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Published: December 6th 2009
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We spent a significant part of our time in Thailand in Ao Chalong because this is where our Thai friends stay and because it is just a nice town with everything you need.
As well as our local friends, my dad has a Scottish friend who lives in Ao Chalong and we caught up with him a few nights. This Scottish friend is a bit of a gourmand whereas my dad judges the merit of a place based on cost (with the quality being in direct and inverse proportion to the cost - meaning the cheapest is always the best). Therefore, when my dad declared he would not be going to the new "farang" supermarket as it was too expensive, Scottish friend's only complaint with the store was the lack of choice of truffles on offer.
We had a few meals out with Dad's Scottish friend and afterwards went for drinks to some of the local bars. Scottish friend was married for a short time to a Thai lady and it didnt work out well and this has left him quite reticient when talking to locals. In the bars he came up with an alter-ego - John, the Yellow-man, who was leaving town tomorrow never to return. I think Helmut or Friedrich may have been more convincing a name for this particular persona but, nonetheless, he wasn't questioned.
Ao Chalong has a streetfull of small bars, some with only 2 or 3 tables. Each bar has an owner (usually a lady) and lots of other girls acting as waitresses, barmaids and just generally chatting to customers. I don't think that the staff actually get paid for being there - the only way they get paid is if a customer buys them a drink when they get half the price of the drink for themselves. Dad and I bought a few drinks for a less than attractive lady of advancing years with an alarming taste in make-up - it would be a tough living being an old Thai bar "girl".
When we are out, Dad always tries to practise some Thai - with variable results. Generally, the Thai people we speak to find it very funny that we are using (almost definitely badly pronounced) Thai vocabulary although some just refuse to entertain it ("Just speak English you silly farangs"). One very kind lady in a restaurant was more taken with our efforts in the language, however, and told us our Thai was "perfect, perfect - just like a dictionary!"
And Thai isn't the only language we have had cause to practise. One particular night in Ao Chalong we got talking to a German (Yellow man). My German is pretty good (if I do say so myself) whilst Dad does not allow his fluency to be hampered by undue regard for grammatical accuracy. As his confidence in the language increases in direct proportion to the amount of alcohol consumed (whilst his actual linguistic abilities operate in inverse proportion), a few beers down and he was speaking gibberish with complete assurance. In fact, he got so carried away with his German that he started speaking to the Thai people we met in an exotic jumble of (very poor) Thai, (pretty poor) German and (not too great) English. It can be hard for a master linguist to make himself understand.
The majority of Thai people are Buddhist and take their religion very seriously. After we left, Poie was going on an 8-day pilgrimage to see Buddha and promised to write my name on a stone for good luck. I queried whether Buddha might object to bringing me luck, given I am not Buddhist, but was assured that Buddha doesn't discriminate in that way. Tip and another friend, Pie, also went for 3 days to "make Buddha". Pie was going to Buddha to ask him to help her get over a broken heart after her 'yellow man" boyfriend had dumped her for "not being sexy enough". As the yellow-man in question was far from an attractive specimen himself, this was definitely a case of the pot calling the kettle black (or rather the soot-covered pot calling the ivory teapot the same colour) but I am sure Buddha will have set things to rights. Whilst "making Buddha" Tip and Pie had to wear all white, abstain from alcohol and (somewhat less specifically) keep a "good heart".
Thai people place a lot of emphasise on having a good heart and Poie even claimed she can tell whether someone has a good heart just by looking into their eyes. She tried this trick on me and thankfully pronounced that I was confirmed to be of good heart. I say thankfully as Poie is not one to mince her words and did not hesitate to tell me that I was "twice the size of most Thai ladies", which, whilst indisputably factually accurate, is not particularly flattering.
Meanwhile, my dad's vanity was also slightly hurt when, notwithstanding his self-verified (and frequently mentioned) "dramatic weightloss", he was still being described as "Pum Pui" (fat belly). Additionally, he had to ask 4 different hairdressers before anyone would agree to cut his hair - the others, quite reasonably, assuming that someone with so little would want to hang on to what he had. Even more damaging to his pride was the fact that nearly every Thai lady called him "Papa" even those who appear to be of an age themselves to be grandmothers several times over (I say "appear" as Thai ladies are even more circumspect about their age than women in the UK. Noone seems to get beyond the age of 50 and ladies who told my parents they were 42 when they first met 4 years ago are miraculously still the same age today).
Before leaving Ao Chalong Wilaiwan made us breakfast and we were given a bundle of presents by Wilaiwan including a whole range of knitwear made by Poie (I can't think how she gets a market for woollens in Thailand, but she does). We took a whole host of photos some of which I will put up when I get home. "I don't look so beautiful on camera as I do in real life!" bemoaned Poie. Personally I thought that (for someone who is twice the size of a Thai woman) I looked quite nice. It must be my "good heart" shining through....
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