Welcome to our Hotel Mr Bond....

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Geo: 6.38321, 80.0112

Head for the Beach! I thought I would never utter those words! In the last 20 years, I think we have collectively only spent about 6 hours by a Hotel Pool or Sea. The most in one hit was 2 hours in Rarotonga when after entertaining the whole resort by falling of a Kayak boredom set in and off we went in search of local "stuff"!!

However, 5 days of "GLIMP" weather has caused the us to pull the "ripcord " on this area and head South and down the Island in search of sun. There is little point in waiting to see if things are going to improve weather-wise. We are still coughing and spluttering and it has taken 3 days for Cathy's jeans to semi-dry despite ironing them for 1/2 hour in our tent the other night.

IRONICALLY......we awake to bright sunshine! BUT we are pleased to be moving on as the accommodation (whilst OK's just about) is reminiscent of an elderly Aunt's bungalow in Hastings. A deal has been done to swap two nights at a Resort in Elkadua south of Columbo! A sister Hotel of the B & B but looks fantastic! Glad I packed the coconut matting thong - a last minute decision but a wise one.

A long twisting 6 hour drive down South is in prospect.

Sri Lankan driving goes something like this:-

In a 50kph limit do 75kph - no less...... wherever possible head for the backside of a tuk tuk.....honk horn at tuk tuk and pass slowly.......... taking time to smile at the driver .......but only when you have made sure there is huge bus or lorry coming at you with little or no room for escape! .......Better still..... wait behind said tuk tuk until you reach a blind corner on some precarious mountain road and then over take!!!! Even better still........rush at high speed to the back of the bus in front..... who trying is to overtake another slower bus.......which in turn is trying to overtake a tuk tuk.... on a blind corner..... and then overtake the lot!

We survive and eventually hit the outskirts of Columbo where we take the only Motorway down South towards Galle (made infamous by the tragic Tsunami in 2004). Our driver seems terrified at driving on this two lane highway. It is as well constructed as anything in Europe but with one difference....NO CARS! He hits 100kph and says breathlessly ........"TOO FAST for Sri Lankan's to drive at"..........Somewhat ironic bearing in mind the 6 hours of PLASMA BUBBLING ......bring your own tourniquet and cutting equipment experience he has just put us through!!!

At last we pull into the outskirts of Bentota and spot "touristy" shapes in Dr Scholl sandals ambling down the main drag and being lured inside by hard nosed shopkeepers selling masks and colourful inflatable blow up beach animals.

HOTEL COCOON LUXURY RESORT & VILLAS.

Swotting more tuk tuks to one side we leave "The Benidorm" of Sri Lanka behind and turn left over a level crossing and up a jungly track for about 2km. We pull up expectantly outside a huge pair of wrought iron gates embellished with a lavish "Coconut logo" made of brass. These are slowly opened by an elderly "flip flopped" security guard wearing baggy green hand me down army kit from 1958. He salutes crisply and we rumble up a crunchy gravel drive resplendent with huge palm trees and red Calla Lilies either side. We slowly make our way toward a very well appointed colonial style "BECKHAMESQUE" establishment with a huge tropical portico and are greeted by more uniformed flunkies of differing ranks (all wearing flip flops in various states of repair). The Hotel Manager dressed in immaculate white jungle fatigues opens my door.........."Good afternoon Mr Bond" ......"eeer Hillman actually" I reply in my best Old School accent.........."welcome to our resort we have been expecting you"..... This could be the setting for a 007 film.....there is even an expensive Aston Martin type car outside the front entrance probably belong to the evil "Mr Coconut" himself.

Superb.......AND............wait for it.......we are the only guests.!! A little worrying to my suspicious mind but it is fab and here were are now sitting by the pool in glorious sun...

INSECT ALERT!!!!

Last night Cathy hears a noise in our room reminiscent of a finger being run down Venetian Blinds!!!! A few shocking seconds letter she squeaks......"I think a small bird is flying about in the wooden rafters of our bedroom"......hmmmmmm......eeek....concerning to say at the least. Bird? This is no bird we discover. This is MIGHTY MOTH FROM PLANET........"lets drink all the steroids in one go as a caterpillar planet" The size of a Porsche 911 Turbo it relentlessly dives bombs Cathy as she tries to corner it our bathroom with a wastepaper basket!!

Keeping a discrete and helpful distance I wildly "hoot instructions"........memories of the infamous "Huntsman spider incident" - Taman Negara Rainforest Lodge - Malaysia (1999) grip me. This was a horrid sleepless night spent huddled on our bed in the middle of our hut.....afloat in a sea of inspect repellent, whilst a massive spider sits high in similar wooden rafters watching our every move and calling to his friends to join the party..............Eventually, the "BLATTER MOTH (in reality the size of a cotton reel with hard plastic wings) gets "peed off" and rattles off and settles high up bathroom ceiling only to make an unwelcome return at 0430hrs!

More to follow....

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Comments

[Viv]

Oh my goodness-I can NOT stop laughing! It's 10 past 11 at night and the house is completely silent aside from the hoots of laughter emanating from my bedroom. My abdomen is strangely reminiscent of the way it used to feel after a day at
the Harper residence in Hamilton Ave in the 1970s-eyewateringly sore! Bring it on you two - Bond and Mrs I'll-sort-you-mutant-moth-with-my-HP-sauce-and-waste-paper-basket Bond. Don't mess with me!!!V