I just want a hug, a big hug…

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Asia » India » Uttar Pradesh » Varanasi
October 21st 2005
Published: October 24th 2005
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You think the only people who are people are the people who look and think like you, but if you walk the footsteps of a stranger you learn the things you never knew, you never knew…

- Colors of the Wind from Pocahontas.

For those of you who know me you know that I really don’t share my emotions at all. Maybe that’s why its so hard to write anything, because it was a very emotional trip….I don’t know how to describe everything that I saw, heard, did, and smelled in India, because it’s nothing like I’ve ever known before. I did a lot of traveling with early (4am) mornings, and late (11pm) nights. The 4 days that I spent up north felt like 2 weeks because we did so much, in such a short amount of time. My brain is trying very hard to process everything that I have just experienced. Right now, I think I just need sleep and time. If I ever figure it out, (how to write about my experience in a coherent way) I’ll let you know. I think right now all I need is sleep and time for my brain to catch up with the rest of my body… Tomorrow we get to Myanmar, maybe if I have time after Myanmar I will have a better idea of how to talk about India. I just want to leave you with a poem that hits home with me. I would like to take credit for it but cant because I didn’t write it, but it’s right on…

“Don’t Give To the Beggars”

Don’t give to the beggars, they said,
So I didn’t, and my heart ached
As I turned and walked away
From a 4 year old starving child.

Don’t give to the beggars, they said
So I hid my money and walked away
From a thin mother and her two children,
Carrying all my packages…

Don’t give to the beggars, they said,
So I pushed away the little children
Don’t give to the beggars, they said,
So I laughed and nervously as a leper
Clutched at my friend,
Laughed because it was easier
Than to cry

Don’t give to the beggars, they said,
So I walked for blocks,
Trying to ignore the kids at my side
Running away instead of staying to help.

Don’t give to the beggars, they said,
I thought I hadn’t, but I was wrong…
I did give, each and every time…
A part of me, naïve to the pains of others,
To the horror of others.

I gave them my innocence
And they gave me their pain
And after India
I will never be the same.

-anonymous, F90 SAS voyage


24th October 2005

A Hug for u
Take your right hand and put it on your left shoulder ... now take your left hand and put it on your right shoulder .... then SQUEEZE really hard ... theres a big hug from me to you !! Luv Ya xo
24th October 2005

What you're feeling
Nicki, I can't even begin to imagine the things you've seen and felt while in India. Just from the tone of your blog, it seems as though it was quite eye-opening, a reality check. I also sense your compassion and hurt for those you came in contact with. The poem you quoted, says it all. I can't help but feel how truly blessed we are , not by our own doing, but by God's grace. I'm sure everything has been etched in your mind, like a snapshot from one of your cameras. When you've slept and deciphered everything, be sure to let us know more. We knew this voyage would change you and your attitudes regarding the world. It sounds as though India has been a very large part of that process. Love ya. Hugs!!! Pops
24th October 2005

After reading your blogs I WILL NEVER be the same...
25th October 2005

Out of India
Oh sweet Nicki, This latest blog is a heart breaker and I am not surprised at all. India is such a poor, backward country and with many too many people for too many years. I can imagine your tears. I recall the work that Mother Theresa put her life's work to in an attempt to recue the many starving people. I recall another story from a freind of mine who had gone there with the peace corps several years back with baby formula for the starving children to be distributed to the many mothers. They would hand them a scarf full to take home, provide it at no charge, with training how to mix it for their dying infants. But, within that culture, the mothers felt they should not feed "that" to them and would just let it slip away along the road home: dust in the wind. Such frustration! I ache for you seeing the starving people of the world up close and know from my own experiences as close as Mexico, what a culture shock "real poverty" is for us. We were all raised with such abundance that is hard to appreciate until the fact of how the rest of the world struggles hits us in the face one day. Be strong and count your blessings one more time my sweet. I don't claim to understand it, but recognize the deep pain of being in the ocean of sinking people and not able to do much about it. You were aware so young before too. Blessings to you. Uncle Bob and I are putting together some Christmas boxes for children around the globe. It is with our church and involved with the Samaritans Purse organization you got your Christmas gift going to a few years back. It blew away your Uncle Bob with your generous heart years ago refusing more for yourself and donating to them instead. Seek and you shall find such extremes in the undeveloped countries particularly. Be proud to be from the USA, who helps everyone in every way we can. Poverty is too sad for words, yes, but you are a talented film documentarian. Gods gifts and the impact of that media can be the best story teller of all. We do pray for you. Love, Aunt Becky xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxxoxoxxoxx!
25th October 2005

Wow you've spoken volumes with few words. Ilove you. Aunt Nettie
26th October 2005

Hi Nicki, Just got around to reading my mail. This trip to India seems to have made quite an impression on you. Hard to believe there are people in the world living as they do. Until you see these things do you realize how good the Lord has been to us and Anericans in general. We can all thank God for the life we have. We can also appreciatae more what missionaries do for these people and even the help our government gives to other nations. You take care, stay safe and God Bless you. I'm sure you will have quite a story to tell when you get home. Luv ya. Grandma
26th October 2005

Look through the eyes of Jesus
Nicki, God has you right where He wants you. This trip is not by chance but by God's divine plan. His plan for you right now is to experience this trip to the fullest. All the tastes, sights, sounds and smells. The high points and the low points. What will matter most is what you do with it when you return home. There is still more to see and more of what you experienced in India as you travel to Myanmar and Vietnam. As you travel this globe look for Jesus and the hope He gives, feel His presences in the lives of the people. And give yourself time to digest all you see, do and hear. I love you, Hugs and Kisses, Mom
28th October 2005

i missssssss u!!!
i got your postcards in the mail a while ago...and i hv completely forgot u hv this travelblog(sorry~). its so good to hear from u, this past 2 months hv been pretty rough for me, n getting your postcards just made me smile =) thx so much! hope everything is going well for u! xoxo n a big hug from me!
3rd January 2011


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