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WARNING sensitive subject matter contains references to bodily functions. If you are of a delicate disposition then it might be wise not to read this.
Whether urban myth or first hand there are plenty of people willing to tell you about their experiences after eating a dodgy meal in India. India is notorious for inflicting the occasional case of food poisoning on travelers. We all hear the warnings about not drinking the local water and to be cautious of salads etc but its often the unseen danger "personal hygiene" that would appear to be the culprit when it comes to introducing your intestines to new bacteria or parasites. You can order food as safely as possible making sure that things are fresh and well cooked but if the guys in the kitchen are a little to relaxed with their food handling techniques then its just a waste of time. In the western world where standards on food preparation, handling produce, storage and personal hygiene are monitored and expected we rarely have to be concerned with where we eat or who prepares it. Everybody in the food industry has to meet the same level of delivery, unfortunately this is not the case in developing countries. Quite often in India the kitchens are manned by young men with no formal training and a slightly different level of acceptance when it comes to personal cleanliness. While I can only suspect that this is where the nasty little bugs originate I think in the spirit of Florance Nightingale its a good starting point. Even if these boys are washing their hands regularly then they sure aren't washing them in filtered water they are using what comes out of the tap, well or hand pump out on the street. In this trip I haven't met anybody who hasn't had a bout of something. Some people who consider themselves to be seasoned travelers suggest that the best way to avoid future incidents is to in the first few days after arrival drink the local water and eat from absolutely anywhere. They admit that you will get sick but the logic is that you put new bacteria into your system that can deal with what will come from that point on. In theory this is OK but not actually very sound as nothing can prepare your body for the parasites that can find their way into your gut. About 2 weeks ago I think I became the host of such a parasite and the only way for sure to find that out is to send a sample off for testing. When all the fluid in your body is being expelled from a place where only solids should emerge then the last thing going through your mind is "wheres a cup I might send this off to the lab". Its all you can do to stop your internal organs from reaching the outside world. Along with the all to frequent excursions you have to put up with the stomach cramps that make you feel as if your in a scene from "Alien", it would almost be a relief to see a slimy green, tooth baring being emerge from from your abdomen at least that would explain whats going on. When bacteria or paracites have a nice environment to reproduce with no enemies to keep it at a safe level then they do what they do best and multiply, the consequence of all this activity is the production of gas. As we are all aware there are only 2 outlets on our bodies for the expulsion of gas and once it passes a certain distance that only leaves 1 outlet. Attempting not to expose others to a substance that could be sold on the black market as a WOMD its very difficult under these circumstances, even if you make it to the depository the rooms are so small they act as an amplifier ensuring those even several blocks away know your life and your bowel has taken a wicked turn. There is only one remedy for such a situation and that is to allow your body to do what comes naturally and try and get whatever got in, out. The body like the mind enjoys its comfort zones and it does its best to maintain a level environment but when something unwanted is introduced it acts in the only way it thinks is appropriate and tries to push it out the nearest exit. With the help of time some good herbs and the determination to survive are the only way to combat such a situation. With a bit of luck your loved ones and neighbors will turn a deaf ear and still respect you when its all over for they know it may be them next.
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Andrew MERCHANT
non-member comment
Hahahaha...I love a good fart story, whatever you do, don't try and plug it up, the consequences could be very dangerous upon removal....Bali belly has got nothing on you...