Day 01 - The Journey (Odessey) Begins

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July 8th 2015
Published: July 8th 2015
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Our journey begins in 2 different states, Nebraska via Texas and Colorado. This year Chester and Kirsten are trying to throw off the doubters and are bringing along a 3rd traveler. Because 2 single, overweight, over 40 women traveling together are gay. 3 single, overweight, muffin topped, over 40 women equals, 3 spinsters looking for a good time. The odyssey will take us through 3 countries in less than 3 weeks. Vietnam, Cambodia and Sri Lanka. Our goal is to compare the various massage techniques in all of them on a daily basis if possible. And maybe see a few sights along the way.

Today's journey getting to Vietnam is so far uneventful aside from the guy on the plane eating Kim-chi flavored pork rinds. But the journey is not over so time will tell as the journey is only half way through.

We thought we would give everyone a blast from the past of our massage experience in Egypt some years back. Ironically the website has deleted this post but Chester's mother who saves everything and used to print them for her father to read, still had a copy. So to kill some time in the airport we present you with one the greatest all time travel blogs posts ever (or at least form Chester and Kirsten).

Day 10 in Hurgahada, Red Sea Egypt

This was quite a new experience for both of us. At times like this we always feel we should take advantage of the full package to get the entire cultural experience. So when in Egypt you must have the Cleopatra Massage. We know that Egypt is a fairly conservative country. Women swim fully clothed with their hair covered, but once you get to the spa, all bets (and clothes) are off. Nothing conservative about the Egyptian Spa.

We arrived at the spa 15 minutes early and were immediately escorted to the back by a short, cute older Egyptian woman and a young, tall handsome Egyptian man that we believed was there to tell us what to do in English. He advised us to get undressed, hang our clothes on the hook and hop into the showers. We both hesitated and looked at each other thinking they are going to bring us a robe or a towel or for the gentleman to leave so we can get in the shower. Not so, at least at first. After a few more awkward glances between us and then to the women, she told the man to leave. However there were still no robes or towels. Finally we both undressed, one would think in privacy but no she watched. Both of us jumped into the shower, no closed curtains or doors needed here; then she pointed us to the sauna. This time with a towel as we would have burnt our buns on the wooden slats without one. Don't be frightened, but now just picture us, both naked in the sauna sitting on a small towel, giggling. We now realize we are a bit closer as friends than we were 10 minutes ago. We didn't know it then, but by the end of this experience we were even closer friends and not necessarily by choice.

We could only handle about 5 min in the sauna before we had to get out. Our new best friend then directed us to the steam room. It was a small room with a long marble bench. But no sitting down and steaming yet. In the steam room was a Tupperware bowl with some soap and a loofa mitt waiting for us. She demands Kirsten to stand and spread em. She begins to rub down EVERY square inch of her external body. Yes, every crack and crevice and bump. Yes, even those cracks and crevices. This all happening while Chester is sitting on the marble bench, eyes forward, giggling. It only took one swipe between the butt cheeks and Kirsten busts out laughing. Meanwhile, Chester knows what is going on and can only continue to keep her eyes front, still giggling. She completes both sides of the full body cavity scrub down and does the same to Chester. But wait, you might ask did she go out and change the soap dish or Loofa. NOOOOOO. Why would she do that? This is starting to turn into one of those experiences like Fight Club. "Don't ever talk about Fight Club", has now turned into a new mantra for us, "Don't ever talk about the Cleopatra."' (However, this was just too funny not too.) Now we are demanded in that loving way she has with 5 English words in her vocab to sit and steam. We have not rinsed off so we are sliding across the marble slab with our fat soapy selves. After 10 minutes in the steam room in awkward silence, she demands that we take a shower.

Then we are sent into the Jacuzzi that thankfully is not hot. She gives us some steaming hot red tea that takes 20 minutes to cool down. So after we turn into raisins she finally returns and demands that we finish our tea. Kristen is not a fan of tea at all so she finishes hers by drinking it and spitting it out in the hot tub when our new BFF is not looking. Chester dutifully drinks her tea. Chester is pretty scared and traumatized by now.

Now Kirsten is directed back into the steam room where towels are laid out and she is told to lie on her stomach, mind you,--still naked. BFF begins to cover her back side with ground up fresh coconut with some type of milk, and yes in EVERY crack and crevice. Yes, those cracks and crevices, too.

She then demands Kirsten to flip over, but BFF begins to have a conversation with the gentleman outside the curtain. Meanwhile as Kirsten is laying butt naked on her back she demands Chester to get out of water and put swim bottoms on as the man is coming back. Kirsten is wondering why she does not have to put bottoms on. But the man walks through and in another room to rub Chester down with coconut and milk. But Chester does have her bottoms on (of course) but just bottoms. Our new BFF's complete the front coating of coconut and milk and applies a honey type mask to our faces and we are wrapped up in towels like mummies and left to sit for 10 min. While Chester was relaxing she was entertained by the ants crawling up the wall.

They both return and demand that we take another shower. We both showered for a good 10 minutes trying to get the ground up coconut out of every nook and cranny, all the while the coconut is clogging the drains of the shower. Luckily we did have 2 separate showers. From there we are escorted to the massage rooms.

The massages were great. They were a Swedish type massage with a twist. At one point after she completed the legs she jumps on the table and proceeds to mount Kirsten to get the full strength needed to massage her massive ass. There had to be a liter of massage oil used on each of us. There was no hesitation to massaging ANY and ALL external parts of the body. Yes, those parts too. Let's just say we both don’t need to do a self breast exam this month. For Chester, by the way, as she had a male masseuse, it counts. So after approximately a 90 minute massage we are wore out and slip slided our way back to our room. We were demanded to not shower for at least an hour.

Day 11 includes big plans of lying by the pool and beach and doing NOTHING. Except maybe eating and drinking. After the trauma of this evening we are a bit scared of what is in store for us at the Turkish baths. We did wonder how this all works for a male getting a Cleopatra massage and what is entailed in a Cleopatra massage with a happy ending. We never want to know.


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