Fed Rot Chili Peppers

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Usually, westerners visiting this part of the world suffer something nasty and gastric at some point or other during their stay, as they adjust to the food/climate/environment/jetlag etc, and having had the need to be in close proximity to a bathroom from time to time on past visits to Sri Lanka for several days, I prepared the title of this article after thinking it up well before I touched down in Colombo and figuring it was bound to be used to describe the reason for a sudden case of the runs. Although my bowel movements have been most satisfactory during my first five weeks here, I cannot let the opportunity to use this heading slip by, and so here it shall stay.

DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE
Sri Lanka remains a great place for English cricket teams to tour in the western winter as well as being a top-choice destination for a relaxing and wonderful experience for your bulk-standard European holidaymaker. Due to the ethnic conflict, however, which escalated somewhat during the months of 2006, tourism has been hit hard as the media have portrayed Sri Lanka as being unsafe for western tourists because of the trouble, and even the cricket teams have largely stopped coming. The stories issued by the journalists have been distorted, however, and with the common sense one should travel with wherever one goes, there is no danger whatever when visiting this ‘fractured isle’. If you wish to feel ultra-secure here, then you can still see amazing sights by avoiding Colombo, the business and commercial centre as well as the home of the government and the President, and setting your sights elsewhere. The ancient cities just north of the hill country are a magnet to those curious to seek out the more spiritual and cultural side of Sri Lanka; in Kandy you can visit the ‘Temple of the Tooth’; Sigiriya boasts what has been described as the eighth wonder of the world in the form of an impressive rock fortress; the beaches along the south and south-west coasts are very hard to beat; at Pinnewala the elephant orphanage is a popular attraction. In addition to these favourites, at Yala National Park you can ‘safari’ and check out wild elephants, leopard and wild boar, and all manner of fascinating wildlife and fauna can be enjoyed at the Sinharaja rainforest in the southwestern interior.

Despite all this, and the very definite feasibility of avoiding Colombo altogether if required, the media has influenced the decision of many westerners to seek out their leisure time away from Sri Lanka, just when she needs them most. For Europeans, Colombo is no more full of risk as their own capital cities are given recent and, importantly, random attacks that have been perpetrated by terrorists in those places, causing misery for all manner of different people. The terrorists in Sri Lanka are no better than those in other parts of the world and their actions are equally unforgiveable, but the fact remains that the targets over here are either contained in the extreme north and east of the country, or if they seek more prominent victims in Colombo, they are always, without fail, MPs or other dignitaries that are somehow involved with the terrorists’ demands for further recognition in their cause. Tourists have never been physically affected by the terrorist acts carried out in this country and unless things take a dramatic and unexpected change in the near future, this trend is likely to remain the same, leaving ordinary foreigners here more secure than the headline-makers would have us believe.

HOORAY FOR HAMPTON
One school cricket team that deserves credit for carrying out their plans to tour Sri Lanka is Hampton School from London, who recently enjoyed an incident-free and thoroughly memorable 11 days here, playing decent cricket against several school teams in Dambulla, Kandy and Colombo as well as taking time to seek out the sights en-route. Their on-field results were evenly mixed, and they made many friends along the way as they were the recipients of the legendary Sri Lankan hospitality, which is an ever-present feature of the experience here. For every UK touring team that has agreed to complete their cricket trip to Sri Lanka this season, six or seven have declined to do so after receiving misguided advice from UK authorities and from accepting exaggerated information supplied by the media. The advice given by the nervous United States High Commission in Colombo has been even more severe; they have been pleading with their citizens not to come here, or if they do then they have to check in with the High Commissioner five times a day, run through hoops, don’t go outside their security-controlled hotel room anywhere in the country between the hours of 2.00pm and 11.00am and to put on a fake voice so that you don’t bring attention to yourself in the local supermarket. Tune in later to read the results from my research into the other nationalities and their reactions to security concerns in Sri Lanka!

When considering the despicable acts that do seem to be carried out in certain places of the world, it recently came to light that a terribly cruel crime was committed during the 2004 tsunami here on the serendipitous isle. Two men in the south were seen robbing a woman who was struggling to survive the dreadful torrents on Boxing Day, and after relieving her of her jewellery they aggressively despatched her back into the water where she perished. Hard to believe anyone could be this cruel, but by all accounts this did happen and the two gentlemen in question have admitted this despicable crime, and have recently been sentenced to death as a result. As the country wrestles with its conscience about the use of capital punishment, much like Great Britain has for the past 40 years, Sri Lanka is yet to decide whether this sentence will be carried out, and the government’s condemnation of the execution of Saddam gives us a clue to the likely outcome of this whole affair, where perhaps this disgusting pair of individuals may ultimately face a reprieve after all and rot in jail instead.

R & R
After this latest political news update, I am able to offer a more jovial tone now that I am settling into three days of sunshine and laziness down the coast away from busy Colombo, where I aim to recharge my batteries before more cricket coaching and, indeed, cricket commentary next week, when the latest battles between Australia and England (with the addition of the New Zealand who make up the tri-series) commence.

Now I am always keen to seek out a bargain where possible, and for the past three years of visiting the Sri Lankan coast I have managed to demonstrate sneakiness of the highest order by booking into a guesthouse (£11.00 per night) which lies next door to a luxurious five-star hotel (£111.00 per night), and spending every waking hour enjoying the facilities of the latter before retiring simply for some shut-eye to the former! The process starts once again early the next day as I wake up, shower, then casually take the one-minute stroll round the corner for the five-star brekkie with swimming trunks, MP3, book and sun-lotion in tow, and there I stay for the day for serious falling asleep under the rays and under the palm trees, with the Indian Ocean waves crashing in. My very first trip to this country was very much centred around this impressive hotel six years back, and having made friends with many staff there I am still in touch with them to this day, and they knowingly allow me the honour of patronising their hotel for the facilities only, as they know me as the ‘English cricket coach on a budget’. Some three years back I was even invited to stand as the ‘neutral umpire’ when my arrival at the hotel coincided with the annual staff cricket match just down the road, and although some of my decisions on the field of play were disputed, the game was entertaining for everyone.

Business is still down at the present time, and with me having booked the accommodation next door, at least the fancy hotel is receiving some small income from the meals and pots of tea that I take during the day so they may as well accept the deal. My (extra-sneaky) enquiry about a low-cost deal for a room here at the five-star for just a couple of nights - tenable you’d think as many rooms are staying empty anyway at present - has fallen on deaf ears on each of the last three occasions I have visited the place and made the suggestion! You get nothing for trying, especially if you back it up with cricket-related gifts from England which are handed over to the general manager immediately prior to my request for a discounted room...still nothing doing however.

NEVER RAINS HERE IN JANUARY. NEVER.
The last day on the coast featured unseasonal rain which was most unfortunate, and this carried on the next day too when I began my stay at the house of some good friends (cricket friends of course) in Ratmalana, just south of central Colombo and within spitting distance from the former national airport. It is now used solely for military aircraft and not the commercial type, and although that may make it a potential target for the Tamil Tigers I have never heard about attacks on this base at all. My friends at this bungalow, Lalit and Kemalini, have allowed me the use of their spare room two or three times now and I am very grateful to them indeed - the initial agreement was that in exchange for my ‘board and lodgings’ I would coach at St Joseph’s College (Lalit’s an old boy) and also I would help deliver weekend sessions at the Singhalese Sports Club Junior Cricket School, managed and run by Lalit with another coach. With all the commentary I have agreed to undertake I have less time to dedicate to coaching at “Joe’s” or at the weekend school at the moment, but Lalit doesn’t seem to mind so long as we talk cricket together over a beer from the moment he gets home from work, throughout dinner and until we retire at the end of the night! Lalit always picks my brain about new theories, new strategies and the latest practices, and he is often keen for me to offer an opinion on such matters.

Kemalini is a bubbly, intelligent and thoroughly sociable woman, and lots of fun to talk with, and perhaps typically of those in a wheelchair she never asks for favours or sympathy - she simply gets on with everyday life with unstinting support from Lalit and their children, who adjust their schedules without the blink of an eye to accommodate Kemalini’s needs. In Sri Lanka there is virtually no assistance in society for anyone who has any kind of disability, from transport to shopping malls to restaurants, and on her regular trips to the UK where there is a very real awareness that every single person deserves to be accommodated in society, she must feel very welcome. I hope so. Given the difficulties she faces when simply moving from one place to another here in her own country and the discomfort that goes with it, it is remarkable that twice a week she volunteers to assist at a centre some distance away for adults with learning disabilities.

TINKER WITH TAILORING
At Christmas I was thrilled to receive a beauitful shirt from Harsha and Rukshie, and I was equally impressed with Rukshie’s ability (for it was she that acquired the item) to locate something that actually fit a big lad like me so well! As if to demonstrate how much I enjoyed the shirt, I mentioned that I’d like to see the place where these XXL monsters were on sale, but instead we formulated the idea of buying the material and having another one made up by a tailor, thereby guaranteeing my sizing. Brilliant! And, by UK standards, cheap. When faced with so much choice at the materials stall I ended up placing orders for FOUR shirts to be made up in all, and I shall report back on this blog how these garments have turned up when they are completed later this month. I am not expecting Savile Row quality or attention to detail, especially when the total cost including material and tailoring for all four shirts is only £13.00, but I imagine they will be wearable, and you can pass judgement on these chamises when I display some pictures modelling them in a couple of blogs time!

THE FINAL WORD
The Daily News, a national Sri Lankan newspaper, recently ran a ‘pun’ competition in one of its editions with a prize for the best pun on offer, and I decided that this was for me and I entered. I ended up sending in a total of ten different entries in order to increase my chances of winning, but no pun in ten did.

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Photos

Mike photographed near the Indian Ocean
....and Nellie the bleedin' elephant gets in the way

Tea-time at Colts Cricket Club
Hampton lads get stuck in after posting nearly 300

Blue Water Hotel
$$$$$$ per night

Wadduwa Resort Hotel
$ per night

Jumpers for goalposts, palm trees for wickets...
Six and out if you get it in the sea...and you are fetching it by the way...