Dick Sees the Pig

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Dick sees the pig. The pig does not see Dick. Dick sees the pig try to run. Run pig, run. Squeal pig, squeal. Squeal like a pig, pig. Laugh Mongols, laugh. After all, you have secured the squealing pig by a rope to its back leg and another around its snout, so roundly may you mock in various paroxysms of your manifold superiorities. Run (briefly) pig, run until the ropes tauten and you crunch into the dirt. Squeal pig, guffaw men. Titter in car girls, titter.

The men see the pig. The pig sees the men. The men grab the pig. The men throw the pig into the boot of the car. Slam boot lid, slam. Squeal unheard pig, squeal maybe. The pig is in the dark.

Remind Dick pig, vaguely of John McCarthy, remind. Google 'John McCarthy' young people, google. Read, young people, 'An Evil Cradling' (it's in all the charity shops), read. There is always another point of view.

As a tourist, Dick surmises, you haven't been anywhere really, if you still find three men in quite expensive business suits lassoing a pig of a Friday evening and cramming it into the trunk of a Mercedes as novel or interesting, even while the standard issue supermodel girlfriends titter there within. Disappointed in himself at his momentary open-mouthed agog stance, Dick considers where he is.

Dick is in Ulaanbaatar. Ulaanbaatar is a capital city, like Oslo or Ottawa or Tokyo. Mongolia is bigger than Norway and Japan, but not Canada. There are not so many people in Mongolia though. Nevertheless, the pignap takes place just outside the Circus (no relation), a locale that can only really be compared to the front of the Capitol in DC or the Brandenburg gate somewhere else. Think Regent's Street. Think Rue St Germain. Think squealing pig in rush hour. Think crackling. Think Mongolian BBQ. Local colour, thinks Dick, local bacon butty.

Dick reflects briefly on the best bacon butty in the world.

Dick cannot find a bar with both WiFi and a power supply. Dick has strolled up and down the main drag, and the vice-drag repeatedly. Stroll repeatedly Dick, repeatedly stroll. There are no other streets. There are bars, there is Wifi, there are bars with power supplies. Nowhere are the three combined to match Dick's budget: cheap.

With power alone (and warm vodka) in Black Cat Bar, Dick concludes he is a primitive country. Conclude Dick, conclude.

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