurants, bars and beaches. The island has two main roads, one on each side. We are to the west. It's super easy to navigate and lots going on. It's more family oriented and the beaches are quieter.

The first night we headed off to a night market which was buzzing. It was massive and smelled amazing with all the food stalls. Had huge amounts of clothing and souvenir stalls. As its Chinese new year, they had a stage set up with live music from the Thai spice rack girls. Unfortunately nobody was watching and we were the only fans. Got a wave though which was cool and depressing. Poor performers. I bought some tank tops and bags and then headed off for a lovely late night head massage. It weren't the head I was expecting. Joke. It was a really well set up place that felt more professional. I had a lady this time which was great, and she didn't try to molest me so I was super happy.

The next day we woke up early, rented a moped and headed off to Ko Lanta animal sanctuary. It's a refuge for dogs and cats across the island. Asia has so many wild dogs and cats, places like this attempt to control the population by sterilizing the animals, as well as treating injured animals from car accidents and helping locals with their pets. With it being an island the inter breeding means the cats tend to have short or no tails, and it's impossible to tell a dogs breed. It's a fantastic place doing really great work, relying on donations and volunteers.

You have the opportunity to adopt from them. They arrange the quarantine, paperwork and even find flight buddies to bring the pet to you. It's very professional. Adoption for animals here is rare. Cats are fed by the locals but most animals are wild. Most healthy animals will go back on the streets so it's nice if people adopt. It was hard for me not to say yes. Some beautiful animals. Really enjoyed the visit and spending time with the kittens. You can even walk a dog for them. It's really a great place.

Later that day we headed to an Irish bar and caught Saturdays football, whilst having a lovely dinner. Lots of expats and tourists here. It was very nice. Ko Lanta is much more family geared, hence good quality food and more relaxed tourists. I'm not too keen on street food. Any sort of meal on a stick doesn't really make sense to me. You know what is on sticks? Leaves. And ya don't eat them do ya?

We had to change hotel rooms the next day as we were booking day to day. We liked the place. No big deal. The staff are very helpful. Today was finally a proper beach day. Off to Long Beach. Beautiful scenery and very quiet. I did lots of swimming in the sea and soaked up the rays. Inevitably, I ended up hiding in a tree in the shade with my tablet. The heat kills me. Was a very relaxing day with a nice lunch on the beach. As we left the animal sanctuary had brought some kittens to the park area to attempt to get tourists to be aware of the organization or adopt. Ended up being there a while because who doesn't love kittens?

After freshening up we had some lovely food at another local bar, played some pool and I got to watch seven different F.A cup games. Don't you love television abroad? You get over a lot of the cultural differences here quite easily, like being hassled a lot and the tuk tuk drivers trying to get you in their vehicles. One thing though continues to grind my gears. When you are eating, the second you finish a drink or meal, they take your plate. I mean I'm still chewing and it's gone. Also, when you get the cheque, they stand next to you and wait for you to pay it. Now I'm the kinda guy that wants to figure out what tip to leave, drop it on the table and go. Nope. Here you're going to feel awkward. They don't mean it, it's their way, the annoying little fuckers.

Activity day next. We set off down to the south of the island and went to Khao Mai Kaew cave. After turning off the main road and heading down a dirt road through the forest, we arrived at a mud hut. From there a guide took us on a 30 minute trek up hills, large steps, climbing all through the jungle. Eventually we made it to the cave entrance. This place was awesome. Crawling through tunnels, seeing the limestone, negotiating old rickety bridges, hanging off ropes, all with our head torches on for guidance. The cave housed huge spiders, lots of insects and best of all bats! We saw them flying around whilst I made every Batman reference I could think of. A cool moment was when we turned off our lights, it was so incredibly dark and peaceful. It was amazeballs. I wanted to get naked so when the group turned their lights on they'd get a view of the amazing beast between my legs.

After the trek and drive back to the main forest, we headed further down the island to take in the sunset at bamboo bay. The west of the island had perfect views and seeing the sun disappear into the water was almost sexual. We headed back to the hotel, where we were so tired we managed to scrape together enough energy to eat a pizza before dying.

Our last day in Ko Lanta was more of a relaxing day by the pool, and me of course in the air conditioned room watching the Royal Rumble. Very disappointing, we won't go into that. We then headed out to the markets again and for some dinner. I managed to really upset a local. She had these sculptured wooden ornaments. One was painted like Captain America but in the shape of a cat. I had to have it. She wanted 750 bhat. They always say here 'you price' and then shove a calculator in your face. So I shoved it straight back and was like 'you tell me bitch!' She offered 600. I took 500 out and put it on the table and she said no, so I walked away with it in my hand like a little fishing rod, and she kept getting lower and lower until I was outside the shop. At this point she bent over and begged for the 500. I was like, 'now we can do business.' She's still making money and I'm happy with the price. I sound harsh but let me tell you, the mark up here is huge, likely as its for families. The same items were a quarter of the price in Bangkok. It soon adds up when ya start thinking it's only an extra few quid here and there. I had a situation when I tried to knock 50 bhat off a pair of shorts, she started pleading poverty saying she can't afford to live. She had a Samsung s7 in her hand and before I came in the shop she was watching programmes on an iPad. Not to mention she's running an indoor market business. I've got a mortgage to pay love, it's all relative. Basically whatever price they sell it for they are making money, or basically they'll tell ya to piss off.

Anyway, after mugging the locals I headed off for a lovely full Thai massage. This was a nicer experience than my last one, but the mannerisms here are baffling. So they want ya naked first of all. Then they climb onto the table and beat the crap out of you until you feel like you've been massaged. This lady actually put all of her weight on my dick, I swear to God I thought I had a vagina. Must be how they create ladyboys over here. Completely unintentional, just go in for a massage, walk out a ladyboy. I'm being mean, it was a nice massage. Due to the fact she missed my chest, which is my biggest body part, I used her tip to buy street food and I fed it to the cats outside on the street. They were so cute.

The next day was exit day day. I really liked Ko Lanta. It has the right mix of beaches, relaxing, adventure, food and shops. Everyone is really friendly. Everything is accessible via moped. It's easy. It's slower paced but comes to life at night, but not in the get smashed backpacker kind of way. I would definitely come here again. Now I'm on a ferry to Krabi where we can do more of the water activities. Should be good fun. With our 30 day Thailand visa coming up soon we are looking at where to go next. We've decided to structure it more and book in advance. I don't really like the not knowing what's happening and searching TripAdvisor every few days. It's tiresome. We've booked Hong Kong for later in the month and are looking at maybe going to Bali. Having an awesome time in Thailand, it really does have everything. I already know I would come here again, if anything, just to screw the locals for more toot.

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