Gilbys The All Purpose Cure to the Travelers Jet Lag

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So I made it to Thailand in one piece. After a 31-hour flight in which I literally slept for five minutes, I felt as though I might have eaten a handful of mushrooms (not that I know what that’s like) once I departed the airport and made my way into Chiang Mai. I mean, isn’t Nyquil supposed to knock you out on a long flight? Aren’t 8 glasses of red wine supposed to knock you out like a sedative dart to a rhinos neck? These questions turned out a different answer than I was always taught, and led me to make my first questionable decision of many for this fine day. Clearly a language barrier led my cabbie to believe I was staying at the Chantana resort instead of the Sinthana resort. However, I was so absolutely tired, confused, and a little hungover, that I couldn’t read the sign and walked into the resort like I owned the place. I babbled a few broken sentences to the receptionist who then informed me of the 100 dollar a night fee. Trying to avoid crumbling to the ground upon hearing this revelation, I made an attempt at some humor asking if a beamer came with the room. For a country that boasts itself as “the land of smiles” her face remained unwaveringly straight as she took my credit card and handed me a room key. What is this, a lobby or an oil painting (comical drum beat)?
Okay, so I can live with the price for a night I figured. I made my way up the elevator and into my “suite.” The room was nice and had a great view of the mountain (Ill get the name of that later) that overlooks Chiang Mai. I tipped the bellhop a healthy 20 bahts (I am such a cheap bastard) and collapsed onto my king sized bed.
Six hours later, I woke up and called my friend Barnabus who lived in Chiang Mai. Okay, his real name isn’t Barnabus but I haven’t yet received clearance to use his real name. In fact, maybe I will even continue to use the pseudonym of “Barnabus” for him even after I get clearance. Barnabus…. What a strong name. Anyways, after calling him I took a much-needed shower before he came to pick me up. Barnabus (hehe I cant help giggling every time I say that name) got me from my hotel and I jumped onto his motorbike. We peeled out of the parking garage as I was taken on a biking tour of Chiang Mai at night.
Chiang Mai truly is a beautiful city. Very unlike the metropolitan center that is Bangkok to the south, the city preserves quite a bit of rural themes throughout the streets. There seems to be a lot more parks and trees in this city, and not nearly as much pollution or high rise skyscrapers as Bangkok. The whole time, the mountain lures over the population casting its shadow upon the tourists, shopkeepers, and tuk-tuk drivers as they go about their business. The center of the city retains an architectural achievement from its ancient history; an item which I one day hope to show off on my own estate. Of course I am referring to a castle moat. I mean how cool would it be to have a moat surrounding you? Screw you Brinks Home Security, if that creepy guy from the commercial tries to break into my house, my alligator will take you down! So, the moat surrounds what was once a castle and is now the center for backpackers from around the globe. It also is the home to a great many bars, but Ill save that part for later.
It was then time for something I hadn’t had in far too long, food. If there is one thing Chiang Mai has a lot of, it is just that. Delicious curry’s, succulent fried chicken, and heaping servings of sticky rice (great drunk food I might add) make up this cities signature dishes. Barnabus and I sat and had (at his recommendation) Cow Soi, a bowl of red curry, coconut milk, fried noodles and chicken. This immediately overtook Cashew Chicken as my new favorite Thai cuisine. The spicy flavors, rich, creamy liquids, and perfectly cooked meat cured my hunger and prepared my stomach for what always enters into it on a Friday night… beer, and lot’s of it. I was reintroduced to my favorite Thai beer “Chang” and gulped down a few glasses while catching up with Barnabus and his Thai girlfriend. He’s somewhat of a P.I.M.P., I mean with a name like Barnabus, what girl wouldn’t want to jump up all over this American hero?
We then all proceeded to one of their favorite bars, Nine Lives, a little further into the city. This small, quaint bar was located down a semi-private alleyway/road and gave us the opportunity to sit with some locals in peace, separated from the touristic, rowdy westerners (like myself). I made a few friends, all of which were Thais from the city, and had a good time drinking and talking with them. Though I am sure a lot of the conversation was totally lost in translation, it was a good time.
“Would anyone like a drink?,” I was constantly questioned by the bar maids. “You know what,” I consistently responded, “I would love a gin and tonic.” Now I know what your thinking, this kid is spending 100 dollars a night on a hotel, hes out where the adult beverages are a bit cheaper, he must be ready to Tanqueray. However, you would be wrong. Whilst traveling though Thailand with a massive case of jet lag, it is my professional opinion that one leave the top shelf when seeking out a flavorful, rich brand of gin. Look down on the shelf, I mean all the way down and there you will find it. In all of its wonder, peaking between the Dark Blue label behind the plastic bottle, dwells the nector of the god’s… Gilby’s Gin. Fit for a king, yet affordable for a pauper, Gilby’s Gin and I have a long loving history with one another. What better way to reintroduce myself to the Thai lifestyle then to spend a night with Professor Gilby (I call him Professor because he has taught me O so much).
Not long after, as it usually does with me, it all goes black. So, we come to this morning. One would imagine that having a 100-dollar room, a pimp suite, and a soft, warm king sized bed that I would choose to sleep in it. However, it appears that in my drunken stupor, I disagreed with that statement as I awoke with a throbbing head at 8am, huddled in a lounge chair by the pool. I missed my bed by about 30 feet and 6 floors. I crept out of the chair and made my walk of shame up to my room through a lobby of giggling Thai girls, what a life I lead.
What I do remember about my night I can only tell you is that it was fun. Wild nightclubs, reggae bars, live bands, and massive groups of tourists are among the many lively sights and experiences that go hand in hand with a night out in Chiang Mai. I am very excited to explore more of the city, meet new people, and drink more Gilby’s in the short month that I live here. I hope to be able to report back many more exciting stories of wild night, sightseeing days, and delicious food while I am here. Carpe Vita!

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