From Luang Prabang - Laos to Hanoi – Vietnam in 5 days

---

Mission statement


From LP our plan was to head east to the vietnam border visiting the caves at Vieng Xai on the way.
Vieng Xai is the “town” where, during the period 1964-73, USA bombers dropped enormous amounts of ordnance targetting the Ho Chi Minh trail and the Pathet Loa resistance who hid in their thousands in caves which they transformed into an underground city.
Although it sounds simple in its concept, this plan would involve long overland journeys which we needed to break up along the way to avoid 12 or 14 hour stints on “chicken” buses.
The first option was to take one of these “busathons” over the mountains to Sam Neua which is the last “major” town before Vieng Xai. As we have found since arriving in Laos, travel info is hilariously vague and times, distances and durations vary drastically dependant upon who you ask.! This will either restore your travellers basic instincts, ride over you with no consequence or drive you mad if you are short on patience or time. In our case it made us laugh and actually made me relax more and adopt a “c'est la vie - que sera sera” attitude that I thought long since dead and buried. Remember LAOS PDR - please dont rush!!!!
It also makes sense of a sign I saw on a bus ride earlier in Loas which said something like
“Things will eventually get better when we build roads where we need them - until then PDR!” This was not grafitti but an official notice!


Day 1 : LUANG PRABANG - NONG KIEAW

Due to the horrible prospects of prolonged chicken bus torture and our well rested, jovial state of mind we opted for a “maybe 7 hour” boat trip up the Mekong and Ou rivers to Nong Kieaw. Tickets were not sold until the day of departure, so we got to the river just after dawn to ensure we got seats. This paid off as our boat was extremely narrow and the seats very small so we grabbed the front 2 and at least had a little leg room. Things got underway almost on schedule and by just after 8 am we were heading upriver albeit with a slight list to starboard!! This was soon rectified after a bit of frantic bailing by our second mate with a coke tin. Within a few minutes we were battling against rapids which, although the Mekong is at its lowest for years, were pretty fierce. Our skipper did a masterful job with the aid of his number 2 and a large bamboo punt which he used to lever us away from rocks and river banks whenever things got a bit hairy. After a brief stop to raise the propeller height, we soon ran into very shallow water and had to get out and push; a damned good soaking for us all apart from Anna who stayed on board cheering us all on! Apart from losing a section of the roof at one point, there were no other drama's during what turned out to a great trip and as we left the Mekong for the Nam Ou river we entered the Amonite Mountains and the scenery changed from pleasant to pretty remarkable. Think I'll let the pictures do the talking or I'll bore you to death. Arriving at the picturesque Nong Kieaw at just before 4pm, we scaled the steps up to the village then huffed and puffed across the footbridge where we found some great digs over looking the river - (Sunset something or other 80,000 kip - ensuite, hot water, balcony and hammock - great family run affair). A very short while after that we were drinking cold beer lao watching the sun setting beautifully on what turned out to be a cracking day.
(Travel info: for 100.000 kip this boat trip is an enjoyable alternative to the bus which is quicker and may turn out cheaper if you go all the way thru to Sam Neua. Nong Kieaw is an essential stoppover and to be honest, we would have stayed longer had we not ended up making up time after LP. There are plenty of trekking options and an English chap is currently developing a climbing operation on the impressive khasts which rear up at the sides of the river. This is run by Green Discovery who seem to have offices all over Laos. If you do the boat, be sure to take snacks and drinks as the only stops are riverside “pee pee stops”)

Day 2 Nong Kieaw - Vien Thong (25th feb)

Deciding against a “maybe 8,9,10 or 11 hour” chicken bus ride we stick a pin in the map and decide to break the journey by stopping in a place called Vieng Thong. We knew nothing about this place apart from the fact that it appeared to be about half way between Nong Kieaw and Sam Neua. But as I'd left a stiff neck and week long head ache back in LP, I was feeling my old Indiana Jones spirit return and just laughed off the prospect of a town full of barking dogs and sticky rice
(NB After I'd had the stiff neck, head ache and general feeling of nausea for a week I became convinced that my brain was being devoured by some nasty parasite but Anna soon pointed out that was unlikely as any parasite worth its salt would never waste its time on a meal that it could eat in about 5 minutes!!! hurumphhh!!)

Travel Info: If you visit Nong Kieaw be aware that the ticket office at the “bus stn” has a rather inconsistent and dubious pricing policy We paid 110,000 each from NK to Vieng Thong, while another guy paid 130,000 for twice the distance and 2 others paid 120,000 all the way from LP to Sam Neau, 3 times the distance!! - hurumphhh!!!! I think the chap must be boosting his pension fund, so perhaps try insisting that he fills in the duplicate book as is normal procedure or book in LP where it seems prices are more realistic.

Anyway, we accept that we've been stung and await the “maybe 11, maybe 12” oclock arrival of our charabang, which chugs in amidst a cloud of dust just before 12 and spits out George and Emily who we'd met in Vieng Phoukha and Luang Prabang - small world this Gringo trail!!! We compare ticket prices, I grumble a bit more but we're on board and on our way half an hour later bouncing around 10,000 mountain bends and through bamboo villages upto 1500m up the Amonite mountains. More fantastic scenery, much barfing in plastic bags and phlegm expulsion by the locals but we smile through it as the bus is not full so we can spread out and stretch our legs.
We're quite impressed by the rather elegant lady we assume to be the driver's wife, who collects cash and opens and shuts the bus doors with such panache; before almost every stop, she lowers her sun visor mirror, combs her long black hair, puts on a bit of lippy and generally titivates herself before hawking up an ear bursting, stomach churning mouth full of phlegm and gobbing it out of the window!!! All very endearing and unfortunately as much a part of life here as in many parts of Asia, I even see and hear the kids practicing their hawking techniques to try to imitate mum and dad!! While I do not mean to be in any way offensive, I still find it very hard not to be repulsed by the hawking up which is often the first sound you here every morning from here to deepest India.
Moving along from such distractions, the journey is okay but after 4 hours of mountain scenery and the wonderful ever waving, ever smiling children in every single village, I reach sensory overload and start to get restless. Anna seems content enough with her head rarely lifting out of her book :We both have different ways to avoid feeling billious on the twisting, jolting buses: I find it quite sickening to read and prefer my ipod and gawping around while Anna focuses on reading. Either way, we're both ready for a beer by the time we approach Vieng Thong and agree that unless it looks a total nightmare, we will stick to the plan and get off, in the event of a dog filled, dung heap with no sign of a Guesthouse, we would stay aboard and attempt to bribe the “Gobbing” bus conductress to take us further.
First siting is some newish tin roofs, indicating buildings other than bamboo houses, then a sign saying “Hot Spa”, we pass a few shacks which look a bit daunting and then I try my best to tell the driver to stop at a guesthouse, he looks a little confused but repeats “guest house...yes” and drives on through a one street kind of affair while George, Emily and Allesandro from Rome, shake their heads. The area looks ok to us, surrounded by rice paddi's and mountains, Anna and I nod to each other, we shout farewells and the bus spits us and our packs out onto a dusty market place while the locals look on with raised eyebrows.
The charabang rumbles of into the distance and once the dust settles we are quite happy to find a fairy tale castle right infront of us..........well, its a new looking, quite impressive structure with a reassuringly smart “Guesthouse” sign and we book straight in to find a stylish, clean, ensuite
room that costs us 50,000 kip (about 4 quid). Electric is only from 6 - 9 pm and the market opens at 6am but as the only bus leaves town at 7am we are unperturbed and head off for beers at the “City Pub”....well its a cute little street side cafe, with cold beer and great value food. We meet up with Maurice, an Aussie who we'd crossed swords with twice in the last week and a guy from Finland who pinched my lighter. We manage to drink the place dry before an early night.........................................1 am dog starts barking and carries on until I throw bricks at it..........it resumes its pointless yapping 5 minutes later and carries on until 0345 when the market traders arrive and begin banging, shouting and of course; hawking up...........NOT A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP!

Day 3 Vieng Thong - Sam Neua (Sat 26th feb)

Well I suppose we should have recognised the bad omens or been aware of the harbingers of traveller's doom that lurk behind things like howling dogs and blank eyed market traders who chop away at pigs, chickens, snakes and frogs, shaking their heads as we trudge away in search of the bus station at a ridiculously early hour, but we didn't! Instead of calling Scotty to beam us up, we feign smiles and arrive at the maybe “3 minutes away” bus dust bowl some 15 minutes later. We found nobody who even acknowledged any european style linguistic noises or responded to counting on fingers while pointing at watches and so put our faith in a smiley little guy who was operating a small bbq upon which he had skewers of only The Lord knows what. Eventually we found out that “Nescafe” is a universally accepted substitute for “Hello, nice to meet you, what time does the bus leave for Sam Neua please?” In return for our pathetic utterances we indeed received 2 cups of coffee and discovered that our “bus” would leave at “maybe” 8 oclock which was not too bad considering that it was only about 0530!! This smiley little guy and his excellent nescafe english somehow managed to make us smile and forget the fact that we were absolutely jaded,; we sampled his doughnuts, met his wife and of course discussed in nescafe english the only other apparently universally accepted word in this part of the world..................................Manchester United!!! Unfortunately for us this was to be probably the best part of our day! As the harbingers of doom howled and hooted I ignored them and realised that I'd left my tin mug back in Heartbreak Hotel. Facing a morning without a brew in my tin mug would be like a slow painful death and so I began a ridiculously Fawltyesque charge down the dusty track past school kids, dogs and blank eyed traders who strangely seemed to emit the soundtrack to The Omen (or was is Deliverance​​??). Much to Anna's amusement I returned with mug (Still in Basil mode) sweating my nads off and just beginning to expect that today was going to be a bummer!!
Correct!!!! An almost complete bummer in fact!! Not a chicken bus but a chicken minibus, full of hawking, vomitting locals, vegetables and livestock that did a Barnes Wallis impression along 150 km of the windiest most pot holed road that I can remember since Gokarna to Mangalore when I swore that me and chicken buses were through forever. The locals really do suffer on these rocky journeys: they barfed into bags, gobbed out of windows, piled bags of stuff ontop of us while we fought back nausea and battled to retain our sense of humour and all round continence.
Luckily it was only a 4 and a half hour ordeal and credit must go to Anna who preserved her dignity but nearly burst her bladder trying to hold out to the bitter end. Strangely enough it was only when we were 15 minutes from the journey's end that the driver stopped and all passenger, pigs, chickens, snakes and dogs rushed way to find somewhere to relieve themselves......all very odd and I can only suggest that this is to avoid paying for toilets at the next bus station.
(Anna: To be more exact I needed to loo after approximately 2 hours in to the journey, I got off the bus at one vilage while they picked up passengers and said 'toilet', looked desperate and without actually pulling down my drawers to suggest that I needed a wee there was no way he was going to understand me. I had to get back on the bus and go for another 2 and half hours all the while looking for places he could stop, there was nowhere, mountain to one side and a sheer drop on the other.......my god it took all of my strength and determination not to have an 'accident!)

Anyway, with only a modicum of poetic license, that tale leads us to Sam Neua, a blandish riverside town with very little to offer apart from nice wide streets (Suggesting to me that there is a garrison nearby), some average hotels, rats on sticks and what appeared to be badgers legs for sale on the market. A very dour but adequate flop house cost us 60,000 and we wished we'd had the balls to continue our horrible journey straight on through to Vieng Xai

Day 4 - Sam Neua to Vieng Xai. (27th Feb)

Pleased to say that our tuk tuk and minvanthing rides to Vieng Xai were uneventful, reasonably pleasant and over and done with by 9 am.
I'll let Anna describe Vieng Xai in full, I'll just say that it was worth every mile and every hour of discomfort that we encountered to get there.

Well the only way to describe Vieng Xai is serene. This was the worst bombed area in Laos from 1964 to 1973 and known as the Secret War. The statistics state that if you counted up all the bombs dropped in this time period it would equate to one bomb dropping every 8 minutes for 9 years. 9 years!!The Laos people were struggling for independence, they wanted to create a communist state and therefore set up the headquarters of the Loas Pathet Government in this area. Despite the bombing this was the most favoured area due to its border with Vietnam and also the fact that this area, especially this small town were, and still are surrounded by mountains containing natural caves. Around 220, 000 people lived in these caves for years, they burrowed through by night, which took months, in order to connect all the caves together Inside these caves the people built a hospital, a theatre, a printing press, kitchens, school for the children and housed thousands of people including the soldiers as they passed through the area. They could only go out at night and had limited food. They couldn't keep animals as the US pilots were ordered to bomb any areas with livestock, especially red or white chickens as these were easily seen from the air, and where there were chickens there were people. Many people died but most survived, and in 1973 their communist fight proved successful with the withdrawal of US air bombing.

The town was very clean, very quiet and set within this stunning range of mountains. We walked the 10 mins from the bus station and found some lovely bamboo huts, for 60,000 kip per night (4.66 pounds) with bathroom. We also found George and Emily from our trek earlier!!! They were nextdoor, and we agreed to celebrate Emilys birthday later that evening.

We took a guided bicycle tour through the town and visited 7 of the major caves. It was unbelievable and one of the most interesting and thought provoking experiences. During the tour we listened to a headset describing the experiences and history of this area. Some of the caves were humongous and very basic, some with concrete floors and well equipped. The last cave we climbed up to was truly the finale, a grand theatre built inside the mountain used for weddings, public meetings and celebrations.

We met George and Emily at the restaurant beside the lake and celebrated with some homemade chips, roasted pork and a couple of Laos beers! The local people were accepting of us and tourists in general, however they do not go out of their way, they are relatively new to tourism. Little or no english is spoken at all, once you have placed your order and received it they didn't bother us, in fact we had to literally go in search of someone to order more or to pay the bill, no pushy capitalism here! The prices however are not particularly cheap considering where you are....chips were 1.30, pork 1.50 and a plate of fried rice 1.40. A large beer Laos was 77p.

Vieng Xai to Na Meo : Loas border with Vietnam 28th February

Dave : Over our morning cuppa we clinked cups and said, “Hanoi by sunset or bust” or words to that effect, we actually had no idea where would end up or how we would get there!
Anna: An early start as we were advised to be at the bus station at 0700, we made it to find George and Emily tucking in to cabbage soup in the local cafe, they were then told to hurry the bus was leaving, Dave for a joke said, 'Get a doggy bag'...and they did!!!!!! They requested that the hotwater with cabbage in it be spooned into a bag so that they could take it on their bus!!!! Hard core? Skint? Mental? (Mind you, it is worth remembering that dear Georgy Boy thought the trekking grub in Vieng Poukha was “amazing” - gawd bless him!!!)
We started the day with a nice, but rather greasy omelette, which shortly after we mounted our tuk tuk for a 2 hour journey wanted to reappear with enormous frequency. The journey to the border was stunning, paddy fields, small villages, mountains.....but unfortunatley a very bumpy and windy rode, up and down, up and down and I spent most of it concentrating on not being sick,I have no idea how we managed it. We shared our journey with 3 local women who were very, very lovely. Dave helped them on with their bags, and I gave them mints and they were very warm, friendly people which is quite amazing really considering that they may have spent part of their life living in caves because of the West. (Dave: the oldest looking of these lovely ladies was my favourite, her smile and dignity, her lined but still beautiful face that could have told so many stories really moved me and when we shook hands to say goodbye, she gestured to a nice but humble looking house and I still believe she was inviting us to her home. Remember, all she saw was white, western tourists she did not know where we were from and of course we could easily have been American; it didn't matter to her and as Anna said, she was of an age that meant she would remember the war and what the west put her people through - quite thought provoking!!)
We eventully arrive at the Laos border where we have our passport stamped and are told to keep walking, all going smoothly so far. We had been informed that this was the least used border crossing so beware. We strolled for a bout 5 minutes thru no mans land and then into Vietnam at the Nam Xoi border. Again all was well at passport control except he ripped us off in our exchange of Kip into Dong. He informed us that a bus to Hanoi left the village at 12pm. God this was straightforward. We breathed a sigh of relief and right in front of us there was the bus! Excellent.........until we were told by the congregated border police that the driver wanted $30 each!!!! What????!!!!!!!
Dave: at this point we dug our heels in and refused to pay that much, dropped our packs and sat on them to make our stance crystal clear. I lit a smoke and talked rubbish with the border (or bored) guards and then we offered $20 which was turned down with a wry smile. With the nearest town 60km away but suspicions of a village nearby we strapped on our packs and walked off defiantly, telling each other not to look back. The village was,to be polite, a one street, tin topped dung hole with very little to offer apart from a very grubby toilet and some warm red bull. We looked at each other and quoted George Clooney in “Oh Brother where art thou”; TIGHT SPOT, YEP WE'RE IN A TIGHT SPOT!!! Giggling perhaps a little nervously we ignored the stares of the locals and tried not to look interested as the bus from the border rumbled slowly past and …... …... …....stopped a few yards from us. With stiff upper lips pushed well out we pretended not to notice as the driver and his cronie sat down near us........................I rolled another fag and hummed happily while Anna carefully tried to peel $40 from her secret wad in preparation for the final final offer........ “Tight spot, tight spot tight spot!”.........after having a puff on the conductors pipe (A horrible bamboo affair about 2 feet long and stuffed with dry, stinking local “tobacco” )
I coughed my guts up, made the locals laugh till they split their sides and eventually we got on the wretched bus for $20 each!!!

TRAVEL INFO: IT WAS NOT CLEAR WHETHER THIS BUS WAS A REGULAR SERVICE BUT IT WAS OBVIOUSLY THE ONLY CHOICE. IF YOU CHOOSE THIS BORDER CROSSING BE AWARE THAT YOU COULD EASILY GET STUCK HERE, NOT A PLEASANT PROSPECT!! IF THE BUS HAD LEFT, OUR TIGHT SPOT MAY HAVE GOT TIGHTER AND MORE UNPLEASANT. ALSO IT BECAME CLEAR THAT OUR FIRST BUS WAS NEVER BOUND FOR HANOI, AS IT WAS LOADED UP WITH TV'S, AND WE SUSPECT IT WAS ONLY CHANCE THAT ENABLED OUR DRIVER TO BRIBE THE SECOND BUS DRIVER TO LET US ON, THUS WE COULD HAVE BEEN STUCK IN THANH HOA WHICH MAY NOT HAVE BEEN WHAT THE DR ORDERED . WE PAID $20 EACH BUT IT PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH LESS, IF YOU HAVE TIME, FEEL FREE TO TAKE YOUR CHANCES WITH LOWER OFFERS.

Basically, an awful, cramped, bouncy ordeal that lasted far too long and found us 5 and a half hours later in a town called Thanh Hoa. All people, chickens pigs and ducks left the bus and a cargo of TV's was loaded on, we were loaded back on, we headed north (a good sign), saw signs for Hanoi ( a good sign), turned round and headed south ( a bad sign), realised we were going back the way we came (bad sign), got back to the bus stn (bad sign) got loaded on to another bus,
“This bus Hanoi, no money!!” was our explanation and off we jolly well went.....another cramped, horrible ordeal with just one chicken this time (unfortunately trapped under my rucksack).
After what seemed like a life time, having conversations with a local man who typed out his english in text on his mobile we eventually arrived in one piece (just) in the bright lights of Hanoi at 2105 hours, knackered and filthy, bad tempered and grotty, a mere 10 and a half horrible hours after leaving the border!! A victory indeed!!

---

Photos

Another day,another bus
Reunited with George nd Emily...again!

Planet coffee!
A very friendly chap at the bus station in Vieng Thong

Amonite Mountain view
One of a thousand twists in the road

Still smiling!
or is it a grimace?! Arriving in Sam Neua

Hmmmm...toilet
NOt what you want first thing in a morning, Sam Neua bus station

Vieng Xai
Cave Meeting room of the seven members of the Pathet Laos Communist Party

Party members house
Built after ceasefire, a bomb crater converted into a pond

Doggy bag cabbage soup?!!!!
Mental????

Leaving Laos.....
The final tuc tuc