Hard Goodbyes and Traveling to the US

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I’m going to write about both of these days in the same journal entry since they meshed together. Traveling makes multiple days feel like just one super long day. Thursday was the day we officially left Thailand. I had been dreading Thursday night all week long. I tried to remind myself to enjoy every minute of my time in Thailand and to not focus on the fact that i was leaving. Thursday we went to the walking street by Nakornping hospital. I bought some last minute elephant pants, some rice cakes for the plane ride, and some watermelon. I wanted to eat as much fruit as i could before leaving. In the afternoon we had our program evaluation, which was okay. I felt like the people who were talking were focusing on the negatives and not really the positives. I wanted the staff to know what we really appreciated and enjoyed and not just what they could improve on. Hopefully the staff realized just how much we truly enjoyed our experience. The rest of the day was used to pack and relax. A few of us girls bought our last Thai iced teas at the school cafe. I was going to buy an iced cocoa, but i figured i could get one back in the states. Fast forward to Thursday night: After packing everybody started bringing their bags down to be loaded onto the bus. As i was bringing my bags down i realized i didn’t have my passport out. I had moved my passport that morning, but couldn’t remember where i had put it. After looking in all of my bags and not finding it, i started to get stressed and panic. Luckily my roommates all jumped in and helped me search for it. After saying some prayers I found it in the inside pocket of my one suitcase. Thank you Lord for helping me find it. As time got closer to having to say goodbye i could feel my emotions stirring. I secretly hoped that i would cry just so i could get my emotions out. Im not a big crier, especially in public, so i wondered how i would handle this situation. Oil met me at my apartment and gave me a hand written letter. Although her sentences where written in broken english, i understood each one. My heart was touched by what she had said, and by the fact that she wrote in english. I gave her a big hug and noticed that she had started to cry. That was not the last time she cried on Thursday night. Nu met up with us and we all walked down to load the bus for the airport. I didn’t want to get on the bus because that meant that i was leaving. The ride to the airport was bittersweet. I gave Nu and Oil friendship bracelets that i had made for them. They taught me how to say “I miss you” in Thai, which i still cant say correctly. I took a video of them saying it so i could remember it, and so i could replay their voices once i left. I was emotionally okay until i saw the actual airport. It was like reality had smacked me in the face. Suddenly tears were rolling down my face, and i couldn’t get them to stop. This cry was different from any I’ve ever experienced before. My face wasn’t cringing, and my lips weren’t pursed. It wasn’t an ugly cry, if you know what i mean. My eyes were just releasing all of my built up emotions. My buddies saw me crying and started trying to comfort me. Oil started to cry a little, but she tried her best to hide it. Nu kept looking at me and saying “Don’t cry sis mon ta. smile, smile”. Of course i tried my best to smile, but tears kept coming. Emie came over and gave me a hug, and told me not to be sad. Finally i got myself together, and went through security. Oil and Nu helped me check my bags in and exchange my money back to US dollars. After taking some photos, it was time to say goodbye. I looked at my buddies and they both embraced me. Thats when the tears started all over again, but this time all three of us were crying. I had never seen Nu cry, so i was surprised that he had started crying too. Oil couldn’t keep herself together and neither could i! Even though we were both crying she kept trying to tell me to “smile”. Thai’s and their “face”. I will never quite understand it. As i hugged Oil, i told her, “its okay to cry. we are sad. its okay”, which only made her cry more. I swear we hugged each other probably 20 times before i had the courage to actually say goodbye. Nu kept saying “forget me not”, and all i could say was “no never. I will never forget you”. Other buddies started coming over and hugging me goodbye too. I decided not to say “goodbye” to them but instead to say “until we meet again”. When it was time to part ways I hugged Nu and Oil individually. Oil whispered in my ear “thank you” as we hugged, and i started crying even harder. Why was she thanking me? What had i ever done to deserve her thanks? I was supposed to be thanking her for her generosity, kindness, love, and sacrifice. I finally pulled myself away from them and stepped onto the escalator with Melissa. We looked at each other and started hard core crying. This time it was the ugly cry. The cry you do when you’re really sad and cant hold it in anymore. We looked back at all our buddies standing at the bottom of the escalator waving at us, smiling through their tears. All i could do was cry and say “that was one of the toughest things I’ve had to do in a long time”. I didn’t expect to get so emotional over saying goodbye. Within 30 minutes after saying goodbye our buddies were all face timing us! They missed us already and wanted to make sure we were okay. My heart!





Fast forward to plane trip #1, which was a little over 4 hours. I had a lot of anxiety during this fight. I feel so blessed to have had Mary sitting next to me. She comforted me and held my hand when i started to freak out. I don’t know why i was so anxious. I hate flying but i hadn’t freaked out that much on the other flights. Maybe it was just built up emotions. I was so relieved when we finally landed in South Korea. We had a few hours there until our next flight boarded. As the time drew near to board our next flight I started feeling emotional again. I couldn’t hold it in anymore and i broke down (yet again). I was frustrated with myself because i couldn’t control my feelings. I had anxiety about the next flight, i missed my buddies, i didn’t feel prepared to go back to the states, and i was extremely tired. My stomach was in knots; the smell of food was making me nauseous. Obviously that wasn’t helping because i couldn’t eat to regain my strength. I was also dehydrated because i had cried a lot and i was too nauseous to drink. My best friend Karalyn called me and we talked for a half hour, which really helped me calm down. I finally got myself together and was able to drink some smoothie. This flight went a little bit better than the last one. The first 6 hours was on and off turbulence which i didn’t like. Luckily Mary was next to me again, and she checked in on me when the ride started getting bumpy. I probably thanked her 20 times before the flight was over. Nobody was sitting next to Mary and me, so we had 2 people in a three person row. We used that to our advantage and took turns laying down on the extra seat when the seatbelt light wasn’t on. Since i had stayed awake during the first flight i was able to sleep on the second flight. I slept on and off throughout it, which helped my anxiety and passed the time. 13 hours later we landed in the States. What a whirlwind trip home. After 3 weeks i was reunited with my family, and we made our 2.5hr car drive home.

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