Mumbai

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Well finally, my first blog entry! It has been a struggle to find a computer that actually works here so better late than never im afraid.
So......
We set off on the 2nd at about 10pm for a fairly uneventful flight apart from me being upset with the curry dinner that blew my head off followed by a wierd fainting fit about halfway through the flight which i put down to too much celebrating leaving england and a cold. Virgin were mean spirited and wouldnt even let me faint in first class but instead just let me sit amongst all the half eaten curry tins down the back of the flight with an oxygen mask on (which was quite nice) with my feet up on a bin. Hardly relaxing, but they were all very nice, especially Rob, an english paramedic going to Goa who was helpful even though he had drunk the equivalent of a box of free red wine. Maybe thats why the flights are more expensive as its free booze all the way!
Anyway, after the brief excitement of me nearly dying mid flight, we arrived in Mumbai or as i like to call it, the biggest shithole i have ever had the privledge to visit.
Our taxi took an hour and a half to get to our hotel, during which we saw some of mumbai's hot spots, a few of which being:
1. Asias largest slum. Just a giant sprawling mass of shanty towns and filth that you can smell before you see it. You can go on a 'slum tour' to visit if you choose as apparently half the dirty washing in mumbai gets sent there for them to clean so they can earn the equivalent of 2p a week. Crazy.
2. People shitting in the street.
I assumed this was a kind of urban myth before somone pulled down their trousers and crimped one out about a metre away from our taxi.
3. Beggars.
Crowding round the cab trying to sell anything from flowers to a copy of India Vogue from 2004. They swarmed round the car and pressed themselves up against teh club which really creeped me out. I dont even like going through car washes as i think the brushes will break through the glass and it was a similar feeling. Luckily the cab sped off and all the window lickers left far behind.

We arrived at our hotel relatively unscathed but dirty and hot as its was about 40 degrees and really humid. The hotel was basic and quite spacious but the shared bathroom compromised of this dimly lit room with a flickering lightbulb like something out of a horror movie which was down the hall. I actually think it may originally been a cupboard that they tiled and stuck a shower head in, but it did the job. Fully refreshed we headed out to sample Colaba, the district in far south mumbai which is supposed to be the liveliest one to visit. It became apparent when we went outside that when the guide tells you to dress conservatively and wear trousers thee may actally be a reason for it. Being 40 degrees i chose to ignore the book and wear shorts which was an obvious error given the attention we received. Everyone stares which is fine but its the crowding and constant harrassment that really fucks you off after a while. They follow you, take pictures of you, jostle you and generally just piss you right off. Admittedly two western girls are always going to stick out like a sore thumb but Cathrines low cut vest and my shorts were as good as having a sign up saying " Here we are! Come and molest us!" Amittedly it was 5.30pm on a friday night and all the men congregate in that one spot to chat and smoke after work so we definitely picked our moment to anounce our arrival.
To escape from them all, we went to a nice looking bar and had some dinner, somehow managing to eat in one of Mumbai's finest restaurants. In Indigo we managed a five star two course meal with plenty of alcohol for fifteen pounds each. a bargain by western standards but well over our budget ( a recurring theme whilst here).
We then went to another bar and had a 'nightcap' beer which again is obviously not the done thing as the curious bar man got all the staff to come and have a look at us drinking. Apparently Indian bars are dominated by men and women have to stay home and do the washing instead of having a socail life.
The next day we decided to take a boat trip out to Elefanta. or Elephant Island. which is a fishing island about an hours journey out of the harbour. The people on the boat took full advantage of the fact that we were stuck in our seats for an hour, in particular a grubby but quite friendly man with a wooden hand who took the oppertunity to pimp us out to anyone who wants a photo of us or with us. I say with us because he used the seat next to me to get members of his family or friends to sit next to us and pose for a photo. For the next hour we had a constant stream of people coming over and posing, most of whom stank. The stench of BO is very common over here, but i wa ssweating into a puddle on the floor so will let them off. It was really nice to get out of the city and saw numerous animals on the journey, the best being a flying fish and a sea snake, which also could have been an eel, myself not being great at recognising animals. ( Until last year i thought a sloe worm was a snake) Anyway we landed on elefanta, fought our way through the beggers to be allowed five minutes in a pitch black cave before being told they were closing for the day. Thoroughly ripped off we were walking back when a storm blew up out of nowhere. The sky went black and the wind started blowing really hard and i started to get nervous at the thought of the journey back on the boat. I really started to get nervous when teh indians started running for the boat shouting "GO, GO!" . So i promptling starting shitting myself and legged it with them to the docks and jumped on the boat minutes before it left. I still managed to get a photo of a monkey so was chuffed with that. We then had to endure i very long journey back to Mumbai in a rickety boat while a thunder and lightening storm raged around us, not helped but Catherine wondering out loud if we were going to a) drown b) get electrocuted c) if it was even possible to get electrocuted d) if the boat would catch fire if we were struck by lightening e) if her lifeguard certrificate level 2 would be enough to save us. Not a girl to have with you in a tight spot. I just sat there shitting myself at being unable to swim if we did get into trouble. Anyway, it blew out and we got back to the harbour in time to enjoy a beautiful sunset over the Gateway to India.
Unfortuanately this was ruined but the beggars who were waiting for us to get off the boat. I had got used to this by now as i am typically mean spirited and ignore them all (which is strange as i love giving money to tramps in the uk) but Catherine has a harder time with them as she talks to them, lets them put stuff in her hand and generally fels sorry for them so of course they trail round after her and leave me in peace. I am sure she will harden up after another few days. We finished our last night in Mumbai with a meal at Tendulkars restaurant. Apparently he is a famous cricketer, but knowing nothing about ricket, this only became apparent after seeing cricket balls everywhwere as i am always slow on the uptake! Again, this place was very posh and a pub grubber like me felt a little unomfortable with it, especially as they silver served the dinner and you werent allowed to even top your own glas up. Also they brought out these corn crisp things to start and were obviously committing some gross social eror as they were trying not to stare as we ate. It was a bit of a minefield really as i spent alot of time desperately trying not to use my left hand. or the poo hand as i call it as this is very uncouth. Indians use the right hand for eating and the left one for wiping their arses. I poceeded to embarass myself entirely whilst trying to eat a curry and gave them all a good laugh im sure in the kitchen. Not being a massive fan of indian food i am trying to get into it but am suffering from curry overload. I had curry on the plane on the way over which was horribly hot but probably considered very mild here, followed by breakfast on the plane which was also curry. I was completely turned off by the cury so just ate what i though were small bread rolls but turned out to be filled with curry. I also ordered a vegetarian club sandwich in a cafe which turned out to be curry too so played it safe and ate a pizza yesterday. So typically english!
Anyway, i had the trots all the next day and nearly puked on the plane to Goa. Desperate to get out of Mumbai, our best option was the plane which we got to after a hairy taxi jouney in some beat up old lada type car with psycadellic floor to ceiling carpet that stalled three times and broke down once. We never though it would be easy.....
Anyway, am now in Goa so will write another entry soon.

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