Deep Reflections from Stan

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When I am travelling I have two basic concerns: one is not getting sick, and the other is not getting into any trouble and / or having an accident that would cause us to return home sooner than planned.

On Preventing Sickness : Pray to the Gods as loudly as you can, as many times as you can, and to as many Gods you can possibly remember so they will not bestow upon you the wretched curse of diarrhea! One prayer that had worked for me on our last trip went something like this: "0 almighty God, spare me from the curse."

Beverly, my lovely wife, forgot to pray to the Gods and paid the nasty price last year in India. I think she now pretends to pray for forgiveness and makes promises to the Gods that she will treat her husband with greater reverence and respect. And you know, God, that that is no easy task!

Since I have not yet been sick this trip, I can only conclude that my lovely wife and only wife, Beverly, must be treating her husband with greater reverence and respect, and I think it is about time, and that my friend Tom must be considering becoming a Born Again Christian.

On Preventing Accidents, Etc. : Do not hurt yourself in any way, shape, or form that might shorten your holiday! A month has now gone by and we luckily have had only four minor incidents. Let me share them with you.

Incident #1

We were cycling on three feet wide cement walkways that were built six to eight feet above the swampy terrain we were crossing in the large park area of the city they call "The Lungs of Bangkok". My lovely wife and only wife Beverly decided to turn one corner a little too sharply. Her bike stopped moving, and she fell over. Prior to this, we had not seen any garbage cans anywhere on the walkways, but there they were on this particular corner, two large cans solidly strapped to the walkway so that the tops were level with the walkway. She did not fall into the cans, but landed on top of one of them. Nor did she fall into the marsh below, where she would have probably really hurt herself. Luckily when she fell she did not get injured, but she did earn the nickname "Garbage Can Lady".

Incident #2

We were riding the free Hop On / Hop Off buses in Kuala Lumpur, sitting at the very front of the bus, in a seat that my lovely wife and only wife, Beverly, had picked out for us. The bus was tossing and turning as we went around the corners, so I was hanging on to the metal bar in front of me. The bus stopped and the doors began to open. The only problem was that the bar I was hanging on to did not have enough clearance for my fingers, and so the door would not fully open because it was jammed on my fingers. Reluctantly, the door finally released its hold on me and I was able to get my hand back. Very luckily, I had no broken fingers, only redness and a little pain.

Incident #3

We were leaving Kuala Lumpur and going through airport security. In Canada, we would be looking around for potential terrorists boarding the plane, possibly bringing on illegal weapons like nail files, such as the one my lovely wife and only wife, Beverly, once tried unsuccessfully to smuggle on, which made me an associate of a terrorist. However, this time I discovered that I had forgotten to transfer my Swiss Army knife from my carry on luggage to my checked baggage. Well, my lovely wife and only wife, Beverly, did not remind me to put it in my backpack, so she was now travelling with a terrorist.. "Do you have a knife in your back pack Sir?" "Of course not." I replied. "Could you open up your back pack Sir?" "Of course I can." I replied. And there it was! However, after a brief discussion the security guard allowed me to return to the airline counter and check it in as baggage, but that is another story. I do believe being old and white worked to my advantage this time around.

Incident #4

We had just arrived in Borneo and were getting into a taxi at the airport. My lovely wife and only wife Beverly could not make up her mind to get into the back seat or the front seat. Meanwhile, the taxi driver thought she had already gotten into the back seat and proceeded to drive on, leaving some wicked tire marks over her toes! Once again, the Gods were really on our side, because she came out of that with nothing more than a slightly dirty shoe - no broken toes, only tire tracks on her runners to show for her indecisiveness!

My lovely wife and only wife, Beverly, are presently tied at two screw ups apiece. I will keep you posted on who screws up next, as we travel on now into the jungles of Borneo, where most certainly there will be many opportunities waiting for us!

I just like to report, now that our trip has drawn to an end, that Stan has had the most number

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Comments

[Jamie Goddard]

My lovely wife and only wife, Beverly, are presently tied at two screw ups apiece. My money is on Stan??? :)

[Annie]

Stan & Bev - wondered when your blogs would start. Keep them coming as they're enjoyable. I can only imagine that your jungle adventure will be an awesome one. Leech stockings? What are your plans Stan while Bev is in the month-long
yoga course -- have you considered yoga as well? Hugs ... Annie