reflections

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Well, it’s 2008 and I didn’t want to do one of those cheesy blogs reflecting on the last year and pretend to write about things that would change with the New Year. But I am. Mainly because the last few days have been kind of hard and I thought that writing would make things a little easier. Reflecting would be therapeutic. Like most people, this year like any other year, has been an emotional roller coaster: laughter, tears, births, deaths, marriages, new relaionships, lessons learned and new found realizations about myself.

I started 2007 at a new job and overworked. Always stressed and never really knowing what I was doing there. The people I cared for kept me there. But the lack of appreciation left me wanting to get out of there as soon as possible.

Within two month I experienced one of the hardest things of losing two great people in my life. Both people that I worked for and cared for on a daily basis and both that have touched me, changed me and taught me more than I can imagine or have asked for. I learned the true meaning of forgiveness, kindness, patience, that it was ok to be afraid and cry, and about second chances. After Larry passed away I never fully ever coped with the loss because of work. I was a supervisor at the group home that he lived in. I felt the expectation to be the backbone and strong for my staff. I still think about him, and the kind of person that he was and how much I desire to become a person like him.

After the death of Larry and a newfound realization that life was short and that I was living a life that wasn’t making me happy I decided to quit my job. I quit and visited my best friend in Florida, only to experience another loss, in a different way. I took a leap of faith. Sometimes you try something new hoping for the best but plan for the worst. But even though you plan for the worst, it doesn’t make it any easier when the worst actually happens. But once again in the midst of all this I did learn some lessons from him. He taught me to always see people, life and situations in a different, positive light; to never settle for less than best and that includes the people you surround yourself with on a daily basis; and to take chances because even though the outcome may not always turn out the way you want you won’t look back on life wondering what if. I’m still getting over it and letting go. And once again I realized that I never fully coped with that loss either.

I decided to move to Korea to teach English. Right before I moved my mom found out that she would have to have some major surgery. It was hard to get on the plane knowing that in just a few days my mom would be going into surgery. I arrived in Korea and you all know what kind of experience that has been. But one thing that I realized since I’ve been here is that it is easier for me to mentally and emotionally get closer to someone that is physically farther away from me. And that all the past relationships were proof of that. I’m learning everyday to change that. Because I think that is an awful way to be. I want to know how to let people in. I am so thankful for all the people that have been in my life this past year. So grateful for all the wonderful memories I’ve made and blessed to learn everything that I have, even though it caused some pain and tears.

I know New Year’s resolutions are overrated, so rather I found a quote that I want to live by this year:

live with intention.
walk to the edge.
listen hard.
practice wellness.
play with abandon.
laugh.
choose with no regret.
continue to learn.
appreciate your friends.
do what you love.
live as if this is all there is.

So Happy 2008.

peace and love.

Susan

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Photos

Getting through the winter...
Midweek happy hours and kareoke.

Korean food!
Late spring, hosting a Korean dinner with some girlfriends.

New York trip with Molly
One of the best trips I've ever had.

Best Friends
My best friend for life.
I love you sister.

New/Old friends
Old friends meet new friends.

Kansas City
Erica and Molly visit Kansas City and me

San Fransicso
San Fransicso trip with Amy
Sorry I had to cut it short.

Comments

[Chitra]

:)
Love you. Happy 2008!

[anonymous]

interesting
Hi susan. again your journal entries fill me with thoughts of my own and a self reflection into my own pond of life. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, it sounds like you've learned and grown much from it. Wishing you a safe, happy and prosperous new year :) -kalpesh

[Molly Slovnik]

Ha.
I love this entry! Not just because I'm in a lot of the pics ;) but because of your honesty. It's great to hear what you are learning Suz, somehow I will visit you! much love!