Pakistan Wedding 2023


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Asia » Pakistan » Lahore
March 5th 2023
Published: April 4th 2023
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My colleague / friend (U), whom I have known since 2014 was celebrating his marriage in his home village in Pakistan and invited me to join them. His family live in a small village about 90 minutes drive from Lahore, so my friend (L) and I (all of us colleagues) flew into Lahore and were picked up by yet another friend / colleague (M). It was late when we flew in. In general, the airport seemed fine, but when we arrived at the foreign visa counter, they were having a bit of an IT issue, so it took about 20 minutes just to get me through. Then the few people behind us went through easily.

Driving in Pakistan
M and his cousin were outside waiting for us and planned to take us to a late dinner. I was a bit more tired then hungry, but agreed to it if only just to catch up with him. However, according to M, the restaurants are all now required to close by 11pm, due to energy consumption issues. The best way was through a military area but as foreigners, we were turned around, so we had to take busy back roads to get there and unfortunately we did not make it in time. So, the only place was open was the McDonald's drive thru. For various reasons, this took 40 minutes and we were finally driven to the hotel, Ramada, which was quite nice. I had a bite of a few nuggets and passed out completely. I realized M was so set on getting food because he had a long drive back home! He had been hoping to sit and chat before the drive, poor thing.
I had a lot of movie quotes running through my head this trip, and the one that came to mind here was Planes, Trains and Automobiles: "It's the middle of the night." "He's proud of his town. That's a damn rare thing these days."

The next morning, I think we were still a bit full from the late fast food, and we just had a tea / coffee and pastry. I was able to take a nice shower and then we waited for our friend, the groom, to pick us up. He came with his friend, H, and we had a nice 90 minute drive to their village. Shakoot. It was quite interesting, driving through Lahore, which had a mix of decent roads and rubble. It was very crowded and chaotic, but everyone seemed a bit patient. Soon, we got onto the highway which was in good condition. While most of the people we met were very pro-Imran Khan, the former cricket player and former president, U had an alternative point of view. He joked about how this road and many other highway links were built by the president before Imran Khan, yet he was viewed by Imran's supporters as corrupt. In the meantime, we had had a good laugh the night before driving around with M and his cousin, who were big Imran Khan supporters, about safety. There were so many motorbikes on the roads, some with whole families sitting on them. M said that Imran Khan tried to implement a law requiring helmets and that just brought out everyone to protest! M said in mock quotes "We are ready to die!" which just cracked me up because that is essentially what they were saying. Needless to say, the helmet law did not pass. I had also noticed the previous night there were a lot of thin gold tires in front of shops in the city and I started to see them here. I don't think I ever got a satisfactory answer and apparently no one thought it was noticeable except for me.

We stopped at a rest area on the highway for some chai and a rest. At this point, we were in the middle of nowhere, with so much agriculture surrounding us. It was lovely. Then we got off the highway and started to drive through villages, which were pretty much made of all red bricks. We found out the next day that this was an area that had many brick kilns, which we did see. The red brick, green agriculture, and bright blue sky made for some beautiful scenery. Soon, we entered the village, passing his old school, and then arrived at the family home, which I'll go into a bit later.

Continuing with the driving the next day (Saturday), M took us up to his family village, about 90 minutes north. We went through one town where we got stopped at train tracks, with people constantly crossing in front. His parents, brothers, sister in law, and a cousin were waiting in his oldest brother's lovely home, where we were led into the main room which had a full spread of different types of food. I think only L and I were eating while they watched; it was mostly finger foods and were quite good. They also gave me a typical outfit, which I put on and kept on for the rest of the day. After this, we went out to the back yard which held nice chairs and a guava tree, which they also fed to us. We talked for a while, with them asking us would we not stay for dinner now (did we not just eat a lot? I swear they just kept feeding us in this country!). However, we needed to get back to Shakoot for the second night of festiviites. First though, we joined M's father and brother at their home, which included a sweets shop on the street, with the living facilities in the back. M's wife and kid lived their with his parents', brother and his family, and the bride's family as well. His father brought us four types of sweets for us to try (more food!), from R-L in photo, Ghulabjaman (concentrated milk), Gajerela (carrots), Barfi (milk), and Helwa. L and I each got some of the carrots dish, because it was surprisingly good! Then we headed back.

The last day, on the way to the airport was quite hectic as M did not find the highway initially, so we spent a lot of time driving through small towns. When we got onto the main highway and were able to bypass along the outskirts of Lahore, it was amazing to see the variety of different modes of transportation on the same road: cars, motorbikes, buses, tuk tuks, camels, horses, donkeys, bicycles. I mean... wow. So interesting. I should also mention that the trucks and buses were so incredibly decorated and unique - I loved it but never got the chance to get a good photo of one. It was really cool to see though!

Wedding with family and friends

Many of you may know of the typical huge weddings held in India and Pakistan, so I was looking forward to this new experience. U's family home looks like nothing from the street, but you go in and it is a large courtyard with rooms all along the left side. The dining area is beneath the roof, but otherwise open (with some large curtains to pull if necessary). We met U's father, three sisters, brother, and friends. His sister, Z, had made a lunch for us and we gladly had some nice food. Then we joined U and his new bride, N, in their main room to chat. Z had bought us a lot of stuff, including three outfits for me - two for the wedding evenings and one for day wear. L had received a pair of shoes and a tunic for the wedding that evening. Z then took me shopping where she bought three pairs of shoes for me. She was spoiling me. Then we went to the tailor and picked up a bunch of the dresses and clothes for the bride and a few other pieces. Z was just amazing and had seemingly endless energy.

L and I were taken to a nearby residence, I guess part of their family homes, where we were able to take a nap. M, his wife, son and niece and nephew joined us just before the evening's wedding event. I fell in LOVE with his niece Mv and nephew Mh - they were soooooo cute and friendly, and actually spoke English fairly well for their ages (9 and 11). I put on my first outfit, which was three pieces and white with lovely decorated trims. I got many compliments on it and it was indeed my favorite of the trip. L also even wore a traditional tunic and the shoes (which were a bit small for him).

Mehndi or Rasm-e-hina ceremony were listed on our invitations. I think the traditions have changed somewhat and our friend and his wife were not as traditional anyway. We all went as a group to U's family farm about 10 minutes drive away. Here, the dinner and celebrations were held outside, women on one side, men on the other. So, I was pretty much on my own at this point. M's wife, A, sat with me on a bench facing the procession route and we sat with the three kids. Mv was super cute and talkative. I don't know why, but she kind of reminded me of my niece. The women were all super friendly, but many of them spoke very little English, so our conversation was often limited to "You look very beautiful." "When do you leave Pakistan?" "Is this your first time in Pakistan?" They all looked so lovely with the many colors and beautiful hair and makeup. The wife, S, of another colleague, G, was with me most of the time and even though her English was limited, her two daughters (10 and 12) were very friendly and spoke pretty well.

The women participated more in the ceremony by throwing rose petals as the couple came down the aisle and Z handed out gold bangles to all the women as part of a family tradition. The guys were initially limited to just talking around tables. We were all invited to take photos with the couple as they sat on a mini-stage. I was often treated as the "guest of honor" which embarrassed me - I am terrible at being center of attention! One of the traditions towards the end of event was to rub oil on each of the couple's heads then feed them some food (I obliged with just a little tiny bit as I was among the last and they were full!). The men also did some dancing and threw money in the air; at first it was fun to watch the kids dive for it, but then it turned into grown men doing so, the workers, and that was a bit strange. We did see this on a grand scale the next day - men on a roof throwing money down on the crowd!

The food was absolutely delicious. Jalebi was the first thing brought out and it is a sticky sweet fried flour (I think) and was very good, but I could only have one. The other (I think is called pani puri) was an egg shaped hollow fried dough with potatoes inside, then served with a glass of some hot brothy type thing (I thought was a gross drink!); you pour the drink over top and just stuff it into your mouth. Apparently. I had two, and was better at eating the second, though I spilled a couple drops on my lovely white tunic. Mv ate so many of them! Then we had the usual fare after, straight from the grill, generally chicken kebabs and some grilled lamb.

Unfortunately, there was a small incident. As you may have heard, Pakistanis do indeed fire guns on the evening. This time, it was just one guy really and only a couple of times. At the very end of the night, I was standing with Mv talking to M and L, when the guy came up and fired a couple of shots above. Then he pointed down a little and when he fired, Mv immediately fell to the ground screaming and covering her eye. I was freaked out because she was not a dramatic child so clearly something had happened. Thankfully, her eye was ok, but there was a cut on the bridge of her nose and definitely something small in her eye. L said he believes the shot clipped the concrete wall and some shrapnel came back and hit her. My heart was broken, and i sat with her for while in the villa until it was time to leave. Fortunately, she was much better the next morning and by afternoon totally fine. She joined us on the car ride to M's hometown, seeing her parents, which probably helped her because I think it was mostly (understandably!) just very scary.

The Walima ceremony is the official wedding of the couple and is made public. This was held at a local venue, again, with women on one side and men on the other. However, this time the women got to party it up more. The guys, according to L later, were on one side of the hall which was just sitting around at tables, divided from us by the barrier. On the women's side, we had the whole fancy set up with couches and a nice dining table, decorations, and the couch where the couple would sit. After they were brought through in a rotating cage on a moving platform. They were clearly embarrassed and it was quite entertaining! Then we all just basically ate, talked and took photos with the couple. The men coming across the barrier occasionally to participate. I met a few more ladies this evening and chatted with some of my new friends! They were also so nice and friendly; this was also the fancier evening attire. But really, the designs on both nights for the ladies were just beautiful. We also gave gifts to the couple, though I am still confused as to what we were supposed to give as I gave money and L gave a photo album, which seemed to be surprising to U. Again I spent most of the evening hanging out with A in the front couch, and S and her daughters in particular. Then it was time to leave.

The next day we had a delicious breakfast at U's family home - eating Nanchana (chickpeas) and helwa, which were like sweet tiny grits to me, but apparently helwa is used to describe a bunch of different sweet flavored dishes. Anyway, eating with bread, it is one of the favorite dishes and I could see why. Then it was time to say goodbye to U, his three sisters and brother, father, and friends.

Final thoughts

First and foremost, U's mother had passed away last April and she was clearly very missed during this ceremony. I saw U's father in tears and hugging his sisters a few times. So many other aunties of U's described how devastating the loss was. I could see it. I had the pleasure of speaking with her on the video chat one time when U worked from home - she was lovely and her presence was felt the whole time.

Secondly, everyone was just so incredibly friendly! And they really wanted you to eat everything. And give you gifts. We did not find out until the last morning breakfast that in order to put an end to it, you have to say "Seriously. Stop!" M had to say that to U while denying more food - L and I were like, could you not have told us this earlier!?!?!

Another thing - I was constantly given gifts and had a lot to bring back with me: three full outfits, three pairs of shoes, bangles, jewelry, sunglasses, and some sweets. L brought back the tunic. We joked the whole time that when he and I were introduced, they went on about me and most of the families were familiar with my name. And then this is L. LOL! SO, another movie quote popping to mind was A League of Their Own: "This is our daughter Dottie..... This is our other daughter: Dottie's sister."

Finally, I would definitely return here. We did not do much site seeing as we spent most of the short time with our friends and their families. However, I would love to come back to see more of this beautiful country.


Additional photos below
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5th April 2023

Pakistan Wedding
What an honour to be invited and be able to travel to attend. Must hold special memories for you...and you have the outfit to re-live them!
8th April 2023
Mv and Mh with Jalebi

Pakistan
I love following your world travels. How wonderful to get to attend his wedding and you looked great! It looked like a wonderful happy event.

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