Groping

---

Groping in India is a very serious problem for all women, Indians and foreigners. If you are blond, then it’s ten times worse. This is NOT the case in Kerala. I’ve heard that it’s also pretty grope-free in Tamil Nadu but I didn’t go there so I’m not sure. Of course, there is always the odd groper in Kerala because there are many northern Indians travelling or living in southern India. I’ve heard of Indian women who have learned to deal with gropers using many methods. One woman carries a needle and will stab any hand that comes near her as you can’t really see the culprit, only the hand. Groping usually happens really fast, when you least expect it, and almost always surreptitiously. These guys are experienced and know how to get away with it. Here are a few tips. Never sit in the aisle seat because men passing by will brush their hand down your breast. This happened to me twice and I never sat in the aisle again. If I had to sit in the aisle, I would put my backpack up in front of me, covering my breasts. In fact, it’s a good idea to wear your daypack in the front while walking around crowded places to avoid being groped.

The metro/subway trains in Mumbai always have cars reserved for women so when you go to a station, just find the area where all the women are standing and get on with them. And this is a good rule for anywhere else you go. Just band together with all the women so you can sit or stand with them. I found that on buses, you can demand for a woman to sit beside you and people will comply. One time, on a bus, I got angry because I had to sit beside a guy and the guy felt bad so he kept his distance the whole way. However, on another bus, the guy beside me put his whole side against me and I asked him to back off; he did but then, minutes later, he was on me again. I had to ask him repeatedly to back off and finally, near the end of the trip, he stayed off me. It was a long grueling hour. Once, on a train, I was standing and talking to a young Indian girl near the aisle as we were waiting for the train to leave. People were just starting to get on the train and many people passed by in the aisle. There was plenty of room as it wasn’t crowded yet. Three guys walked by from behind the girl (she never saw them coming) and the first one put his hand fully on her breast and paused, smiling to his friends, proudly showing what he was doing, and then they kept walking. By the time she reacted, it was too late. She was very embarrassed and said, “it happens all the time” meaning don’t worry about it, it’s nothing. I was so disgusted.

In Kerala, things are very different. I was at a bus stand and this guy looked at his watch, got very angry and shouted, “the bus is 2 minutes late!” What? I don’t even do that in Toronto! They say Kerala has a 94% literacy rate and I believe it because even the farmers, when they get up in the morning, the first thing they do is read the newspaper. Everybody knows their rights. I was at a train station in Kerala, waiting in line to buy a train ticket and everybody waited orderly in the queue. A few guys came in and went straight to the front of the line (they were obviously from another state) and tried to buy tickets but everybody in line started screaming and shouting at them and booted them from the ticket window. Hooray for Kerala! Groping doesn’t happen in Kerala because everybody behaves in public and expects others to behave.

When I was in Nepal, I met a very blond and blue eyed girl who was huffing and puffing about how much she hated Indians because of the groping and the non-stop harassment from people trying to sell her stuff. We were walking on the street as she vented and talked about how Indians just don’t leave you alone even though you tell them repeatedly that you’re not interested. As she said this, a guy came up to us and wanted us to buy his wares. We said no and continued to walk and talk. He followed us and kept asking us to buy something and wouldn’t go away. My friend turned around and said to him, “What’s the matter with you, are you Indian or something?” The guy said happily and proudly with a very big smile that, yes, he is from India. We all burst out laughing. Another time, with the same girl, we were walking again on a crowded street and a guy just came up to her and started rubbing her thigh and was pretty upfront about it. Again she got angry and asked him if he’s from India, and again, he said happily that he was. She went to Nepal to get away from them but apparently, she didn’t go far enough.

Of course, all this is what I personally experienced but I spoke to many Indians and they confirmed my experience. In case you’re wondering, I’m Chinese and in my 40’s. I do not have big breasts, I am ordinary looking, I always wear loose, comfortable clothing (mostly MEC when travelling), and I always dress very conservatively. In fact, my clothes are quite ugly by any standard, unisexual and usually of dull colours. I have always tried to be as inconspicuous as possible in public (Confucianism is in the genes). However, I’m a hardcore backpacker and always try to mix in with the local population which has the reverse effect of making myself stand out sometimes. In general though,the groping men came from behind me so they never saw my face first. They just know that it’s a woman and that’s all they need to know.

---