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Published: March 9th 2013
(I wrote this about a week ago and have been meaning to edit it before posting it. However, I have giving in to the fact that I probably won't find the time to do this. So hear it is in the raw...)
It feels like everything is about to change.
Four of the volunteers, two of whom have been here the whole time I’ve been, are leaving. Three more leave next week. The tests that I have been teaching towards will be over in two weeks time (at least for my subjects); I will have an almost entirely new schedule starting a week from Monday.
What grounding I have found here is feeling shaky.
All this change is happening about half way through my time here. How strange it is to think that I have been here for two months. It has gone by so quickly. So much has happened. And even stranger to think that I will be here for two more months. Especially as I cannot imagine what it will be like now that those to whom I have grow close will be gone and many of my classes will change.
I have been taught that every group follows the same pattern when they form. First, the group forms and gets to know each other in a very basic way. Then the group storms: people test boundaries and conflicts arise. Next, if the group is healthy, they will normalize; boundaries will be established and conflict can be resolved when it arises. At this point, the group is formed and functioning.
But here, because there are always people coming and going, I feel like it is impossible to get normalize. I feel that boundaries are inevitably unclear, that there isn’t an effective way to solve conflict. This instability makes progress feel unattainable.
But, when my head is clear, when I have slept enough, when I take time to look up at the sky and down at the smiling faces of the kindergarteners asking me make an elephant noise…when I do this, I feel excited about what is in store for me. I will have the opportunity to come close to even more students. A chance to meet new challenges inside and out of class. More time to be alone and read or walk or simply think.
Enough clarity of mind to see the beauty of what has been and the opportunity of what is to come.
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