Same Same, But Different

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Anyone who's ever been to Thailand will be familiar with this saying; "Same same...but different" - everyone from my host family, to the guys selling ping pong shows on the street; "Same same but different" can mean anything from "So similar it's almost the same" to "You couldn't get more different if you tried."

So I've boarded the train up to Chiang Mai (had to get a day train as the night sleeper train was full) and after a 13 hour journey I arrive around 10pm. I grab a sangtheaw (a kind of share taxi thing, an open truck with a bench down either side. You ask the driver if he's going in your direction, and if so hop in... If not you wait for another) and a few of us jump in and head for the old city. We pull up 10minutes later in a busy-ish area with guesthouses, cafes and bars around and it seems like as good a place as any so I jump out, pay the man and pick a cute looking wooden guesthouse called "Julies"... They have no rooms, so I walk next door to JJs - they have rooms, pretty clean ones in fact, so after I take a look and negotiate a cheaper rate, the room's mine for 2 nights.

The next morning I take a stroll around town - the air is fresh (a refreshing change after the heat of the south) and the coffee shops are plentiful. I'm literally spoilt for choice for breakfast and, after having 6 weeks of eggs & bread for breakfast, I dont think anyone has ever been as excited about seeing porridge, museli & wholemeal toast on a menu as I am right now!! I turn another corner and there's a french bakery with fresh croissants! This just gets better!

I realise I talk about food an awful lot but it's a big part of travelling for me... If I ever publish this blog as a book I have been thinking of possible titles... So if Elizabeth Gilbert wrote "Eat Pray Love" and Michael Booth wrote "Eat Pray Eat".... Mine could surely be "Eat Eat Eat"?? I think it's kinda catchy...

Anyway, after my wandering I decide to book a trek for the next 3 days, up into the mountains. All the agencies have pretty much the same (same same) itinery, which makes it harder to make a decision on one. I'm finding that travelling on my own, although liberating, is making my already poor inability to make a decision even worse... I mean it's ridiculous... I've gone from making pretty important decisions at work worth thousands of pounds, and now the biggest decision I have to make is what bar do I have a drink in? What shall I have for dinner Tom Yum or Kao Soi? It's insane!! But my main concern when booking this trek is that if I'm going to spend 3 days with a group of people I need to make sure they're not a bunch of old Russian couples or something... One I could deal with but just to meet some people like myself would be best. So I choose the one that looks least likely to appeal to old Russian couples and whoop with delight when the next day I climb into the Jeep and meet an English couple, Joanna & Adrian (who is dressed head to toe in Next) and a Brummy girl Jo, who's travelling alone too. We all hit it off straight away and drive off for our trek. First stop, an orchid farm. Pretty flowers but a bit boring... Next stop a snake farm... Hang on a minute, I think, this isn't what I signed up for... No one said anything about snakes!!... Next stop, long necked women... Again, I ve not been told about this!... And after chatting with the others I realise they are all doing 2 days, 1 night. Surely I'm on the wrong tour!? I ask our guide (who calls himself Mr Whisky) and he assures me it's fine "because tomorrow you have new group" he says... "Same same but different". Great, so I spend one day and night with one group, then move to another... But there's no point in complaining. This is Thailand. So I just get on with it and let what happens happen.

I will just add at this stage that as much as I didn't want to see the long necked women, since the van was parked up and the others got out, curiosity got the better of me so I went along... And I have to say it's surely an illusion! I tried a ready made ring collar on (which you tied at the back) and it even made my short neck look long... I count 15 rings... I count the rings on the "long necked" lady's actual neck (and not the extra 10 that sit below as more of a necklace) and she only had 14! I'm sure there are proper longer necked women out there somewhere but this particular "traditional village" doesn't seem quite so authentic to me. Apparently they only take the rings off once a year to then add another one, but I can imagine as soon as we leave, they take them off and say "thank fuck for that" and put their feet up and watch Sky telly...

So finally after lunch we start trekking into the mountains, along stunning rivers and beautiful scenery. It's a tropical jungle that's worlds away from the city. Our guide, Mr Whisky, leads the way in his flip flops, shorts & vest, safari hat and the most important accessory of all - his knife. I think he fancies himself as a bit of a Jack Sparrow. Chopping away at the underbush, he makes us all walking sticks out of bamboo, which help with the steep climb. He speeds ahead so the pace is pretty quick.. I'm sweating like mad in the heat as we climb higher & higher and it's bloody hard work! I was expecting this gentle pace, taking in the scenery and taking our time but this is hardcore! I think to myself "why do i do it?"... I trick myself into thinking "yeah I love trekking" because I love the mountains and I love the scenery, but when I'm actually doing it, soaked in sweat, legs killing, knees start to go cos im scared of the height, bugs in my hair etc etc - I hate it! But then we reach the top of the mountain and it's all worth it! An incredible view & a cold beer await us at the top.

We're staying in a hill tribe village for the night and are shown to our room which is a bamboo hut on stilts with 10 matresses with pillows & blankets - humble but cosy and we all collapse down for a rest. No sooner than we do, the women from the village have descended upon us... "massage massage" they say collectively as all 8 of them hurry into the room. Now after my last experience, I decide to refuse as I want my next Thai massage to be a bloody good one and something tells me this won't be. The others all opt in though and we're all laughing as each of them have 2 women massaging them at the same time. But nobody laughs as much as I do when I realise that one lady who is massaging Jo, who also has a baby in a papoose is actually breastfeeding while doing the massage!! I know they say that women can multi-task but surely this is taking it a bit far!!

So after taking a nice cold shower in a bamboo hut (exactly as they do on Carry on up the Jungle) we settle down on the decking for our traditional Thai village dinner and watch the sunset. Then out of nowhere, about 20 hill tribe children start a chorus of songs, all pushing & giggling with each other, then of course come round for money.

We settle down with a few beers and stare up at the stars - I've never seen so many!! It's truly magical! Mr Whisky gets out his guitar, strums a few tunes, and as he sits smoking his cigarette he asks "Why none of you smoke?" to which the replies are "don't like it, it's expensive, it's bad for you" etc etc... "Why do you smoke?" Jo asks him, to which he replies "to support government tax"... Possibly the best (or worse) reason I ever heard. He sits there carving more things out of bamboo, including a catapult and a bong pipe, and then gives me a tiny marble Buddha that he's found on the ground. "You should carry it for luck" he says, so I thank him and take it, adding it to my other lucky charms of the lump of coal from my Dad & the guardian angel from Polly (thanks guys I still have them!)

The next day I meet my new group; A french family of 5, a Dutch guy named Simon and 2 Ozzy sisters Jana & Helen. We all set off for more trekking, but this time it's downhill and it's a bit skiddy. I decide my Converse might not be up to the job, so for the first time since I bought them, the butchos lesbos trekking sandals have their premier outing...And I have to say that day they became my new best friend! Jana & Helen in their cute pumps were sliding all over, even the young lads in their trainers had a few slips but me... No I was steady as a rock! And after swimming in a few waterfalls & dodging the occasional snake we end up at our second night's accomodation in a similar bamboo style hut.

The next morning I feel like I've been hit by a train. My legs will hardly move, my body is aching and I feel hungover even though I've not been drinking! Thankfully there's not much trekking today, as I start out with what I expect to be a relaxing elephant ride along the babbling riverside. However I'm on my own this morning as, because they messed up the whole group thing, the others did the elephant ride on the first day. But I think, it will still be nice. So I get on the elephant, on this tiny iron seat and set off down the river bank... The path gets steep - I mean really steep.. So steep that I have to push with all my strength to stop from flying out my seat, over the top of the elephant and down the cliff! I'm scared, I mean really fucking scared at this point! I'm not having fun and I'm certainly not relaxed!!... And I'll be completely honest (because I want this blog to be real and not just about what a great time I'm having) but I thought to myself "Its valentines day, I'm on the back of an elephant, on my own, in fear of my life, I'm hot, I feel sick and I could really do with a hug from my Mum & Dad!" so yes I did get a bit upset at this point! Not to mention many a swear word spilling out of my mouth at this poor elephant! Thank god when it ended! Then, after my nerves are already shot, it's time for White water rafting. I've not done this before and I'm feeling pretty shit, so I nearly bail out but I meet the rest of the group again, which perks me up and I think, sod it how hard can it be? And actually I love it! We have a wicked time and before I know it we're back in the truck driving back to Chiang Mai, feeling bruised & battered but happy. One minute you're down, the next you're right back up again.

I arrive back to my guesthouse and meet Marta, an American girl I made friends with before I left for the trek. "How was it?" she asks "Can I practice a massage on you?". This is like music to my ears! I can barely walk by this point and Marta is currently doing a 2 week Thai massage course and is desperate to practice on someone... We arrange to meet later but in the end I'm so ill I can't even make it downstairs!

I decide I need a few days to chill (please don't laugh, I realise I am on one big holiday, but I'm aching!) and I've heard that the Northern town of Pai is the perfect place to do it. So many travellers I've met have told me about this place and it sounds lush, so I have an early night and pack up my things for my next (hopefully less strenuous) adventure.



Xx

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