Welcome to Lie-Land

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Phuket

After reluctantly leaving Phi Phi we took the boat to Phuket, one of Thailands biggest resorts. From the port we got a taxi to Karon Beach which sounded quieter than neighbouring Patong. We soon realised we should've either stayed where we were a few more days or headed straight to Bangkok! The only positive things about Phuket was the mini-bar in the hotel which was both ridiculously well stocked and ridiculously cheap & the food was fantastic, if you looked hard enough to find a local place. Other than that Phuket can only be described as Blackpool with sun for Scandinavians. There were Norwegian restaurants everywhere - I'd try my best not to eat Norwegian food if I was in Norway and I think most Norwegian's would say the same. We hired a car for 2 days and drove off in search of some charm but still didn't find any.
There was a Gibbon Sanctuary that was ok where we got to grass up people we'd seen parading Gibbons on the beach at Ao Nang and Ko Phi Phi as, apparently, keeping them domestically is no good for them and they turn aggressive & dangerous at around the age of 8 (sounds like kids in England).

Bangkok

Thailand is known as the "Land of Smiles", the "Land of Lies" would be more fitting.
For 5 days we were constantly lied to by people for no apparent reason - eg, on the way to the Grand Palace I had shorts on (you need to cover your legs in there) and we were stopped & told you couldn't hire trousers inside (you could) and, in any case, it was closed (it wasn't). Obviously this person had another agenda and he was going to offer us an alternative, but he never did (???). There was no "let me take you here instead" or anything. He just lied to us for the sake of it. After leaving the Grand Palace we were looking at a Buddha statue and a young lad started chatting to us. After a while he told us (unprompted) that there was free Thai boxing at the National Stadium that night as today was a Buddhist Holiday. Great, we were going to pay to watch Thai Boxing that night anyway. These being only 2 examples of a constant barrage of bollocks we'd reached a stage now where we'd double and triple check anything we were told, no matter how trivial, and after asking several other people we established it wasn't a Buddhist Holiday at all and there was definitely no free Thai Boxing on! Or was there????? Who knows.

As annoying as this was the biggest shame of it was that in instances that people did genuinely try to help you (which also happened a lot) you'd immediately be suspicious & dismissive of them then feel guilty after when you realised your mistake.

Anyway, enough moaning as it wasn't all bad.

Khao San Road & it's surrounding area is famously where most travellers & tourists eat, drink & stay (mainly drink) in Bangkok and we stayed in a parallel road at the Star Dome Inn for £9 a night including breakfast.

Khao San Rd itself is lined with bars, restaurants, clothes shops & street stalls. There is a bit of a buzz about the place but, i'd imagine, not to the extent there would have been a few years ago. Once solely the preserve of the "real" traveller it's now a bizarre mix of backpackers, flashpackers, families, tour groups, middle aged sex tourists, groups of lads on holiday/stag do's & posh kids in their "year out" (have they had a year in yet?). Add to this a huge variety of nationalities and it should make for a great experience. It does - to an extent - but you can't help but wish you'd been here maybe 20 years ago when it was less well known.

Avoid Shamrock Irish Bar here (if you don't already avoid Irish bars anyway).
On the night of the Holland v Italy game we sat down just before kick off and I ordered a large bottle of beer. The waiter poured it straight into 3 paper cups which as I was about to drink from one I noticed smelled. On closer inspection 2 of them were lined with dirt at the top. Naturally, I showed the waiter and asked him for a replacement. After a few minutes of his previously perfect English deserting him (this is what a lot of Thai's do when they run out of lies to tell) I had to explain to the manager who I thought was going to get another drink brought over only for another waiter to come over asking us to pay the bill and leave!

Most other bars were great and mainly dirt cheap. We found the food better from the stalls on Khao San Rd than we did the bars.

On our first night we got a tuk tuk to the Patpong Night Market. Patpong used to be Bangkoks red light district where American GI's used to come during time off in the Vietnam War. Prostitution must now be more discreet than it used to be as we didn't notice any, however, every few steps someone stops you to offer to take you to a "Ping Pong Show" (if you can't work out what it is I'm not telling you). Always after the full cultural experience wherever we go we went to one. The place was a bit seedy and the "players" (?) a bit ropey.

The following day we took an organised trip to the floating market, the Tiger Temple and the Bridge on the River Kwai.

At the floating market the stalls are all boats mainly selling food. They either stop at the river/canal side or for people in other boats. Not a lot else to say but worth a look - nice noodle soup.

The Tiger Temple is run by Buddhist monks and you can stroke and have your picture taken with half asleep and, therefore, placid tigers. The literature here claims the tigers aren't drugged but we weren't so sure. Normal photo's with the tigers are free of charge or you can pay about £18 to have a "special" photo take where you're lay down with or cuddling the tiger.

From here we went to Kanchanaburi to see the Bridge on the River Kwai. Here they have a museum and you can walk across the working iron bridge and to the end of the unfinished first wooden bridge. It was strange being somewhere so far from home where so many Brits had died. The info was a bit lacking if you didn't already know hat had happened here.

Next day was when we went to the Grand Palace which was where Thai/Siamese Kings used to live (the current King only uses it for ceremonial occassions now). After this we had a delicious meal - i had pork curry & Rachael Pad Thai (which she was now eating at least twice most days) - at a streetside place near the hotel just before the monsoon struck. Within minutes the water was nearly upto peoples knees. After trying to sit it out for an hour or so we had to wade home aswell.

Aswell as this we visited Bangkoks biggest market which was no good as it was too big (the food stalls were good though) and spent most of our last day in a huge shopping mall which was very good. not to mention very air conditioned (it was way too hot outside).

Massage places are everywhere and cost about £3 for an hour but I only went once. You realise how lazy you've got when you can't be bothered to go for a massage!

Our bus for Siem Reap, Cambodia left the following morning. It was supposed to leave at 8 but eventually left at 10ish. By this point to top off our Lie-Land experience we'd realised we were on the infamous "Scam Bus" where they make your journey as long and uncomfortable as possible so as you arrive in Siem Reap as late and as tired as can be & check straight into the hotel they drop you in front of (their own hotel).

When we eventually left Bangkok the bus was way overbooked and people, backpacks & suitcases filled the aisles. Most of the people on the bus were making a monthly journey to renew their Thai visa. Because Thailand only issues 30 day visas, every month they have to pay around £20 to cross into Cambodia then immediately come straight back across to get another month in Thailand. Several people had been here months, a couple for years, and there's no way around it. These regulars weren't too happy at having been put on this particular bus! Around 4 hot & sticky hours later we arrived at a restaurant near the border. We'd paid for our Cambodian Visa when we booked the bus ticket but needed a photograph to go with the form which we were told we'd have taken at this restaurant for an extra £2 each. After about an hour at the restaurant it became apaprent that the bus wasn't carrying on to the border until a certain amount of money had been spent by the passengers or a certain amount of time had passed (or both?)! It also came to light that our extra £2 wasn't actually for a photo but was to bribe a border official provide the visa without one!Eventually we left for the border.

Having already read about the Scam Bus we'd only booked our ticket as far as the border and were making our own way from there but they tried to keep us on the bus until we agreed to book their bus or their taxi onward from the border. Obviously we didn't & I had to literally barge past 2 Thai's to get off the bus and get ours bags! A group of 10 or so other passengers were stood with one of the blokes from the bus and set off walking to the border crossing. We started walking with them until someone told him they'd got no more money out of us and he then refused to let us follow him or give us directions!!!

From there crossing the border was fine and we quickly found a taxi on the other side to take us onwards to Siem Reap.

We should be back in Thailand towards the end of our trip, this time Northern Thailand. Fingers crossed it's less of a mixed bag than the south. As annoying as the place and the people were though if we have time to head back for some more thai curry & pad thai we might well do, the food was that good!

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