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Published: August 15th 2008
Park Lane Cemetery caretakers
These two were totally charming and were exactly like the old men in the balcony on The Muppet Show - one was deaf, the other missing most of his teeth - they were like an old married couple and had me in stiches. Well, except when they were warning me about every scam and horror story in Calcutta! I loved them - just wish they lived in London, so I could take them out for tea every week. ( 20 photos)
So...Calcutta. Don't know where to start. It's like nowhere I've ever seen in India, totally unique. That's the good part. Arrived after midnight and it seemed half the population were out on the streets - sleeping on sacks of vegetables, loading trucks in the middle of the road, walking around, drinking tea, chatting - ....the city that never sleeps....or is that New York? It's so chaotic, it's actually indescribable.
A small illustration of my limited Calcutta experience so far - it says nothing about Calcutta, but on the other hand, seems to say everything...
I walked around for almost 6 hours today, ended up filthy with monsoon rain and muck from the streets, so decided to treat myself to a coffee at Barista on Park Street (woman cannot live by chai alone, and all that). Clean, normal, no surprises....that's what I wanted.
Get a sandwich and a coffee. Sit down and see a very happy dog with a bouncy tail walking left, past the plate glass window. I'm eating my sandwich and batting away a couple of flies who want a bite. Suddenly, I notice a very large cockroach sliding along the wall, trying to be incognito,
South Park Street detail 1
A cemetery seems the best possible place to try out the sepia function on my camera..... like an assassin. I stamp my foot, hoping to chase it away, but instead it runs towards me like it has been catapulted from a yard away.
I jump up, and back away from the table. I try to catch the manager's eye, but he's busy attempting to stop a customer from walking out. I stare at the happy dog walking past the window, now going right.
Suddenly, I realise there's a mighty rucus going on in the upstairs seating area, between a crowd of Indian girls. They are screaming viciously at each other, but my cockroach trauma had obviously deafened me to a minor matter like a few women killing each other.
The man who is walking out is arguing too now, saying he didn't come in for a quiet coffee, just to be surrounded by screaming harridans, or something like that. I'm still standing behind the manager and considering getting some attention by hitting him over the head with my saucer, because I can see that cockroach knows fear when he smells it and oblivious to everyone else, it's now scuttling round me in ever-decreasing circles.
Upstairs, the screaming is continuing, the manager is shouting to be heard
Detail
I came here to look for a particular grave - James Achilles Kirkpatrick - but he isn't buried here after all. The two old men gave me an address where I might find a memorial, but said that hundreds of people come every year to ask for the grave... over the girls and the walking out man is screeching over everyone. I, on the other hand, am mute with fear.
It's the biggest cockroach I've ever seen and that includes the two mammoths I once found in my room in Athens. I look at my now cooling grilled sandwich, and then at the window. The happy dog with the bouncy tail is walking past, going left.
Finally, the assistant realises what is wrong with this woman standing in a corner whimpering and makes a very half-hearted attempt to stamp on the coackroach, but it's obvious he doesn't want to have to deal with the messy aftermath that will be stuck to his shoe and he misses everytime.
The manager is now pleading with the man not to leave. 'But what can I do Sir, the girls are fighting..." he says and throws up his hands. I realise he is afraid of the girls upstairs. Downstairs I am afraid of the cockroach. We are all afraid, except for the cockroach and the walking out man, and he's just angry.
Finally, the walking out man walks out and takes his girlfriend with him. I watch the cockroach hugging the wall right
next to my chair. It's waiting. The screaming upstairs quietens down. The cockroach strolls - taking his time now - over to the counter area.
I return to my table to find both flies are devouring my cold sandwhich. I decide to finish my coffee and sit down. A minute later, I see the cockroach has taken up residence next to my shoe, slowly moving in for a tactial terror move - something clever, like running over my foot when I'm not looking.
He's invincible now and he knows it- he can see I'm a wimp and no-one else is going to stop him. I balance my feet on the central pedestal of the table, about a foot off the floor, sip my cold coffee and wait for the next move. Outside, the happy dog jaunts past, going right, a small part of my Calcutta twilight zone...
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Explorer Ifte
non-member comment
Excellent Post!
Hi! Great post...though we have much more to show you of the city on our walks. Have a look at the website www.calcuttawalks.com and let me know what you think. Warm regards.