Today I said my goodbyes at school. Strange, it doesn't feel like I have been here three weeks at all and yet the day when I first came to school seems so far away. I spent most of the day writing and handing out my thank you cards and saying goodbye to everybody. My last lesson went well although i would have liked to have had a little more work done in less time.
All in all the day felt strange. I left school late because I had to do one more interview for my research. That went well too so now I truly have nothing left to do but enjoy the last few days here and head home.
I feel extremely conflicted about leaving. Japan gives me the feeling that it is easier to be a calmer person, a person I sometimes very much long to be. Of course I am still outgoing but somehow I manage to contain it a little bit better than at home. Maybe it is because here everybody lives in their own little bubble when they are out in public. Maybe it is because the way of interacting with eachother is politer and softer here. Whatever it is, I try to follow And it seems to have a calming effect on me.
I would certainly not object to staying here longer. Yet now that I have said goodbye at school I feel strangely cut off. It feels as if a world I didn't completely belong to in the first place has now shut me out completely. I know, I know that sounds a little over dramatic but I don't know in what other way to describe it.
Now that the end of my trip is coming in sight I start feeling the pressures of things that still need arranging, things that I don't want to return to. I know that I have to but the urge to tell the entire world to just stuff it and to set out on a backpacking trip across the globe and to dance in the streets every step of the way becomes stronger every day.
Yet there are things that call me home. People I long desperately to see, people I have missed a lot. Much as I'd like the world to go by without me I know that I would regret it in the end. So for now I'm going to enjoy these last few days, then I will return home, but I have a strong feeling that I will visit Japan again. This trip was too good of an experience to not return.
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