Manado Bites: The Meaning of Life?

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The pitch black night swallows the headlights, and the driver leans the bus around curving roads with an overconfidence I wish I shared. One bend is marked by the swinging red lights of emergency vehicles. Instead of slowly moving past, the bus driver pulls the break and joins the policemen who are shining flashlights over a cliff overhanging into the void, no evidence of the vehicle that drove over the edge.

My seatmate is an old Malay Muslim woman with a beatific smile whose stumbling English is hard to understand, but we manage (I'm not complaining, I know even less Bahasa). She points to me and asks, "Melayu?" Advanced glaucoma reflects the lights of passing cars in her eyes. I explain, no, and why I look Asian; the explanation grows more concise with each telling. The remainder of the ride, she talks about her family in Johor Bahru. I can't say I understand much, but her chatter is soothing compared to the ride. It may be overnight, but we don't get a blink of sleep on our way back to Kinabalu.

Never Too Old to Dive

Next morning, I am one of the last passengers to board the small plane to Manado (after a layover in Singapore). I look behind to see why a group of passengers cheers only to realize they are applauding my pink splitfins. I laugh with embarrassment, and they introduce themselves as part of a Holland dive club named Sub Marine Stars.

"You must visit and go diving with us," an elderly man says.

"You will have to wear a dry suit!" The passenger behind me says.

". . . and you will only be able to see, maybe, three meters--"

"The sun reflects through the ice--beautiful!" I lose track of who's speaking.

The captain's tired voice announces a delay in a thick accent, "We have small technical problem and it will take this time to fix it," and he yawns over the speaker. A young girl with straw braids crosses herself with Hail Marys. The divers joke about the delay involving the captain's hangover.

The first elderly man asks, "How do you like split fins?"

"I like them, but I'm still a beginner so I can't give you an experienced opinion."

"I'm a beginner, too," he says.

"Oh?" Everyone laughs and a few nod unconvincingly with the inside joke.

"Yes, he only did a thousand plus dives?"

"Plus, plus?"

"Yes, beginner."

"Have to stop soon," he says, a little wistfully.

"Why?" I ask.

"Why else?"

"No, you don't."

"I like you," he grins and lightly punches me on the shoulder making everybody laugh again.

During take-off the talk diminishes. Out of sheer boredom I count the young girl's Hail Marys. She crosses herself, places her hands in prayer and bows forward. It's slow and methodical, and when she reaches nine, I stop counting and open my Stieg Larsson book.

Mmm, Avocado Chocolate

Indonesian Customs takes a long time. They fill up a full passport page with a beautiful visa sticker, but that also means less travel pages. I pay the $25 fee for the 30-day visa. The Sub Marine Stars wish me good-luck and head off to Lembeh.

I have no idea who I'm looking for until I see a sign with my name. A man stands with his wife and son holding identical grins as if they're posing for the perfect family portrait.

Reggy and Melly recently launched their homestay. I am their first foreign guest. During the short ride, their son teaches me Bahasa Indonesia. He brags about how he will be like his dad and how he misses his sick little brother who is staying with their grandmother. The unguarded affection is heartwarming.

I'm dubious when we pull in front of a hair salon. We walk through the entrance and out the back exit. Off to the left, we duck under laundry lines and walk over wooden planks to reach my room. Despite the unconventional entrance, the room is good for $15/night (+$5 for a second person). It feels homey with a nice-sized bed for one person, ensuite bathroom (cold water), and a desk.

"There are a lot of teenagers living here," Melly says, somewhat apologetically. Later, I learn that many adolescents loiter with not much to do because of high unemployment rates.

Melly drops me off at a nearby restaurant with wi-fi, and when I walk back in the dark, I'm surprised by the number of teenagers everywhere. Even the stores have an element of adolescence about them, which is why I take a photo of the "T-Shit Store." It's not something I would see on streets back in the States.

Melly and Reggy insist on taking me out for breakfast the next morning. They introduce me to a popular local veggie porridge mixed with noodles, buttered corn, and other local favorites whose names I've forgotten.

Melly blanches at Manado delicacies, but her husband grew up in Manado and goes, "Mmmm" when I ask about bat soup. If you research the Manado food market, you'll find photos of charcoaled dogs, rats, snakes, and Saran wrapped bats. I stick to coconut filled with brown sugar.

Reggy jokes, "Americans like sweets. Is that why they call each other sweetheart?" Melly rolls her eyes at his cheesy jokes, but smiles.

I reply, "No, it's because we have sweet hearts!" And they both roll their eyes and laugh at the awful pun.

The most curious drink is the blended avocado with coffee Reggy drinks. I try it, and no thanks, sorry. But, Melly insists that the chocolate-avocado shake is better and orders another.

I try the shake and, Different. Not bad. Not bad at all. It quickly becomes one of my new favorite drinks. Reggy pays the bill before I can pull out a rupiah and he says I will have breakfast with them again the following morning.

What Do You Want?

A good friend recommended the book Freakonomics, a study in incentives covering random case studies like what drives certain sumo wrestlers and teachers to cheat, and how much will parents pay for daycare?

I've always been curious at what drives people to certain actions. While traveling, I ask, "What does this person want from me? What do I want from them? Will this turn into an adventure or am I being scammed? Is this a good charity or a devious middleman? Can I get a better deal or am I taking advantage of this person?" It's pragmatism more than skepticism because everyone wants something.

Spiritual enlightenment, love, money, power, world peace, or dessert, we all want something and our objectives reveal a lot about a person.

"So, why the homestay?" I ask.

Instead of giving a quick and practiced answer, Reggy pauses to reflect.

He begins, "I have a friend, a Japanese-Filipino man who was very well-connected and wealthy. My friend was young and seemed to have everything until, one day, his wife was kidnapped. The people asked for a ransom, and he was willing to pay, but his friends in the government said it would be better if they took care of the situation.

"In the end, there was a shootout and his wife died in the crossfire.

"He loved her so much and now that she was gone all of his wealth and connections seemed meaningless. He asked himself, 'Why did this happen to me?' and disappeared. When I saw him again, he told me that he knew that his wealth was to blame.

"His life had been unbalanced and he advised me that in life there are three things: Time, Energy and Money.

"When you are young, you have plenty of energy and time to play, but you have no money.

"When you become an adult, you still have energy, and you must begin a career to make money, maybe raise children, but because you work there is no time to enjoy life.

"When you are old and gray, you can retire and find time and use the money you have saved, but you no longer have the energy.

"So, he told me, 'Live life now, so that all three are balanced.'

"At that time, we lived in Jakarta. When I worked, Melly would take care of the kids. And, when I returned home, she took off to work. We never saw each other. After what my friend experienced, I knew we needed to make a change. I asked Melly if she would be willing to move to Manado because time moves slower here, and we may not make as much money, but we would be able to spend more time together and with the children. This is why, four months ago, we opened the homestay in Manado."

The story is sobering. A tragic story on life's brevity and a poignant telling of what incentive drives Reggy and Melly. Beyond words, it's plain to see that they did not take each other for granted.

I later ask, "You've been together a long time. Any advice?"

They mentioned religion as one reason (which I don't emphasize because I don't follow a religion), but Reggy also says, "We always love each other, but when we argue, that love shrinks and becomes so small that we forget it is there. I made Melly promise me," and he looks at her, "no matter how mad you are, you must always let me hug you. That's the one thing you must always let me do."

It's cheesy, but they act like teenage lovebirds and I find it fascinating because relationships are tough.

Reggy continues, "We discussed how we easily forgive our friends when they forget something, but when it comes to each other, we yell over the smallest things. So, we agreed to treat each other better than we treat our friends. And, when we have arguments we don't take it to family or friends. We used to, in the beginning, but it always made matters worse. Now, we keep our troubles to ourselves and talk to one another to resolve them."

Sinar Berkat Stay

The homestay is comfortable with A/C to stay cool in the sweaty humidity. The only downside is neighboring teenagers playing music all night with Lady Gaga pounding through the bathroom window.

The next breakfast, Reggy tries to pay again, but I snatched the bill. "Really, you won't make any money if you buy your customers breakfast all the time!"

Melly asks how the accommodation has been, and I reply, "It was great, thanks." But, I'm nagged by the image of more sensitive (or insensitive) travellers putting up a tantrum because of the pounding music and other small details.

I extrapolate, "I think most adventurous backpackers looking for a budget room will be satisfied, but, to be completely honest, I stayed up much of the night because of the music. It might be a bigger problem for other travellers." I feel like an ass and am relieved when Melly, instead of being insulted, smiles and says the suggestions are helpful.

When I think back on Sinar Berkat Stay though, I don't think of the music. I think, the accommodation may not be "perfect" yet, but the conversation left me profoundly moved. Reggy and Melly's unrestrained generosity in introducing me to family, local food, history, culture, and personal anecdotes left a greater impression than most four or five-star hotels.

I wonder how Reggy's family will do in Medan in the long run. I asked him for permission to write our conversations and readily agreed to include their contact info in exchange (Reggy: [phone], [phone], [e-mail]; Melly: [phone], [e-mail]).

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Photos

Reggy & Melly
Sinar Berkat Stay hosts

Manado
Local porridge with veggies and noodles

Random Manado Store
There's something about the stores in Manado that makes it feel like they're run by teenagers. And, really, teenagers are everywhere (like I said in the blog, this is blamed on low employment rates).

Manado Waterfront
Looking out to Bunaken. There was unfortunately trash strewn all along the coast. If Indonesia, in general, littering is very prevalent.

Comments

[deleted_49612]

LOL
LOL!

[deleted_49612]

My boyfriends comment, about this photo.
Now that\'s honesty in marketing for you ;-)