In which our hero considers the art of doing nothing.

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March 13th 2016
Published: March 29th 2016
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Walking a slack line
What I’m about to say may be offense to you if you are the kind of person who takes offense on other people’s behalf even if the people on whose behalf you are offended are not, in fact, themselves offended (so pretty much if you are a white person). Bengalis have astoundingly little work ethic. They don’t get to work until 11:00, they take a two hour lunch at 1:00, and they leave at 5:00. It’s insane. And just to make sure you don’t strain yourself, anytime anyone comes into your office, you take a tea break together. I’m not sure how anything ever gets done.

Bengalis, however, will be the first to admit that this is exactly the case. They even have a word for sitting around doing nothing: Adda. And man do they love them some adda. You can do adda in the morning or evening. You can do it drinking beer or tea or playing cards or talking politics or just doing nothing but adda. You usually do it in groups, and unless it is planning your group’s float for the Durga Puja festival you generally don’t do it as a goal-oriented activity.

Protest 1Protest 1Protest 1

If you've heard about the massive student protests, here you go. If you haven't, follow world news better: this is important!

The only thing that anyone takes seriously it seems, is preventing me from buying a cell phone. It is ridiculously difficult to buy a phone in India (not as hard as getting a bank account apparently, but still pretty darn hard). I get than in a place where terrorism is as big of a threat as it is in India, things like burner phones are a huge security risk and any sort of communication technology merits at least some security guidelines, but the amount of signing and co-signing and document checks was just insane. To boot, the store clerk at the cell phone store is the “expert graphologist” who checks that my signature matches my passport. And he claims they don’t match. As if I were going to create a fake ID and choose the last name “Charbonnet.” Elizabeth on the other hand he approves right off the bat, even though she misspells our last name in her signature. Honestly, she spells it Chabommet. The guy lets it go though. Me, he makes me re-sign 12 times to practice making it look like my passport signature. As if more practice at this point is going to change

When they have an effigy of you, you knkow they hate you Mr. Prime Minister.
my signature.

The other thing Bengalis devote their full effort too is creepily staring at Elizabeth. The other day I got sick of some dudes were staring at her so I told them to “suck a cock.” They mistook what I said for “Salman Kahn,” the name of a famous Indian movie star! They got very enthusiastic and started shouting back to me something about Salman Kahn and Bollywood. Sometimes man, you just gotta go with it and let them do their adda.

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Funny Translation 1

Not sure if I'd rather have the chicken Tit Bit or the Chicken Internet. Both sound so appetizing.
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Funny Translation II

The leaked name of the next star wars movie: ANUS AND HAN.
Still Celebrating...Still Celebrating...
Still Celebrating...

Christmas in mid-March. Good on ya, Bake Paradise. Redeeming lazy husbands everywhere.

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