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Published: September 23rd 2009
I am now in Thanjavur, which is famous for its breathtaking temples and incredible statues. The temples are huge and I think they are just as beautiful as the churches in Rome and Venice. The exterior is so intricately designed that every part of the wall has some type of design on it, there isn’t an empty space. The interior is full of statues of gods. Hinduism has over 100,000 gods!! I went to this Hindu museum and finally learned about all the important gods. It took me forever to find out who the ultimate god was because whenever I asked somebody who the ‘#1 god’ is, they’d all tell me something different. They’d say Vishnu, Siva, Krishna or some other name. I guess it’s because they all think the different gods are most important. Anyway, I finally found out who is the God of Gods, and his name is Brahma the creator. He has four faces and he rocks!
Anyway, the reason I titled this blog facing my biggest fear is not because this is a scary place but because my dad has left India and I am finally alone. Being alone has always been a kind of fear
for me, it was something that made me uneasy. I guess this is why I constantly surround myself with people that I love. So if is something that I fear, why the hell am I voluntarily throwing myself into that situation? Simple. This is the only way that I can overcome it. I read somewhere that overcoming your fear is a form of happiness and I completely agree with it. Throughout my life, I’ve faced my fear instead of running from it because that was the only way to conquer it:
Fear of heights- I used to be petrified of heights to a point where I would hyperventilate and my knees would shake uncontrollably. So I decided to do all the scariest things involving height: Ride most hardcore rollercoaster rides, skydive, swing across a gorge, jump off cliffs into water, hang-glide, and finally, doing the 3rd highest bungee jump in Africa. Fear is conquered!
Fear of darkness- Not being able to see anything really scared the shit out of me. I decided to conquer it by going on those night adventures into some unknown area with only 1 flashlight or sometimes none. You guys know what I’m talking
about because all of you have done it with me. It always turns out fun.
Fear of rejection- I hated the idea of being rejected so much that it would stop me from ever trying. A special someone helped me get over that. The minute I saw Maggie, I promised myself that I would do whatever it takes to make her mine and that meant facing possibility of rejection. Actually, tons of rejections… I asked her to prom in junior year, she rejected me. She was supposed to show up for my birthday party… never showed up. She doesn’t remember this but we previously set up a date but she stood me up for Rosalie’s dinner party! haha Thankfully, Nina was there for me or else I would’ve been alone. And then when I finally grew the balls to ask her out officially, she said, “ I have too many things to juggle at once but this doesn’t mean it’s a No, let’s give it a month and I’ll give you a real answer.” I did everything I could possibly think of to win her heart during that month. Finally, on Oct. 4th, (almost 5 years ago) she took
a chance and said yes. I pretended like I couldn’t hear her and made her shout it, “Yes!” After so many rejections and No’s that I had to go through, that one ‘Yes!’ made all my fears of rejection go away, hehe.
And now, I have one last fear that I have to overcome. The biggest fear of them all: loneliness. I made this decision to go on this journey alone so that I could find myself but also to make sure I absolve this fear of mine. Confucius once said, “The benevolent is fearless” This is the idea I strive to be. I want to transform loneliness into solitude so that I can be fully comfortable with self. It’s not an easy task, especially when you guys are all on my mind and that I am starting to miss you. But facing this fear of mine will make me stronger and hopefully be the final piece to making me fearless. Loneliness can be a sad feeling sometimes but I also think it’s the ultimate form of being free. Nobody to tell you what to do or sway your decision in any way. What I feel like doing, I
absolutely can do it. Don’t worry about me, I will be experience freedom more than I will be experiencing loneliness!
People treat their fears as something really personal because they feel others will see it as a weakness. Not at all. It’s only a weakness if you refuse to believe that you have the power to overcome it. All it takes is courage. So when you leave me a comment this time, tell me the fear that you used to have and how you overcame it, then tell me a fear you have right now! I won’t make it public if you don’t want me to but there’s really nothing to be ashamed of!
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