Missed it......Singapore


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September 18th 2014
Published: September 18th 2014
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Right these are Rachel's exact words.... We've had too many sangsoms so she can't type shes got a toad in her lug off a street hawker so Lisa's writing her crack doon. Where we starting from lis?? Erm well...no hod on....right hod on right....so we gets of wor plane gets a taxi driver to tEk wA to the hotel in little India....wasn't even in little India.... Turns out its a chain and we ..... Hod on me dress is stuck in the chair don't write that....right so it's a chain and we trip advisors the wrong cunt......but was canny anywaz bit like premiere inn. Went for a wesh n went on the open top bus for a bit round the city...loadsa tall buildings their man I think it's called business side where they.....do business.thennnnn wa seen the marina bay where wa stayin Tomorra near the flyer....aka the massive wheel of Singapore.fuckin 20 times the size of the shite London one. "Thank you honey" (waiter passes rachel a ashtray). Soooo did all that shit went passed posh gardens n hooses n that.got the next bus got off at china town had some scran. Missed the last bus.then wa went little India in a taxi had some more scran n few peeves then had to gan to kip for the posh hotel next day. Wa get their Jesus Christ I think I'm in Vegas. "Do ya nah how to spell concierges?" Me "nah" wey anyways loadsa them buggers knocking about lookin after ya. Get put in the room early coz wa blonde. Pure loved us. However we kept on getin knocked on. One minute it's a mini bar gadge next it's the garden cowies thn it's me fuckin bags I just wanna be left alone in me posh room with me 60" telly.anyway had a bit doss.then went out Starvin cannit find anywhere cheap to scran....Lisa takes a paddy n the woman gans mad. So went walkabout....I mean outback...guts were riving.....was alreet....had a pork chop think it was a lamb chop....was black. Soooo Scranned we were happy then. Went raffles thinkin we were posh...went up one too many floors....knocking on the doors n that...no bugger answering thought we'd missed it like everything else. Had to gan to the posh courtyard instead. Lisa the div looked at the expensive side of the menu orderd 2 pretty polls 35 fuckin dollars plus tax plus tips. Looked at other side Singapore slings were their man....cheaper.so we supped up went back up for another look because the geeza said we'd been in the wrong floor.. Went upstairs.....hottie botottie took us to wa table with a massive bag of monkey nuts cushtyyyyy. Lob them on the floor n finally got a Singapore sling.....cost us another 35 bar but were never coming back.so downed it coz we had to gan to the flyer. Walked Oot the door n this old gadge on his rickashaw bike hawkers us into getin us on his bike that went 2 mile an hour down the road....every bastard car was beeping at wa.....felt like bellends. Burp "pardon me". Got to the wheel went up of half hour was tidy like....see everything was massive....had bars!!!! London one ain't got bars....Singapore mint.got off tried find way back to mint hotel. Had to ask sky sports men how to get their (coz Grand Prix on) roads shut. We showed them How to hop owa a massive barrier. Lisa took her back out. Went hotel fuck me went to the pool fuck me look like ya fallin off it...one of them infinity pools but ya like half a mile in the air.dossed their for a bit loadsa Chinese with selfie sticks thinking their mint....twats.we fancy Chinese men though. Went bk to our hundred pun each room and chilled oot. Passed out more like....wok up come ere!!! That's the end of Rachel's Singapore story. Beautiful 😊 we've just orderd another bottle of sangsom n Rachel's arguing with some Thai bird tryin to sell her bracelets!!!! Koh tao Tomorra loves yassssssss

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